A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello there!I wonder ,if a man might be able to get an erection with one woman, but never with an other. I wonder,if my husband has sexual desire issues, but not really erection problems.. Does anybody here have psychological ED?Please tell me, if it is possible, that he can't get erected with me, but can somewhere else he can. He says he loves me, but he does not get aroused, and he stays limp. The doctor checked him, he is healthy, very good shape, no issues with heart, or hormones. It is a mystery. I don't know, how I will find an answer, but we had no sex,1 year ago. He says, he never thinks of sex. Im so confused. I don't want to be a victim. Please tell me, if it is possible, on such long term, that a man is just in denial , but he is only turned off from his wife?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 So he can get an erection with other women? How do you know this, are you having an open relationship or have threesomes etc.?
If you know for a fact that he can get an erection with another woman (porn does not count, neither does morning wood), then it could be pshycological. I'm going to go on a wild guess here, but there is such a thing as the Madonna and Whore complex. A man can want to marry the Madonna, as she is holy, sacret, pure, and so on. But she is so holy that he can not see her as a real woman, and certainly not as someone to have sex with. But he can have sex with the "Whore". A man with such a complex needs helps in combining the Madonna and the Whore, and see that his wife/girlfriend is both of these.
Google it to learn more. But this is just a far shot, I don't know your husband and I am not a psychologist, nor can anyone make a diagnosis online.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): I understand the question. I`m not sure I have a valid answer, but I`ll try anyway.
I'm late 40s and was diagnosed with blood pressure issues maybe half a dozen years ago. The meds I was put on immediately gave me normal blood pressure readings, but equally gave me ED issues. ED meds don't work for me -- bad side effects. So I've had to choose between having a stroke that would leave me babbling in diapers, or ED.
That said, I haven't been with anyone new for 30 years. And looking at porn can give me a far better erection than I can get with my wife. So it's possible that the routine, the boredom, of the same old with my wife, isn't helping. I don't want someone different, I don't want to cheat. But my wife is very set in her ways, and those ways don't particularly do it for me.
I do wonder if another woman might make me function better, but I'll never try that -- I take my vows seriously. I also can imagine things with my wife, if she were open to different things, that might make things better. So, perhaps the answer for you is to be open to different things, things that go beyond the "same old" with your husband. And I don't necessarily mean things that are wierd or extreme. But if you could talk to him about it, you might be surprised about little things that could really work for him.
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