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My boyfriend has a fat fetish... and I'm not fat!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 May 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 17 May 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend has a fat fetish?! what do i do...?? i only found out by reading his emails and saw loads of BBW adult sites he had signed up to. i am totally normal sized (even slim) and he has never suggested that i gain weight or anything like that!! I am worried as there are messages from girls on these sites... and i think he might be playing around online and chatting to them (there was messages asking them to add him to msn etc) what do i do... i dont want to confront him as i dont want to humiliate him. we live together and are planning a future together. even if I confront him and admits it, then what... ?!

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A female reader, Sharonsmith United Kingdom +, writes (17 May 2016):

I know these posts are rather old. Buy I would like to find out if the relationships were solved? I'm in the same situation. I confronted him... he admitted it. I am really worried that he was able to hide this from me for 2 years and carry on texting other women... wile insisting that he loves me with ought feeling guilty. I've been living with it for a month and don't know if I can carry on like this...

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A female reader, Tosha Berries United States +, writes (15 October 2012):

Tosha Berries agony auntI wish this convo wasn't years ago because I'm dealing with this now.

I'm not fat nor skinny but I don't know if my man is attracted to me or not. He went from watching bbw to watching ssbbw And this is a everyday thing for him. But we have sex anywhere from 0-4 times a month. He doesn't tell me how sexy I am or how attractive I am to hes I am unless I ask him how I look.

I've asked him why he into bbw porn and if that's what he's attracted to he said no he just like big boobs and butts but for my size I don't think a 38dd is bad and I've never had any complaints.

My ass is nice and round and it gets lots of attention just not his. I walk around him naked, I sleep naked and I get no looks or reactions from him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011):

I have the same situation in my marriage, with a small twist. My twist my make you feel better. When I met my husband I weighed about 170 lbs. I have steadily gotten thinner over the years, and now weigh about 125. Has our sex life gotten better? We are having sex more now, that I am thin, then when we first started dating. He's more attracted to me in real life. Does my husband still look at BBW porn? I found it on his computer this morning. :) lol. See? It's not any relation to attractiveness of you. It's difference that matters in porn. I myself enjoy lesbian porn. Have I ever been with a woman? No, and I have never had the inclination in real life. So, enjoy your sex life and don't sweat the porn thing.

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A male reader, turdbg Macedonia +, writes (28 January 2011):

So here is my point f view:

I am married. But watch porn with women of all ages and shapes. Sometimes together with my wife. I would also have sex with anyone i happen to like. But the question is- "can there be love without sex?" and "can there be sex without love?" To the first question my answer is "No" and to the second one "Yes". It is very personally thing if to accept sex with others like a cheat or not. For me i would be mad not for my wife have sex and have good orgasms with other guys but if she cheated me on emotional, love feeling level.

And I think your worries are in vain. What if he was watching at some skinny Japan, or some skinny African women? What is the difference when he have chosen you?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010):

Some men really enjoy big women! and it's not a fantasy it is reality. i seen this one thing on tyra banks show the woman was 400lbs and her husband or boyfriend was really skinny and he liked her getting w/ him on the bed but him on the bottom and he wanted her to pounce on him! some men are just really attracted to big women that is their prefrence seriously don't mean to burst you're bubble but if it wer'e me i would want to know before i said i do!! or if you really love him and he really enjoys big women then maybe gain some weight but then it becomes a health issue in so many ways.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

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A female reader, ariel1210 United States +, writes (29 May 2010):

I have the EXACT same issue. We are engaged and are getting married in 5 months...

I discovered all of this almost a year ago, and I confronted him immediately. He assures me that he is extremely turned on by me and desperately wants to marry me. I am a tall thin blonde, and I know I am very attractive. I never thought I would have to question my future husband's attraction to me. He admitted to talking to over 50 overweight, sometimes morbidly obese, women online just since we've been engaged. He says being a fat admirer is an addiction he's had since he was a teenager, and he has even started therapy now. He has repeatedly messed up; almost once a month i've caught him. It even went as far as him giving out his phone number recently. He tells me he hates this addiction because it is not what he wants in real life. I know he is attracted to be because our sex life is great. He has NEVER led me to believe I should gain weight, but he does enjoy the parts on me that do have fat, my butt and boobs.

