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Other peoples negativity towards my long distance and age gap relationship is driving me insane!

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 September 2006) 4 Answers - (Newest, 6 October 2006)
A male , anonymous writes:

Hi,

I think this is more of a personal problem than a relationship one, though it deals with a relationship.

Without going into specifics, I'm in an LDR and age gap relationship. The age gap is relatively small (less than 8 years) but since I'm still young--18--the gap is sort of magnified.

Add to that the fact that it's a very long distance one (we met at a wedding and were friends LDR for two years, then after we began to hang out more over the summer it developed into a relationship).

The relationship itself is amazing and the best one I've ever had. I really do love him.

My only problem is my own stupid insecurity. Not only do I have to deal with criticism from friends and family: "The gap is too big", or "You're too young for an LDR, it won't work." I also feel like I have to deal with random negativity from complete strangers.

Which probably makes me sound paranoid. Deep down I know that the rest of the world is preoccupied with themselves and honestly couldn't care less who I date, but I still feel like whenever someone, friend or stranger, finds out about the gap and distance thing, they become very judgemental and preachy.

Because I am 18 and have less life experience, they begin to unload all sorts of negative wisdom on me about how the relationship is basically doomed because of those factors.

At this moment the relationship doesn't feel even close to being doomed. And I'm the only one who truly knows what he and I are like together--and it's fabulous.

Please help me stop being so crazy. How can I deal with all this negativity? It's driving me insane.

View related questions: long distance, wedding

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006):

yeah I see your point about that annonymous person, anyway I am in a very similar situation as you. I would encourage you to ignore negative attitudes from other people and block them with your own positive thoughts. As long as you're happy and your man is happy it doesn't matter what other people think. Keep telling yourself that. Remind yourself of how good you both are together. Just because of a long distance and an age gap doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed. Infact, your relationship is working just fine. You seem like you know that and it's time to start acting like it when people start getting negative. Who cares what other people think?! Not you! You go girl. I hope all goes well for you and your man. good luck and stay positive. xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you both for the responses. Though to the anonymous poster--my question wasn't "Is he too old for me?"

My question was how do I deal with other peoples' negativity? The only thing you gave me was the same thing I've been trying to battle---the disapproval of others. I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your opinion to yourself and just answer the question I asked.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2006):

If you are 18, and he is 26 - he is to old for you. 8 years is not that big of a gap, but from 18 to 26 it is. If you were 22 and he was 30 it would be fine. But, at 18, you are barely over the age limit to be considered an adult. Keep with the ones your own age and give yourself the time you deserve to grow up. Why rush it?

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A female reader, Toria +, writes (30 September 2006):

Toria agony auntWell you already stated you know it's them thats got the issue and you know your relationship is great and your happy in it, I've been in long distance relationships and although everyone states they don't work etc mine very much did, infact when we did see each other because we lived so far away we then made the most of the time together and had really looked forward to it, because alot of the relationship was over the phone we knew more about each other in a month than most know about their partners in 6months-year and the connection between us was amazing.

I would just ignore the negative comments and just remember only you know what the relationship is really like and you know your both happy together.

Most people that comment on things like this haven't actually been in the situation themselves so really have no means to comment plus they should realise not every situation is the same so saying yours won't work is wrong.

Good luck :o)

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