A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyoneI have this dilema...My ex husband and I split from eachother over 6yrs ago, at the time it was my fault, as I was dealing with emotional issues from my childhood and kept pushing my husband away. He finally moved on and met a woman who he now has a child with. we have 3 children together, but when he met this woman he moved to a different country and didn't see his children for 5 years. he sent them cards for birthday and Christmas, but that was the only contact. The dilemma is, he has now moved back over, and has started to see the children again (which I am pleased about for my children as they missed him ) the thing is I didn't realize how much I missed him until now. All the old feelings have come flooding back into my heart. we are getting on really well, but is there a chance of us getting back together? he's not married to this women, and I wouldn't want to split up their family either, but how can I make him understand that we were right together, before he decides to marry her one day? should I let the past be the past, or try so I never end up thinking what if? My mind is saying let it be, but my heart is saying I never stopped loving him, go get your man.I would appreciate good advice here, thanks guys
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice, My head feels a little clearer now. Chigirl I think that sounded very much like how I would have like to have said this to him, but after reading juiceyjuice reply as well I think maybe I do need to get things 100% in mind first. It changes nothing of how I feel for my ex husband, as I love him still so much. But you have both made a great impact on how I will pursue things now.I wont give up, I will take things slow and who knows eh :) but I will get councilling now as I never did, and really I should I guess. Thank you guys :) x
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 If I was in your shoes, hypothetically as I have no idea what it is actually like in your shoes, I think I would say something like this to him:
"How is your relationship with ...(the womans name)? Are you doing well?
It is good to have you back in the area again, and the children are happy to have you back. Did you miss them? I must confess, I too appreciate having you back. I missed you. And despite everything, I do love you still.
I don't want to stand in the way of you and .. (the womans name), and I am not asking you to chose between us. I only want you to know how I feel about you, that you are dear to me. And that if I can not have you in my life as my husband, or boyfriend, I would appreciate having you in my life as a dear friend. You mean a lot to me. And I am thankful for everything you gave me, and hope to still have you in my life, one way or the other."
Then smile, and end the speech, and not bring it up again. This way I will have confessed my feelings for him in a noble manner, without asking him to choose, but make him aware of where I stand. So that he knows. All you can do after this is give it time.
Even if he ends the relationship with the other woman, going straight back into a relationship with you wouldn't be a good idea. It would be too fast. Things need to take their time, and especially this sensitive case needs time, and to develop carefully. Be content with friendship if that is all he can offer.
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A
female
reader, JuiicyJuiice  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 I believe that you should seek therapy first about your childhood issue before you try to pursue any relationship with anyone. We have to be 100 percent when pursuing relationships so we can in hopes get that in return. If your personal issue from your childhood still remains...regardless of any feelings you may have at the time for your ex, your problem will still be there..you can't put it on the back burner and expect it to go away. As far as your ex, I think that you should see where his head is at FIRST when it comes to you and him and not just jump in head first, because he may be happy with where he is right now and since so much time has went by, he may moved on from you emotionally and may not look at you in the same sense. Thinks things through first and get the proper help that you deserve honey. I wish you well.
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