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My boyfriend's practically dating this girl

Tagged as: Dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 May 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 24 May 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm naturally a brunette but I keep dying my hair and eyebrows red for my boyfriend of over two years. He's pretty much obsessed with red heads and it never bothered me until now.

The last five months, he's been hanging out with a natural red-head and they've been getting REALLY close. Like, she's actually slept over at his house when I've been home studying for my Nursing finals.

They've gone to the movies and to dinner together without me and they've even met each other's families. They're basically dating and it kills me inside knowing that this is going on and I can't do much about it.

Of course I've talked to him about this; my concerns and everything and he said simply that he's not sleeping with her but would like to. I asked him if he's dating both of us at the same time and he said, "That's just ridiculous. YOU'RE my girlfriend."

I told him that made no difference considering how close he and this other are getting. Apparently she's been practically begging him to bed her; it makes me sick!

On top of all this, my best guy friend isn't making things any better by telling me to break up with him and go out with a guy who will actually remain faithful. He just doesn't get it! This is my first love I'm talking about!

I just don't know what to do... please help...

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A female reader, laetitia Canada +, writes (24 May 2010):

laetitia agony auntTell him to stop hanging out with her or you're gone. Tell him that you don't like her and that you think that she is trying to make a move on him even though she knows he is in a relationship. Tell him that by being friends with her, he is encouraging her to do that and that he must immediately stop leading her on OR YOU're GONE.

In this situation, it is okay to give an ultimatum to a bf. And if he doesn't change, then move on.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010):

you might love him, but it's obvious to everyone that he doesnt love you. your "best guy friend" is most likely in love with you though just fyi

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010):

If this guy was my boyfriend, he would have been dumped ages ago. Not only is he being extremely immature, but he's cheating on you. How dare he tell you that he would like to sleep a with a girl that he's hanging out with CONSTANTLY. That's definite grounds for leaving his ass. He's not going to change, and if he hasn't slept with her already, he will. He won't remain faithful to you, because he doesn't respect you. I hope you gather the strength to get out while you still can. Best of luck.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (23 May 2010):

LazyGuy agony auntYou learn something every day. Never knew you could color eyebrows.

He is playing you and probably her as well.

Don't like it? Then stop being his toy.

What do you expect, that because you love him so much, he got to stop doing what he is doing? Ah yes, if only the world worked like that. Would be a lot nicer. But it doesn't.

You don't like what someone else is doing to you, then you got to stop it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010):

That's stupid that you're changing yourself to make him happy and he doesn't even appreciate you. best of luck darling xx

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A female reader, sugarplum786 South Africa +, writes (23 May 2010):

sugarplum786 agony auntNo matter how much it hurts you need to sever ties with him. I cannot warn you enough that if you dont break up with him he is going to dump you soon. That will be alot worst. Walk out of this at least with your head high and dont give him the last satisfaction of humiliating you.

It also helps to start having a life with friends and family and date guys as friends. When you meet a guy that treats you with repect and make you feel special you will realise what you missed out on and how the "ex" is not worth it. Dont fight for someone thats not worth it. You asked for our advise and you are the only one that can make the right decision. Read all the advise and you will notice how similar it is. We all can't be wrong, your head needs to rule and not the vulnerable heart.

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A female reader, Duckyhelp United Kingdom +, writes (23 May 2010):

Duckyhelp agony auntI agree with the others. He is being unkind to you and making you feel you should change for him.

He should love you for who you are, and if he doesnt he isnt worth it. and you will feel so much better for iit afterwards. maybe not straightaway but soon, cause you will see how much he mistreats you.

Make him choose between you and her, and if he even has to think about it, you know what you should do.

It will be so worth it. Trust me.

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A male reader, hoodstar United States +, writes (23 May 2010):

He already smashed that girl.Probably more than once. He is right YOUR HIS GIRLFRIEND but SHE IS A FRIEND WITH BENEFITS. Break up with him. No man is gonna go on dates with a female they are snot smashing. If they havent(which im 100% sure they did) they going to in 3,2,1

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010):

Your guy friend is absolutely right - ditch your boyfriend, he has no right to treat you like this. Even if he is your first love, you should not put up with some other girl sleeping over at his house. And espeically I would never put up with my byfriend saying he would like to sleep with another girl - how inconsiderate. You will be better off without him. I know it will seem like the end of the world if you break up with him, and it will hurt very much, but it will be better in the long run because you will meet someone decent. Give him a choice - you or her!! And if he does not immediately choose you, you'll know it is time to move on. Good luck.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (23 May 2010):

I think because this is your first love you are letting him get away with murder.

If any other boyfriend told you he wanted to sleep with someone else and was treating you with such INCREDIBLE disrespect then you would have kicked him out of the door months ago.

You are dying your hair and changing your appearance just to try and keep him!! That is just not right. It's like you are happy to accept that he will never love you for you.

You may love him, but that does not give him the right to treat you or ANY girl like this.

Tell him she goes or you do. Then if she's still around after a week, then walk away from him.

Most decent men would never EVER act in this way and you can do better.

Good Luck!! xx

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