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Sometimes I wonder if a long-term relationship means I'm missing out

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 November 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 November 2014)
A female Denmark age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together for a little more than 1 and half years, and even though we've had some small issues it's been really good. He was my best friend before and is such a great guy. The problem is that I'm starting to freak out a little.. I'm afraid that we've been together for so long (I was 18 when we started dating) and if we break up I have "wasted my time". And the thought of being together for so long with the same person, if we break up would I have missed out on another kind of life? I love him really much and these thoughts don't fill up a lot of space but they are still something I think about sometimes... Other than that things are a liiittle boring sometimes, you know, you kind of miss those butterflies in your stomach and the excitement of a new crush... This might just be a little rant about how I'm feeling, but is this okay to have these thoughts when you're together with someone?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well that's the thing! Of course I CAN'T picture a life in the future without him :) I'm just, yes, maybe a little unsettled because I'm just a person who has these commitment issues (not that bad) and overthinks things. I stil love spending time with my boyfriend and we do do a lot of fun stuff together, and everything is good. I think I'm just scared of being together with a person with so long, and if it ends it would be the worse. I think I'll just try to stop worrying, I mean this has only been going on for a week and are not prominent in my mind. But yes I don't want anything holding me back from chasing my dreams, but I don't want to move away and study elsewhere when I still have my boyfriend here who I can't imagine leaving... I just don't know what I want yet :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2014):

afraid that we've been together for so long

the thought of being together for so long with the same person

things are a little boring sometimes

You sound rather unsettled. I've known couples who started dating from a young age but they couldn't picture a future without the other.

I'd encourage you to seriously think about what you want in life. What are your dreams and goals? Travelling? Studying at the best school even if it's far from home? Do it! Chase your dreams.

The fact that you are getting itchy feet in your relationship after only a year and half does not bode well for the future of this relationship. 5 years into my relationship it STILL feels like the honeymoon and we've been living together for a few years.

Really listen to your gut whether this relationship is what you want. In the meantime chase your dreams.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2014):

Yup. You are missing out on another kind of life like random, meaningless sex, pointless dates, relationship disappointments, drunken acts that you'd regret... Find some interesting things to do with your guy then do them. Joining a gym is always a sizzler because it raises up endorphins and good feelings about each other. Hiking, painting, photography, fishing... Just google stuff, do it and reconnect instead of romanticizing about life with out him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2014):

It's quite natural to think of those things. The longer you spend together the more you will want to be certain this person is worth sharing your life with and those thoughts are a way of assessing the relationship.

I guess you've just got to face those thoughts and only you can answer them. I met my husband when we were both just about to turn 17. I knew I would spend my life with him and loved him, but there comes a time you want to know it's worthwhile and there is a future for you both; that you share the same hopes and dreams for your future as a couple.

I think what helps is always communicating, sharing your personal aspirations and goals and seeing if you encourage each other. If you are frustrated with each other's futures or have completely detached ideologies about life then you kind of know it's not going to work out.

You say at times things are a little boring, but would you swap what you have together to be chasing that same feeling as a single woman? Would you give up what you have together to experience those feelings again? Because of course you feel more relaxed and familiar with each other, but at the same time you have someone you can look at and be filled with love for them day after day - if you're feeling that then you obviously wouldn't want to walk away from that.

Take it as it comes, enjoy your time together rather than worrying about what might or could be. As long as your happy now you can always look back and know that at this point in time, this is what you wanted xx

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