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Wanted to get married and made HUGE mistake!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 November 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 November 2008)
A age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I had been together for five years, but he always changed the subject when I brought up marriage. One night, I broke down and told him that I thought we should either get married or split up, but he didn't respond well to the ultimatum. A month or so later, we were having dinner at my favorite waterfront restaurant when we got into a huge argument. I started crying, so I grabbed his jacket and ran outside. I was standing on the dock outside wearing his jacket when he came out and asked me to give it to him. I said no, but then he reached out and started to take it off of me. For some reason, I got really pissed off and threw it as far as I could into the water. He started freaking out, and when I finally got him to calm down, he told me there was been an engagement ring in the pocket. How I can make it up to him?

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A female reader, Butterflyfly United Kingdom +, writes (29 November 2008):

Butterflyfly agony auntI agree with the anon poster.. Yes you made a mistake, but as time cools it down, he should understand WHY you had reach the boiling point.... And yes, if he wanted to ask you he will do it again.. Obviously he doesn't want to marry on a whim ( the fact that he proposed after 5 years proves that), so if he really was going to propose that time, he will do it again.. None of those silly excuses... A man of honour would sit you down and explain you thoroughly his reasons for turning you down/changing his mind.

And the poster before had another good point: if you are going to marry this guy, is this how you will resolve your conflicts? It would be good for you two if you talked about this and try to understand what both of you had done wrong.

You try to resolve the technical bit: pay him back the ring and his coat, somehow.

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A female reader, i_luv_michael United States +, writes (29 November 2008):

i_luv_michael agony auntEverybody makes mistakes, but this was a BIG one!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008):

Look I know it seems bad but he has certainly made you wait and I know you would not have wanted to "lose it", but you did. Although this was not good, there would be worse to overcome in a life of marriage together so perhaps you could consider it your first test. He really should be a bit understanding so if he holds it against you for long I would be suspecting some game-playing. Are you sure there was a ring in there? It would be a very clever way of turning the tables on you if there was not, I mean now he can postpone if he wants cant he. He could make you seem unworthy, but you are worth another ring after this wait. Don't crumble. Ask for the ring receipt and get it claimed on your home insurance or his parent's. If he was going to ask he still will and you had a right to get mad. Having said that men don't like to feel cornered so perhaps you could think and say, "Sorry I lost my cool, it was very unfortunate and I regret it. However if you can forgive me, I will forgive you for making me wait so long and let's start our evening over again".If you switch your brain and make this into a comedy with Meg Ryan do you think it would be funny? Really it would be fine to be sorry but not to beat yourself up over too much because you don't deserve to be so hard on yourself.

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