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Is it me? What should I do?

Tagged as: Friends, Gay relationships, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 December 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 19 December 2014)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So, I'm a 20 year old gay guy and I'm feeling a little lonely and vulnerable right now. I'm already in my 20's and I've never even kissed another man yet alone have one as a boyfriend. And I really wanna know why that is. I mean, I know the fact that I don't have 100% of total freedom to be independent yet has something to do with it but there must be more. For some reason I feel like guys aren't interested in me at all and that I repel gay guys. Like I don't even have gay friends. I either have countless straight guy friends who I end up falling into the trap of having feelings for or countless female friends. And we mesh well! But whenever I am around other gay guys I do feel some weird/awkward vibe in the air and I don't know if it's coming from me or from them. I've yet to find another gay guy I can become close with. I do know that whenever I'm around other gay guys, I do feel kind of inferior and that they're judging me because I'm not as open personally, or as flamboyant, or as loud, or as attractive or whatever it is. The list goes on. I really don't understand what it is. Can anyone help? Is this my fault? Because I actually really admire these guys and want to be more of a part of the gay community. It would be nice to have a gay best friend at least to talk to about things we share in common and I really don't have that. Or have ever had that. And whenever I'm alone or home for the holidays it makes me realize how lonely I am and how much I want a guy in my life. Am I doing this to myself? Is there something I should be doing? What do I do?

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A female reader, buubly100 United Kingdom +, writes (19 December 2014):

Hello there, to me it sounds like your pretty under confident in yourself, and as soon as you address that, get your head up and get stuck in then I think your problem will start solving itself

thinking that guys aren't interested in you because your not as open about your sexuality , is absurd-just because your gay doesn't mean you need to flaunt it! My friend is gay, and hates the stereotype of flamboyant out there gays, and has found a partner who accepts that and loves him just the way he is.

Remember as well that you're still only 20, and finding relationships at that age is so much more difficult than people say. However if you can maybe get involved in some gay community groups, or clubbing nights, depending on the area you are from there are usually gay socialising groups around if you google it!

My advise is to keep your head up and keep calm about it, and one day you'll meet a nice gay guy to be friends with or even more. Just get your confidence up! Work your assets and the rest will come

Best of luck xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2014):

Maybe the next time there is a gay pride parade get yourself along! There will be plenty of people like you there to talk to.

I'm straight - but I know from experience that I too didn't feel at ease dating other straight people at first - it took me a while & hence now I'm in the position where I feel more comfortable being single rather than in a relationship - so don't leave it too late!

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