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Should I let this go and think it was an accident?

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Question - (29 June 2014) 7 Answers - (Newest, 29 June 2014)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone, I guess this may sound kind of silly but I have always had low self esteem in general so this kind of bothers me.

I was with my friend today and we were chitchatting while walking in a building that is usually busy but was empty for some reason.

These two men who are about my age were walking in the opposite direction of where my friend and I were walking. Despite the fact that the space was wide and he could have EASILY avoided me, one of the guy bumped his arm into mine and it was sort of a hard bump. I was so busy chitchatting with my friend that I didn't care to look around and see if he was apologizing or was just ignoring it. But I feel like it was kind of hostile and aggressive. It wasn't like an accidental bump.

Should I just let it go and think that it was just an accident? It was definitely deliberate. I feel kind of crappy after this and I can't stop analyzing it.

View related questions: self esteem

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2014):

Yes, been 'there' and recognise this reaction. You are right to start to make a connection between your low self esteem and this incident. When we have low self esteem we have little or no 'resilience' against the world and it can mean that we a. are much more sensitive to negative events. b cannot easily shake off any negative events. Watch out for this because it can pull at you and bring you down ie. an aggressive male deliberately bumping you to assert his dominance can quickly lead you into thinking that you live in a very violent world where things have become so bad that the violence is in everything somewhere. And if you look for it, it will be. But it will be your low self esteem making you look and your low self esteem trying to fool you by making you feel like all you are doing is facing up to reality, to the truth. There are other positive ways to think about things that don't mean being in denial. Sounds like you may need to learn your own techniques for answering back/brushing it off. What would that response be for you?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2014):

Let it go

Let it goooo

Sorry. Couldn't resist :)

Really, though--not worth your time worrying about! The older you get, the more you will realize that what you think of yourself is WAY more important than what anyone else thinks of you!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 June 2014):

Honeypie agony auntJust a douche-canoe on legs.. Brush it off it wasn't directed at you specifically, but at anyone walking where he felt he should walk unhindered.

Don't waste time trying to figure out why ass-holes do whatever they do, don't waste any more time on that loser.

I mean really? What kind of lowlife would go out of his way to hurt a girl he doesn't even know? Pond scum, that is who.

And maybe WiseOwlE was right, neither of you were paying attention.

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A female reader, TheSunsWork United States +, writes (29 June 2014):

I am confused. Are you wondering if the person walking toward you was rude, or your friend was rude for bumping you so hard after the guy bumped him.

If it was the first, I am wondering why this person you don't know has this much of an effect on you to come and ask a question online about it. Granted, total strangers have upset me to the point that I told the story to a few people. However, if this person has had this much of an effect on you I would say definitely begin building your self esteem. Google some tips and get to it. You will be so much more happy in the future!

If it is the second, then let it go this time, but if your friend does something else you do not like say something RIGHT AWAY. Draw that boundary line or you will regret it. You can say something like "did you do that on purpose, or were you joking?" Say it with a confused grin.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2014):

I think you should let it go; because it could be nothing.

Even if it was aggressive, it's long after the fact; and makes no difference now. You are feeling violated. It's appropriate, but it's a delayed reaction.

He was most likely just not paying any attention. Sometimes people have the worst manners and a nasty attitude. They think you should be looking where you're going; so they don't bother to get out of the way. If you run into them; they feel it's your fault. He's probably thinking the same of you.

What good is being upset about it, if this was a random incident? If you didn't react on the spot, there's no sense in thinking about it now.

If he's someone you see frequently, you should feel concerned. Be sure to avoid him, don't confront him.

I wouldn't think anything of it, unless it happens again.

Take a picture with your cell phone; and track down a cop to file charges for assault. It helps when you have witnesses.

Honestly, I think neither of you were paying attention.

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A female reader, Angelwolf97 United States +, writes (29 June 2014):

Sweetie. Guys can be jerks. You have to over look them. And some do that to get a reaction out of you because they like you or just for plain out meanness. Just don't worry about it. If it happens again confront the person.

And your young have self esteem. Don't worry about everyone else just worry about you.

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A male reader, Forge United States +, writes (29 June 2014):

Forge agony auntOk, cool a little. It was on purpose. Bases on how it sounds, he did it because he felt you were in his way, and wasn't going to move for you.

He's a d-bag. I, in this case would have moved quite quickly, given that I respect women.

He felt like he had more authority than you.

But you need to leave it be, it was some little thing. If he does it again, talk to him. Ask him why. If he ignores you, then so be it. He's a jerk. That's just how some men are.

Move along, and don't worry anymore. You have much more important things, I'm sure.

Unto dawn, my friend ;)


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