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We were friends and now he wants a break from me?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 June 2024) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 June 2024)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Does he seem bitter and we will eventually be able to reconnect?

We were coworkers and started to be friends. We would text but not hang out outside of work. He seemed reserved because he was one of the leads at the company-but I did at times get the feeling by how he acted that he was attracted and interest in me. I made it clear that we were friends or that was what I was interested in. He seemed to go along with it to an extent though again I felt at times he wanted more.

Fast forward about 6 months after we started talking and now he needs a break from me, basically seeking no contact. He said something about needing space and me respecting that...granted we never dated or did anything Romantically. So I don't talk to him but I still see he watches me or will sometimes come around. It's very confusing as his actions and words don't match. I found out he is now leaving the company to work at a sister company in a different location meaning we will no longer work together.

I am unsure about my feelings for him but I do miss him. I am sure his decision wasn't based solely on me but I had told him awhile back it was confusing for me at times talking with him because it was like he was a friend but also technically (indirectly because of our departments) over me. I told him awhile back that was one of the reasons I wouldn't want to like or date him because it would be awkward if things went bad. Recently he mentioned something about me and a waste of time...so I'm not sure at this point what I should do or if I should even bother-especially when he asked for a break/space from me. He is about to be 40 and I'm in my late 30s

View related questions: a break, co-worker, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2024):

He was after sex, he is moving on because he didnt get it and it makes him feel you wasted his time. It would never have worked out. You say you only wanted to be friends but you are way to concerned about this for that to be true. Women don't spend hours and hours thinking and worrying and discussing a mere friendship, that is what happens when they want something serious.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2024):

Ignore him as much as you can and when he leaves just block him.

The way he acts is not healthy!

You wouldn't want that person as a friend, let alone something else. He picked you, you weren't grateful and then he decided that he needed a break and that you were a waste of time. Wtf?

I'm not saying that his a bad person per se. Some people are just (emotionally, psychologically...) damaged and even with the best of intentions, they hurt others.

He wanted more and now is blaming you for having "rejected " him, while ignoring your God given right not to want him the same way AND your position as someone whose position is lower than his in the company.

As I said, he's treating you as if you should have been grateful that he had bestowed his interested upon you. Rubbish!

Please do not try to reconnect with him. You were lucky to have been given an opportunity to see him for what he is.

I know that there's another way to deal with feelings for your coworkers in the proper way. My boss (the firm's CEO) had a thing for me, but he had never EVER acted inappropriately. We can't control our feelings, but we can control how we act. To be honest, I liked him too. A lot. But work is not a place for romance, especially when there's an inequality in hierarchy. We enjoyed each other's company and working together. I have never regretted that neither of us did anything to see where that thing could have ended. Relationships are messy and the better you know a person BEFORE you enter into one, the better the chances are that it would work.

In conclusion, I can only repeat that I believe that the way he acted is not healthy and that you should just ignore and block him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2024):

Things can get a little complicated when you work together because if you fell out you would still be working together. Maybe he was interested but, as he seems to be saying, wasting his time as you had said you didn't want it to go any further. He feels discouraged by the sound of it.

I wonder why, now he's leaving, you miss him? Was it that you liked being admired from afar? If so then I think he did right to back off.

If you now want to take it further maybe you could suggest meeting up, now that you'll no longer be working together. See what his reaction is.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 June 2024):

Honeypie agony auntSeems like he wanted more from you than you were willing to give. He didn't want to be friends.

You (in his eyes) rejected him. That is why he decided with the "no contact" - it's a punishment of sorts. To have you chase after him. And you didn't.

Overall, YOU made the right choice. He was above you in the work hierarchy and things could have been WAY more awkward if it hadn't worked out, especially given how he is acting now.

You need to accept that he NEVER saw you as a friend. He saw you as someone he was hoping to date or maybe just have a fling with.

" Recently he mentioned something about me and a waste of time.."

Well boo hoo. You were upfront with ONLY wanting to be friends. You didn't "waste" his time. He just didn't think your "no" really mean no.

My advice? As soon as he leaves your company (unless you still have to work with him) I would block and delete his number, I would block him from your socials. And move on.

It is SMART to not date in the work place.

Just let it go. If you want to date, look outside of work. If you want friends, try making some female friends.

He sounds like you strung him along only to friend-zone him - you didn't. You were clear you were only wanting friendship due to work dynamics. And he is unhappy about feeling "rejected".

Be glad you didn't end up dating him or having something casual. He sounds immature AF.

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