| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Is it true that if a woman confides in you as a friend for a long time, your chances with her romantically are shot? That's what some guys told me. I've never really believed in silly rules like that though. A friend and I were interested in each other back when circumstances made being together impossible. We agreed not to pursue each other and I pretended I was over her. Now we could be together. She always contacts me after a few weeks and tells me about her problems (not related to men). I give her advice and she thanks me. She seems to be over me as well. She asks what I'm up to. Then we trade correspondence a few times. Sometimes she sends me a photo of her dog (she knows I don't like the dog). I usually stop writing her back because I really like her and can't just be her friend. I don't want to stick around long enough to hear about other guys in her life. I would never give her bad advice in that area, but I'm not interested in hearing about it. i.e. I would be a bad friend. But each time she contacts me after a silent period, she always needs advice for some problem, so I'd feel bad if I ignored her.I feel like I can't "make a move" because we already talked about it a year ago. I figure she'll be creeped out if she knows I still like her. Like I've betrayed her trust or something.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (4 June 2010):
 Okay, I mean this in a gentle way, but you seriously need to grow up. You have a girl who you have feelings for, and you have the precious gift of being able to have her confide in you, which for many MANY long relationships/marriages, the romance started as a friendship and not that gushy "love at first sight" stuff.
You need to man up, take the risk, and let her know how you feel and that you want to start a relationship with her. This whole yo-yoing back and forth with not talking to her, scared of her talking about other men, stuff is just childish. You're like the pre-Adolescent girl who, upon seeing her crush, goes and hides behind the drinking fountain.
So go get her! You'll feel better!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Go for it- IMO this is a case by case basis. Some girls can't make the switch, some can. You have nothing to loose and plenty to gain.
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A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (4 June 2010):
 I think the guys who told you that are imbeciles. The reason being intimate with a friend probably doesn't work for them is more than likely because they can't deal with strong emotional attachment coupled with sex. I've done what you describe, it was very nice. It worked.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): She will flattered to hear you still like her!! Tell her "I've liked you all this time, were already close so why not give it a go" any woman would be flattered!!!
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A
female
reader, pollina  +, writes (3 June 2010):
look...heres how i see it...its possible to have something with your friend because it happened to me...theres nothing better in the world than having your friend as your partner. just be patient and time will give you the answers..i started hanging around with my friend and never even thought about a relashionship and suddenly it happened..ive been with him for over 15 years and still very in love...just dont rush things..good luck :)
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