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We met up, got a room & had sex! No protection.

Tagged as: Health, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 April 2012) 8 Answers - (Newest, 7 April 2012)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I had unprotected sex with a woman over the weekend. We just met up, got a room and we ended up having sex. The issue is that I finished inside her and she didn't think much about it either. I did mention to her that I was about to finish and she continued and kept going long after I did finish. We didn't discuss anything about birth control at any point leading up to that(Stupid way to have sex, I know, especially casually).

A couple days later via email, I did ask her if she was on Birth Control which she replied no and then proceeded to ask me why I asked. We didn't talk more about it and haven't communicated since.

On a psychological level, what do you feel that answer means?

So far, what I've thought of based on here response was she a) wants to get pregnant or b) she wanted to discuss it further but didn't know how else to continue it.

In my mind, I was expecting the "no" answer, but I didn't expect the following question.

For more information, I didn't mind having unprotected sex at the time(Stupid, I know) and she was aware of that fact. And when we started having sex, it was in a fashion where I wouldn't have had the time to put on a condom if we had one and she was aware that I didn't have one on.

View related questions: condom, unprotected sex

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A female reader, Anongrace United Kingdom +, writes (7 April 2012):

Pregnancy is not the only result of unprotected sex, there are all sorts of INCURABLE sexually transmitted diseases out there and AIDS/HIV is not the only one. If you were thinking, "she doesn't look like a person with an STD", people don't usually go around with a sign post saying, "I have an STD", some people don't even know that they have it. You should have been smarter, keep your penis on wraps and stop having sex with strange women. Go and get tested to make sure you have not caught anything and wait for her to take a pregnancy test. Learn from this and stop being stupid, you're not a child.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012):

"And when we started having sex, it was in a fashion where I wouldn't have had the time to put on a condom if we had one and she was aware that I didn't have one on."

I know it's easy for me to say in hindsight but you should have pull out. Obviously it would have been better to use a condom but next time pull out. It's not going to protect you from STD's nor is it a 100% guarantee but it's far, far better than finishing inside.

Look it's happened to me lots of times (not smart but I've been very lucky as regards STD's partially because I scrub it clean straight afterwards and have a pee, and always pulled out so no pregnancies, again that's just luck). If it can happen once chances are it will happen again and if it does, the three most important things to remember are pull-out, scrub and pee.

Forget what her answer means OP and just wait. That's all you can do. Depending on her cycle you could be waiting anything from 2 to 6 weeks before she suspects and finds out whether she is or not. You're just going to have to suffer the anxious wait all of us unsafe idiots have had to suffer because it's completely beyond your control.

I'd like to say take this as a lesson learned but the drunken me has found it to be an awesome idea to just go ahead regardless of the consequences and from the guys I know not many have the will power to turn out a guaranteed lay while drunk just because they didn't have a condom, and even some of them insist on not using one.

Pull-out, scrub and pee. Not too hard to remember or do when drunk.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (5 April 2012):

person12345 agony auntThere's unfortunately nothing you can do about it now. Next time think with your upper head and not your lower and hope she doesn't get pregnant. Did you ask her if she'd take Plan B?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 April 2012):

Honeypie agony auntThere is always time to put on a condom. Stop being stupid. Or stop having sex til you can think coherently.

I guess only time will tell if you got yourself a STD or fathered a child.

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A male reader, Welsh Uncle Dave United Kingdom +, writes (5 April 2012):

You're old enough to know better about unprotected sex.

You know deep down the majority of blokes would much rather not use condoms during any sex and finish inside (and like in your case did not take much encouragement to do so).

But you don't know this woman from Adam or her past. You met up to have a one night stand with her so you knew you should've carried condoms in the first place.

I also don't buy the not having time to have put one on had you had them, and even then after that you should've pulled out to finish.

But this is all hindsight now and you're left worrying what the fall-out from it all is going to be.

I agree with Deirdre11 that this woman is not right in the head and has either used you to get pregnant or was on the pill and is now playing with your mind.

If she is pregnant, ask for a paternity test - used or not if that child is yours, you have a right to see it if you want.

You also need to have an STI check too.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012):

Who knows what she was thinking? I don't think there is any way of knowing to be honest. You know that you have put yourself in the lap of the Gods for a moment of pleasure. You could contact her again and say it has been playing on your mind. She may be able to set your mind at rest if she already knows a pregnancy is not in the offing. Beyond that, there's nothing you can do but wait and see.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012):

Yep that was just a bit stupid, giving your age category, and she sound equally as stupid, but to answer your question, I think she may want to get pregnant or else she is playing with your head, trying to get you all concerned, so you'll keep contacting her to see if she is pregnant, either way she's a nut job.

I think this mainly because she is willing to just meet with a guy to have sex, allow him to finish inside her, knowing he has no protection and knowing she has no protection, but most of all the fact that she doesn't seem to be that bothered as to the outcome of it all. Perhaps she wanted to get pregnant, but without your consent, through a casual hook up, that says she has issues.

the other side is maybe she was on a pill all along and thats why she is not that bothered, in which case she is playing you, in the hope that you will maintain contact because you will want to know if she is pregnant. So you will keep thinking about her and that moment you had together (obviously for the wrong reasons).

Whatever way you look at it she doesn't seem to be in her right mind because speaking as a woman, who has many female friends I am not sure any of us would react so calmly to that situation, unless she was thinking as one of the above. My last piece of advice is that if she is pregnant, do ask for a paternity test because she obviously thinks nothing of sleeping around, and then stand by her if you have to. If it turns out that she is not pregnant I would say stay away from her, because she clearly has issues.

I hope it works out for you and remember if you can't behave be careful :)

Good luck.x

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A female reader, Windbreeze62 United States +, writes (5 April 2012):

Windbreeze62 agony auntOk so what is it that you are worried about std's or her being pregnant? Just keep in touch with her for a couple of months and find out all the questions that's running in your head unanswered. Get Tested and when your breath turns all steamy have your condom in hand and ready to use cause you know whats about to happen.

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