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Partner wants to run off to work party leaving me alone to deal with things

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Question - (20 November 2023) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 November 2023)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My partner and I have been together for 7 years, last year we went to his holiday party and I had a terrible time, this year comes around and he waits until it’s in less than a month to tell me he’s going to travel for it again. On top of it, we have construction work being done on our house and I work from home and have to be in the house for it while he’s away, interrupting my work schedule, while he’s away uninterrupted. I’m also not invited to his party this year because I was tired of bar hopping last year and wanted to go home at midnight. We’re both in our 30’s and he’s always wanted to be the cool boss and clearly he thinks he can’t be that with me around.

I’m all around upset by this and I’m know asking him not to go would set him off and he’d still go because he sees nothing wrong with leaving me to deal with a house mess while he “works”.

How would you handle this situation?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (22 November 2023):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntHe's going, whether you give him your blessing or not, so why not do the decent thing and just wish him a good party and let him get on with it? It's not his fault you didn't enjoy bar hopping; it's not for everyone. In your shoes I would be grateful I don't have to endure the ordeal a second year on the trot.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2023):

You are the problem, not him.

He knows what he wants and does it.

You on the other hand are imposing your wishes on him.

You don't want to do something and would like to stop him from doing it. Now, how selfish is that?

Your home improvements aren't going anywhere.

You knew that this was coming and just expected him to refuse because you're not enjoying this.

Again, this is NOT about you and your work.

It's about him and his work.

Why should he refuse?

And I'm not surprised that you're not invited:

"I’m also not invited to his party this year because I was tired of bar hopping last year and wanted to go home at midnight".

Again, you HAD KNOWN beforehand what this trip was about and wanted to impose your wishes and desires on others.

You don't want to go and now your trying to find reasons outside of yourself that justify your desire for your husband to stay with you. He knows fully well that all you have listed here is not important.

I would ask myself why I don't want the man I love to have fun doing things I personally do not enjoy.

So what if he want to be "the cool" boss!

I wouldn't ask him not to go, because I would know that this is just my ego and that I wasn't coming from the place of love.

Google "emotional blackmail", "emotional manipulation".

I don't know anything about you as a couple, but most people deserve each other. When they stop desearving each other, one of them leaves.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2023):

I know that this is not the answer you want to hear, but TBH I feel that this is really much ado about nothing and that your husband is not doing anything wrong.

First, you have been warned with a month of notice - how much do you want more ? Unless we are talking about a monarch or a Prime Minister schedule, 30 days is a very reasonable time to start arranging and organizing whatever needs to be arranged and organized. Then, there will be work done on the house , - but it's also your house, isn't it, and you 'd be working from home anyway, it sounds normal to me that , if your husband cannot be there, you'll take his place , And he cannot be there because of something connected with his work , it's not as if he is taking a vacation, on a whim.That he might find this task much more pleasant than other tasks, and he's glad to do it - sure, why not, and what'wrong with it?, but still, it's always work .

Finally , if last year you have been so disruptive and spoiled everybody's fun, you should be neither surprised nor resentful that you have not been invited.Bar hopping is not for everybody, and personally I would hate it too !, but the party was not / is not for , or about , you, it's for the office people. So stay home with a good book and a cup of tea and enjoy your peace and quiet !

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