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We won't be talking as often... how do I handle this situation?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 1 November 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, *rhit1007 writes:

My friend, "Jane," and I have been best friends for 7 years now. Her boyfriend and I go to the same school while she goes to a different school. She had a barn dance last weekend and her bf was unable to go, so she invited me. We were drinking and got pretty drunk.. ended up making out for a bit until one of her friends came up and must have said something about her bf. Anyways, she freaked out and ran off.. eventually I found her and everything was OK.

We were pretty quiet on the way back to her sorority and then we went to bed... and went a little too far (but not all the way). She and I both feel really bad about the situation and we know it shouldn't have happened. She decided to call her boyfriend and tell him. We went to the football game Saturday, and everything appeared to be fine. Nothing was awkward.. and we just more or less pretended it never happened.

Fast forward to today.. since I'm friends with her bf, I called and apologized. I just got a text from Jane saying she talked to her bf again and he said that he'd prefer if she and I don't speak too often and she said that she's sorry, but that's the way it's gotta be for a little while.

She and I are so close and getting that text hurt really bad. If something like this happened with my girlfriend I'd probably want the same thing... so I don't know why I should expect any other outcome. I just don't see how she and I can go without talking for so long. How can I handle or even remedy the situation?

View related questions: best friend, drunk, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010):

Understand where the boyfriend is coming from. You guys been friends for a long while and obviously share a deep connection, but that physical and emotional boundary was crossed. Accept that a mistake was made on both of your parts, apologize, and accept that there may be a time when you two can talk again. Appreciate that he's not making her cut off all ties. Keep focused on other things, go out and enjoy yourself. It won't be the end of the world.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (31 October 2010):

janniepeg agony auntNot talking to her is the remedy itself. Can you handle you made a mistake and stop putting yourself in a situation where that could happen again? 7 years ago, you were a preteen so you were cool having a female friend, nothing awkward. Now you want more. She wants more too, but can't have the cake and eat it too. I think that incidence marked a different chapter in your lives. You grew apart and you are not innocent anymore. Everything happened for a reason and I don't believe alcohol was 100% to blame. As a friend she feels bad that she has to sacrifice friendship to be with her boyfriend so maybe the alcohol enabled her to express her secret wish that she wanted you to get some too. Maybe you wish to write her a letter saying you appreciated 7 years of friendship. Without you saying anything she knew how you feel, and is happy she had you in her life. After things cool down you can check up on each other, send Christmas cards, invite her to coffe, that's it. It's time for you to get a girlfriend yourself.

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A female reader, No watered down advice here! United States +, writes (31 October 2010):

No watered down advice here! agony auntIt's hard for us to see the REAL meaning of the If "The shoe was other the other foot" Or when people say "What would you do?" We never know what we would truly do until we confronted face to face with that situation. She was the one who was in "THAT" situation, We all talk about "What we WOULD do" But in actuality YOU,ME and even SHE DON'T KNOW! Until the choice had to be made. She made the choice anybody would make. People "Normally" Not ALWAYS! But, "NORMALLY" Pick the person who they're "sleeping" with, and cut off the friend. That's the clean-cut version. No Water Down Advice Here!~

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