A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I live apart and he does not plan to come back home. What is going on? Should we just get a divorce?It all started when my husband got out of the military and was in search of a job. His job took him overseas where he resided for 2 years. At this time, I was set to move with him, but I had some devastating medical news--I had a brain tumor. I went through major surgery, ended up bed ridden for almost a year, almost lost my eye sight, became epileptic, hypoglycemic, etc. I am completely functional now, however I have regular appointments with my many doctors to make sure my health doesn't deteriorate. Long story short, I stayed behind because of my health and my husband needed to work for the insurance.During this time, we ended up purchasing a home because my husband always intended on coming back home after his 2 year stint. Once that job contract came to an end, his only luck in finding another job was to resign with a similar company in another country. Again, I stayed behind to finish my schooling and because my healthcare and safety couldn't be provided in the country that my husband was working in. He would simply visit on and off.When that stint was up, he signed with another company in the same state, but 6 hours away. Even then, he would only make it home once a month. I have finished my school and now work 2 jobs to help him feel secure enough to come home, only to find out that he no longer wants to.I don't want to move because we have a home and I have a reliable career, where he signs contracts and leaves once they are up--no telling how long he will be without work. He is now telling me that he doesn't feel like he has anything to come back "home" to, and that it doesn't even feel like "home" to him. We have a non-existent sex life since we don't ever see each other and I am so angry that he doesn't feel like I'm important enough to come home to. He says he loves me, but his actions speak otherwise--mine do too. Are we headed towards a divorce? We don't have any children and we're still pretty young. Is it better to call it quits if you have a gut feeling like it's not going to work? If he isn't willing to come home to you and you're not willing to leave all that you've worked for to go to him, what's left?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 June 2015):
 I think basically that's what he's trying to say without making it anyone's fault. When he says he loves you, it means you are a good person and your efforts deserve credit but it's still not going to work out. Money is important to him and he's just not going to sit around jobless. You should never feel it's because of your ill health that he gave up on you. Even so to keep the wedding vows mean to stay with your spouse through sickness and health.
I don't think your husband is as heartless as he sounds when he said he didn't want to come home. Maybe he felt the break up would be easier if he sounded like that. Marriage life is about stability. A husband's career should see a permanence in the future and you should not be moving with him in a whim every few years.
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