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Should I tell him about my foolin' around with my cousin?

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Question - (30 March 2006) 8 Answers - (Newest, 31 March 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

I need some help before i do something very stupid! now keep in mind i was young when i did this when i didn't really know what i was doing but yet not extremely young. My boyfriend thinks its good we tell each other all of our past well i did but not about something else. He didn't ask about girls. I'm a girl and when i was young i did something really stupid and me and my cousin (another girl) did stuff but underwear still on and then a different time me and my friend did but only a few times for both of them. and i understand all girls mostly expirement but it bugs me because my cousin but i never really let it get to me until i'm older. I dont know if i should tell my boyfriend because he would just break up with me, any guy most likely would. Please don't write back to me saying oh my god you are nasty i just need your help. that's all i'm asking. i would never ever ever do it again not even a friend. If i shouldn't tell him, how can i stop thinking of this? Thanks. Please reply!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2006):

ok i figured out why its bothering me so much because im like 95 % sure he would break up with me if he ever found out and im thinking hes not even in love with the person he thinks he is he doesnt even know me am i overreacting?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2006):

I do have that kind of relationship with my boyfriend, and I know exactly what you mean about "feeling guilty" about not telling him everything.

If you guys are that close, he won't dump you. Go ahead and tell him. I think it's beautiful what you have.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2006):

oh and 1 more thing he doesnt really like the 2 girl thing so i just hope i dont feel guilty for not telling him because i think he might break up with me!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2006):

Thanks so much to all of you! but i do have one question for the girls that replied: say you were completely in love with this guy and were together for a long time and were very close and told each other everything, you wouldnt feel guilty? like i dont want it bothering me if we ever did get married i just dont know how to get over it i guess it takes time. but if any of you answer my question thanks alot! and thanks again all of you who replied you helped ALOT, i'm not going to tell him.

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A female reader, BluntBabe +, writes (31 March 2006):

You are being too paranoid, and hooking up with other girls is not "nasty." It sounds like you are a bit homophobic and reacting really strongly to some incidents in your past. But, just to let you know, even really homophobic guys think that girl-on-girl action is hot. Chances are, telling your boyfriend might even turn him on, and if not, it would probably just be something you two could laugh about.

About your cousin, well, as long as you were relatively young (like younger than 15) I think it's not shameful. It depends on how close you feel to your boyfriend if you want to tell him about that. I still don't think he would dump you. (Unless he's intensely religious, and thinks all gays should burn in hell or something like that... in which case, YOU should dump HIM and start educating yourself.)

Maybe if you two talk about it, you could explore a latent sexual attraction you may have towards women together? Not like a threesome or anything like that, but many men enjoy seeing their girlfriend turned on by looking at another hot woman.

Good luck,

Blunt

bluntadvice.blogspot.com

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A female reader, PrunellaGringepith +, writes (31 March 2006):

PrunellaGringepith agony auntAs you said, many girls experiment in this way when they are young. The fact that it was with your cousin complicates things a little more, but at the time you were probably too young to know that it was inappropriate. (by the way, don't forget cousins sometimes get married! )

I don't think that any guy would leave you over this, we all have secrets in our past. If it had happened with a friend rather than a cousin, do you think he would leave you then? The fact that it was your cousin really doesn't make much difference, and as you said, now that you are older, you would never do it again.

However, if you think that sharing this secret will affect your relationship, don't tell him. There are sometimes things that are best kept to yourself. As to how to stop thinking about this? That is up to you, but try not to think of it as a dirty secret, this was a normal part of growing up and nothing to freak out over now that you are older.

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A female reader, Kyoko +, writes (31 March 2006):

It's so natural for girls to experiment, but you havent told us how old you are now and how old you were when u did this. Your boyfriend doesn't need to know every little thing you've done. I bet he's has curiousities about men too. It's a stage that most people go through. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You just have to let it go, it 's the past. You have to be thinking about the future, you and your boyfriend. Stop thinking about the foolish things you did and start thinking about the clever things your going to do.

Hope I've helped!!!!!!!

Kyoko xxxxx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2006):

Keep this part of your past private. Do not tell your boyfriend...ever. Also, you aren't "nasty" because of what you did with your cousin. Also, some guys would find this exciting, but still don't tell.

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