So my worry is, why does he gravitate toward obese women if I am enough and everything he says he needs? It has almost destroyed his life a few times, so why would he risk it all for fat women?

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (15 May 2010):

Him having a thing about fat women is not really a problem. Men often look at porn of a completely different nature to their real life girlfriend.... Having a wank is not nice, and to do it over a picture of a girl and then forget about her 2 mins later is not nice. Often guys have a "type" of girl that they find sexy but can just forget because they don't like them in real life, it's just a fantasy.

Then they have their girlfriend who they love and respect and all that jazz.

Your problem here is that he's been talking to these girls, and signing up for things - I personally would count that as cheating. I think you would too.

So you have to decide if you can forgive him. You know he's done it. He doesn't have to admit it for you to know that.

This is all about what you want the next step to be. If he apologises and promises to stop signing up to sites, and never ever to chat to girls over the internet again... would that be enough?

You need to know if this is enough that it's going to break you up.

Then just tell him. You found the websites he's been visiting and you know he's been talking to other girls. It doesn't matter what they look like. They could look exactly like you and it would be exactly the same.

See how he reacts and give him a chance to make it up to you if you think you can forgive him.

If you don't think you can get over it, then start looking for other places to live and have it all sorted so you can just say you know, and you can't forgive him and you'll send someone for the rest of your stuff and to sort out bills next week.

Good Luck!! xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010):

ok well theres a couple of things have to be said here. my first question is does he know your reading his emails? to many this could be seen as untrusting and invading.

second thing is guy and their fetishes. we have fetishes but it doesnt mean we actually want that or prefer that. its just something interesting that we dont have at the moment and seem interesting. plus us guys go in phases as well. one month its BBW, next month its Scat, next month is Shemales and next year is Zoo pron, etc... so really dont worry about it.

third: most of these sites that tell you to add them on msn or something are normally bots. just fake msn or yahoo account that are controlled by a program that just promotes the website. so it isnt an actually person.

forth: just sit him done calmly and ask him about the fetish. like why he likes it or how much he watches it. but then make sure you tell him your a little unsure if hes still interested in you.

finally: please dont do what Kayla told you to do. from a guy point, if you tell him flat out how you feel and just drop the convo. then continue with a kiss on the cheek... you will be asking for World War 3. you need to discuss and communicate. not just one sided bombard on the person. and no little kiss on the cheek, that just ticks us guys off most of the time like that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010):

Please don't worry about it there is no need to confront him.

I also have bbw fetish but it's only sometimes and trust me i wouldnt want a fat girlfriend and my girlfriend is superslim and i love sex with her . I just like bbw porn but only sometimes and that's all i don't want to go any further.

And about that email think those are spam when u join website like that.

Although U can confront him about it and listen his side of the story.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010):

Why don't you want to confront him? You have every right to know why he is visiting those sites. If you intend on building a future with this guy, it is very important you discuss this with him and not be afraid. Be bold and brave and speak up because, what if he goes from looking at fat models online to something else like hardcore porn? Are you still going to be afraid to speak up to him then? Just go to him in a calm and respectable manner because, even when you are upset, you should still try to remain calm and lady like..so go to him in a calm manner, tell him what you discovered, explain to him that this behavior is disrespectful and should have no part in your relationship. Tell him if this is some sort of addication he has, that you will support in seeking professional help, but that you are hoping this behavior will stop. Don't argue with him, don't fight with him, just tell him what you have to say and drop the conversation---you can even end the convo by giving him a kiss on the cheek or something and then see what he does from that point.

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