A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was friendly with a man for 5 years - we were both divorced and single. We became very close very quickly and I developed feelings for him and we became intimate within the first 6 months. He then told me that he didn't want a relationship with me but wanted us to continue as friends. We did, but my feelings never went away. I suspected that I was his fallback girl when things were quiet on the women front for him. So about 2.5 years ago I told him that I could no longer cope with the situation ) and told him that I couldn't see him any more. He was upset, but I stuck with my decision and we haven't seen each other since then.He has contacted me occasionally, the last time was about 6 months ago.We were friends on Facebook, and I didn't delete him as a friend as it would seem rude, but blocked his posts so I don't see what he's up to. He has never ever commented on or Liked any of my Facebook posts.However, over the past few weeks he has Liked comments or posts I have added to Facebook, and he has commented on a couple (all very friendly comments). I don't add very often, so he's Liked about half of them.Why do you think he is doing this now after all these years? Especially as he has never Liked or commented on any of my posts in the past, even when we were friends and seeing each other.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2015): This is the OP here.
Thank you all so much for your responses. You all say what I suspected - that's he's trying to butter me up so that he can get back into my life again. Well, it will not happen. We parted on good terms and I told him that it was not because I didn't like him, but because I liked him so much. He said he understood, but I know that it was a blow to him.
But I have been very happy over the past 2.5 years and have begun to seriously get over him. And my life is now angst free and I don't want to return to that unrequited love situation again.
So I am not taking the bait and will ignore any advances.
You have made me feel so much less confused.
Thank you all again.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 July 2015):
 You already know he USED you in the past as his "fall back girl" and nothing HAS changed, but my guess is... the women are further and fewer these days, so he does the "OH YEAH I have a fallback girl!" and contacts you to see if you are willing to bite.
Block and delete him, it's not rude. And it's a NICE clear signal that you are NOT interested in his games or be his fallback girl EVER again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2015): no no no lol ! nothing good ever comes of raking up exs
(I know from experience. I dated someone for 2 years broke up with no contact for years- then got back together for a few months after they raked me up after bumping into me, broke up again felt really stupid. A year later they have tried to rake me up again online. Deleted and did not respond! No thanks!)
You already found out this was not the guy for you, why bother again? there are plenty of new people out there who don't have a history with you of already being below-par!
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (2 July 2015):
I usually find that when ex boyfriends and lovers crawl out of the woodwork after a long absence it usually means that they have just broken up with a girlfriend (or an FWB has just ended) or that they're having a hard time in their current relationship and they're looking for an ego-rub. He's still trying to keep you as his fallback girl so take anything he says to you with a strong pinch of salt.
If you find it too confusing to keep hearing from him, I suggest you block him. Who cares if he thinks it's rude...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2015): His ego is a bit crushed by your rejection. Now you've become a challenge. His goal is to reverse the situation where "he's" back on top. He wasn't ready for a relationship when you were. A few years and some failed relationships roll by; suddenly he's keen on winning back your attention. You are retired from the job of stroking his ego.
I don't know about you girlfriend, but I'm nobody's after-thought. He said he wasn't ready. What were you supposed to do, put life on hold until he was?
He's working you with his charms to see if you'll bite.
You were doing just fine; and handled things pretty cool. You were cordial, showed no bitterness, and didn't play any games. In fact, that made you all the more attractive to him. Not in a positive way; more in the sense that he's not going to allow you to turn the tables and reject his moves.
Nothing bothers a guy more than when he brushes a woman off; and the tides turn, where she now has the upper-hand.
For the sake of your own dignity and pride; keep things the way they are. Keep him in the friend-zone. Distantly so! Like an old classmate.
He's aware that you're still single; so he figures you're available to fill his empty dating calendar. It would bruise his ego even more to know that you didn't continue holding the flame; while he was out sowing a few more wild oats. Facebook is not a monitor or gauge of anyone's real feelings. It's just a communication tool to find or stay in-touch with people; maybe even some superficial-flirting. Whatever you do, don't take him seriously. Just as you suspect, you're the fallback girl. He's getting older; and it's slim-pickings at this point.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2015):
I'm a mental health nurse and my advise would take this as a pinch of salt .. He is in my opinion reaching out again as the water that he fishing in may have gone quiet .
To me you still hanker over what could be and if you do choose to follow this hankering then be honest be open if dialogue does start make sure he knows straight away that he would need to be offering to take you out on a proper date . ( yes even 40 somethings like dates haha) if he enquires about seeing you . Otherwise this would just be a revisit to old tertitory that I would guess you don't want a do ..
Your worth more than a booty call ... let him know your worth . If you decide to encourage the contact .
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