A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my partner were set up by my sister and his best friend. We hit it off straight away. He lives 2 and a half hours away from me and we just chatted for hours everyday online then met a week later. We got along really well and wanted the same things in life and ended up in a relationship the day after we met. We have been fine and happy for 2 months now and see each other most weekends but I feel like something is missing. Hes not planning to committ to me for a few years yet because last time he moved his gf into his house and were planning to have a baby, she left him for her ex. It really hurt him and now hes given up on that plan and being pessimistic. Im trying to be patient and I know its early days but im a planner and it scares me not knowing whats going to happen in the future. I asked him if he had a timeframe for how long it might take and he said he doesnt know if he will ever be ready. Am I wasting my time or should I just be patient? Im falling in love with him so fast but I dont think he feels the same way even though he treats me like a princess. I have a heart condition and have been told I need to have babies asap because it will get worse as I get older. He knows this but we cant guarantee that itll work out. At the moment I feel like im single during the week with a sex partner on the weekends...even though we txt everyday. Im so confused and dont want this long distance thing to last for years. I was hoping it would be a year at the most.
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best friend, her ex, long distance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea I will try and relax and take it as it comes. His story has changed a lot since we first met though. When we first got together he said he wanted the same things in life as me...marriage, kids, live together in a few years or so and now hes saying he might never be ready because his ex put him off all of that. Its confusing...I dont think I would have been with him to start with if I knew that this is how he felt. Im not rushing him. I told him im not ready to have kids yet or anything, im just scared about the future but I know I need to chill. I want to be living with him in a year but not have kids for a few years. He doesnt even want to live together for a long time because of what happened with his ex. He has said a lot of things that contradicts what he said to me when we first got together. Now that he knows hes got me, he seems to be changing his tune and has backed off a bit. Im so confused.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2012): I think you are rushing things. It has been two months, no time at all really. I would try and relax. The best, long lasting relationships develop over time. I certainly would not bring your wish to have babies into the mix yet, even though this is something of importance to you. Let things move at a natural pace, if you both feel the need to be nearer each other in time - then you can consider the relationship worth making plans for. But at 'two months' you will seem a too keen and risk your boyfriend backing off if your need to 'plan' gets the better of you.
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A
female
reader, reema99  +, writes (2 April 2012):
if you really think he's worth it try calling him alot, talk for hours, pay him surprise visits show him u care about him and u r trust worthy.. he is just hurt
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2012): You say you want the same things in life but it sounds like you want very different things: you to get married and pregnant in about a year and he doesn't want that perhaps ever. What it comes down to is you hoping he changes his mind, which will put too much pressure on him and your relationship and backfire.
If you do stay with him knowing you have conflicting life goals, then you have to let the marriage and kids thing go for a few years and not bring it up. That wouldn't be fair to stay with him under a hidden agenda to change his mind or guilt trip him about it. Once again this will backfire on you.
The other thing is love happens when it happens, could be tomorrow or 15 years from now. When you try to force the timing, it backfires and drives guys away. Unfortunately, a medical condition won't urge men into action as far as marrying you right away so you can have kids. Actually it will result in the opposite with them getting really scared off. They want to marry someone who really loves them and makes them happy, not a woman in a rush against time.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 April 2012):
 It’s been two months… don’t rush it… you are both young… if you like him and he likes you and you get along and see each other most weekends… just do it and enjoy…..
Which one of you is going to move to be with each other? Or will you split the difference and live in the middle.
There are a few things that LDRs take that face to face daily relationships don’t need:
1. Planned communication (texts, calls, emails skype etc) We started an LDR in December 2010… by March 2011 we knew we were falling in love and we had developed a set routine… I called him at 8 am to make sure he was awake (he requested a morning wake up call from me) and I called him every night when I went to bed for my bedtime tuck in call. We also emailed a lot during the day as we both were on the computer all day for work…. We have friends who are 2 hours LDR and spend 3 out of 4 weekends together… they are together two years and are getting engaged this month…. Not to marry for 3 more years… but every night they skype at 9 pm…. For about 2 hours…. That’s their daily routine…. You are not together that long but you need to figure out a communication routine that works for you
2. Honesty you must be totally honest with each other at all times
3. Trust.. if you trust him and he trusts you then life will work out… even if you are apart on a daily basis for a bit.
4. A plan to end the distance… if you are not ready to make the plan to end the distance then it’s not time to toss the towel in…. ONE of you if not both will HAVE to move to make this relationship work forever however….. so who would move?
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