A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am absolutly livid and hope somebody can either 1) Persuade me I'm wrong or,2) Prove me right!I have been seeing a man who is married for a while now and I have stayed faithfull since day one. He also tells me he doesn't sleep with his wife and a part of me thinks this is true as the wife knows about us.However he hasn't shown me any commitment as he still lives with his wife so technically I believe I am single!Tonight my married man accused me of sleeping with another man last weekend on a night out and again tonight. I got angry and stressed to him that I am not sleeping with anyone but that if I was to sleep with another man I am single and I wouldn't be betraying him in any way because he is married and living with another woman. We have spent all night arguing about this and I have a feeling it will drag on all weekend because I refuse to back down and he just does not see my point.I am so angry I could scream but he just doesn't get it at all.Am I wrong in this? Should I be staying 'loyal' to this man despite him never intending on leaving his wife?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): Hun,You're in your late 20's. Don't spend any more time in a relationship which will not lead to marriage and kids. Its an enormous waste of time, you're sacrificing too much future happiness for this.How will your future husband view you knowing you had a relationship with a married man. If this man does leave his wife, would you be able to trust him as a husband? Its just a bad situation all around.Chances are he is seeing another woman on the side, not just you. You just don't know it, wouldn't believe it, won't find out. My fiances coworker has being dating their married boss for 12 years. From age 26-38. He sleeps over every friday night, Saturday he spends with his wife and Sundays are for his kids/wife. She gets scraps - has no children and no commitment. So sad!You need to get yourself out there dating...meeting some other nice guys and realize there are many many options out there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): Thankyou for all the responses, each one appreciated.
As you can imagine this argument went on all night until I switched my phone off- its still off now. I refuse to be bullied by a man like that!
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A
female
reader, tibob  +, writes (27 August 2011):
 What do you want, stay the other woman for the whole of your life by being loyal to a man who does not even have the courage to leave his wife. If this man really loved you, he would have wished better for you. He won't have a relationship with you that he knows will lead you to nowhere. He would have respected you and not keep you as a mistress. The only one who is a winner in this story is your married man, he has his wife, he's sleeping with her even if he says the contrary, he has the comfort of his home and he has a mistress. You are free to do whatever you want as unlike him you are single and has not taken any commitment. There's no point in remaining loyal to a married man, it does not make sense
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): You have chosen to be in a relationship with him. You have committed yourself and remain loyal and faithful to him. So how can you also be fancy free and single? I think the problem has arisen because there is no balance to this relationship. You have made all the compromises, he makes none. He is still with the woman he made his commitment to and he is not going to leave her. In his eyes, he has the best of both worlds. The wife and home, security. And who knows what else when the 'mood' takes them. You are the icing on the cake, faithfully sitting on the side lines waiting for him. His worry is... making sure you remain there. So when you go out, he is NOT going to like it. He knows you could easily meet someone who is available and be off like a shot. He probably knows you would prefer someone of your own, rather than being fed scraps from his wifes table. But he does not want to make a commitment to you or want anyone else to commit to you either. So he will make darned sure when you go out, there is some unpleasantness afterwards. That way you might decide it is easier to stay home. He is trying to secure his property just as Soon567 describes. His expectations from you and the accusations are very unreasonable but that is because HE is being unreasonable. He is having a shared life with someone he is attached to. Plus you on the side. But he doesn't want you having the same. Or even going out for that matter. All totally unreasonable. There is no real love from this guy. Or security. He's not daft, he realizes that. He is a poor substitute for a 'real' partner and his hold on you is tenuous. So he will try every dirty trick in the book to hold on to his property. Whether you allow yourself to be treated this way or break free and leave him is your decision.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 August 2011):
 Wow! Talk about being insolent! This man has some nerve. He's cheating on his wife with you, he has no respect for you and he thinks of you in the same way as he sees himself. An untrustworthy cheat. He knows what he's doing is wrong and that's why he sees you in the same light. He probably thinks if you can sleep with him, a married man, then what's stopping you from seeing someone else? And since when has cheating become such a crime in his book?? It all comes back to a circle...what is HE doing in the first place??!!
Please end this facade before it gets worse. At the age when you should be making your own life and thinking about settling down with a good guy, you're already the other woman in a nasty relationship. Why are you doing this to yourself?
You know you cant convince him, because he will never have respect for you. He doesn't now, and he never will. Its a comfortable arrangement for him, at the end of the day he goes back to his wife, while you are left alone. His wife knows about this, will probably accept him back once his little episode with you is over, and where does that leave you then? Don't waste any more time/energy arguing with him. He may also be doing all this to break up with you or to get you to break up with him. Who knows?
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A
female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt  +, writes (27 August 2011):
 He is cheating on his wife with you ... yet you believe that he is capable of fidelity to you?
News flash: he is reacting to you in this way because he is trying to push you away. There IS another girlfriend besides yourself. I'd put money down on that, I know it to be so true.
Never forget ... if he can cheat WITH you, he can cheat ON you.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (27 August 2011):
Here youre the most faithful cheater i know. I bet you a 100 dollars no man can cheat alone. Their always cheating with someone like yourself. Its takes two to cheat unless they have an open marriage.Its obviously that you care about your parttime lover and want him to understand that you two have something special going on, more than sex. You have a comment to each other. Youre not free as one suggested. If your heart belongs to another then ur taking.Now here is what i would do if i was you. I would put my foot down and let him know that it takes two, if he can f**k others then so can you. Let him know that this FWB isnt one way. Its not like he doesnt have another one to lay up with.Most men are overly protected of what they consider theirs, like your vagina...its his and he doesnt want you to give his property away without his knowledge. I think it should be a law barring FWB or mistress from going behind their lover back. Oh well dont worry, their many more married cheaters in the sea.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 August 2011):
 Wow, this married man is a piece of work isn't he? Prepared to cheat on his wife. Still lives with her, so I can guarantee is is enjoying home comforts. Most likely his "agreement" with his wife is that you will never have any other partner, thereby guaranteeing his wife that he will never bring home any unwanted STD.
You are single and available and free.
He is married, not available and not free to play up.
And besides he is a p^^^cK.
Plan your social life.
Go where you want for your holidays.
Meet new people
Get out and meet available single unmarried men. Don't touch the "separated" ones either.
You are in your late 20s when you deserve to be establishing the foundations of your life.
If he wants to be unfaithful that is his questionable decision.
But you have every opportunity in front of you. The world is your oyster. And no you did not cheat.
Remind him that you are unmarried, not divorced. You are of an age where you deserve some pleasure with an available man who you can enjoy 24/7.
Wave him goodbye. It is all he deserves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): You houldn't even be seeing this man - he's married and living with his wife..Why bother.He will be sleeping with his wife, saying he's not is an old line used by married cheats
He has no say whatsoever about whom you see, you can go off and get married if you want - he's the one who isn't free, nor is he ever likely to be by the sound of it.
Don't waste your time and energy arguing with him just tell him to go moan someplace else cos your not interested.
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