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I'm lost with no direction after a long-term relationship.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Health, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 May 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 20 May 2012)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Me and my ex broke up about 8 months ago and in that time I was going through a roller coaster of emotions because before we broke up we took a break and she left with some other guy, I couldnt handle the fact that she did that, so we officially broke up 8 months ago on mutual terms and believe me I wanted to get out the most.

A month after the break she started dating this other guy and I thought he was a rebound and then 2 months after our break up I confessed and told her I still had feelings for her. She admitted she still had feelings for me and we started hanging out about once every week behind her boyfriends back but she never wanted to get more closer than a kiss. The closest was my arm around her in the movies and kiss on the cheek. After being in this cycle of her not knowing who she wanted to be with, I decided to call it quits and take her out of my life because it became unhealthy for me.

Its been 5 months now since we last even had contact and she crosses my mind basically everyday. I changed my whole image, got a nickname, and got new hobbies and made a new best friend. But my problem is that deep down I feel lost, angry, guilt, and unhappy. I became anti social and everytime I try to become friends with people I sound like a creep that doesn't have any friends. I went to rave last night and was really messed up and I love raves used to always and enjoy myself in the past and that night I just felt lost without a place even though my best friend was there. A week ago by accident I was talking to my old best friend and she told me accidently that she's still going out with the guy that I thought was a rebound.

I honestly do not know where to go from here, my whole life revolved around her. We went out for 4 years and she was my best friend of 5 years. I broke down to my friend yesterday and told him, I was scared that I don't even know who I really am. It just hurts so much and fell hopeless. Can't even make new friends because I lack the ability to and find now TRUE enjoyment from anything.

Has anyone please relate to me and tell me their story and how they coped with it, Thank You.

View related questions: a break, best friend, broke up, my ex

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A female reader, paso_doble United States +, writes (20 May 2012):

Sweetie, you need to do a cople of things. The first is to hold a private funeral for this relation. Dig a grave, get a cedar jwelery box and put in it "My relationship with ____ is dead." Then bury it. Next you need to have a sit down with your ex girl and her current love. You need to tell her why you initially want the relationship to end, about the getting together behind his back, and how you have felt since. You then need to let both of them know you are finally moving on with your life. That you buried the relationship. Wish them well, and leave them alone. You may then want a few sessions with a shrink or not, but you will have laid to rest an elephant that had you down.

You won't be free until you free yourself.

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A female reader, Ricky2727 United States +, writes (20 May 2012):

Hey,

Recovering from a long term relationship can be very difficult. Its important to take the necessary steps to get over the person you were once with. Unfortunately its best to go cold turkey and cut them out of your life completely... this means blocking them from facebook, blocking them from IM, cutting their number out of your phone... basically severing all contact. I know it seems easier said than done but seeing where they are in life whether it be through hanging out in person or following their statuses on facebook it actually slows the process of ever being able to get over them. Out of sight and out of mind.

Secondly... grieve... its perfectly okay. They say that it can take at least half of the length of the actual relationship to fully get over your ex. Don't hold back your emotions and let it all out.... its all apart of the healing process. Distract yourself with friends and hobbies. These things take time and the healing will happen even though it seems like its impossible to achieve.

Nothing is ever a waste of time so use your experiences in this past relationship to better the next one. You WILL find someone better and they will not leave you because they will love you.

I have a couple experiences.... i was dating this guy for around 2 and a 1/2 years but he never commit. We had consistent sex but it never lead to any relationship. Everyone thought we were official but the only people we werent official to were ourselves. It hurt me so bad and i spent so many nights over analyzing and crying and thinking to myself... whats wrong with me? Why aren't I good enough? I finally got over it when i cut him out of my life... i stopped answering his texts, defriended him on facebook, blocked him on IM and all sorts of other mediums. It was only then that I was able to heal and focus on myself and realize that he was only hurting me and killing my self esteem. After thinking id never find anyone better... i met someone fantastic several months later and we totally click... it made me realize that what i had before was nothing what a relationship should be like and that im much happier now.

Don't lose hope... things will get better even though we tend to get into the mind set that things will never improve... they will, trust me. Take it one day at a time and know the future is brighter. Best of luck.

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A female reader, Ricky2727 United States +, writes (20 May 2012):

Hey,

Recovering from a long term relationship can be very difficult. Its important to take the necessary steps to get over the person you were once with. Unfortunately its best to go cold turkey and cut them out of your life completely... this means blocking them from facebook, blocking them from IM, cutting their number out of your phone... basically severing all contact. I know it seems easier said than done but seeing where they are in life whether it be through hanging out in person or following their statuses on facebook it actually slows the process of ever being able to get over them. Out of sight and out of mind.

Secondly... grieve... its perfectly okay. They say that it can take at least half of the length of the actual relationship to fully get over your ex. Don't hold back your emotions and let it all out.... its all apart of the healing process. Distract yourself with friends and hobbies. These things take time and the healing will happen even though it seems like its impossible to achieve.

Nothing is ever a waste of time so use your experiences in this past relationship to better the next one. You WILL find someone better and they will not leave you because they will love you.

I have a couple experiences.... i was dating this guy for around 2 and a 1/2 years but he never commit. We had consistent sex but it never lead to any relationship. Everyone thought we were official but the only people we werent official to were ourselves. It hurt me so bad and i spent so many nights over analyzing and crying and thinking to myself... whats wrong with me? Why aren't I good enough? I finally got over it when i cut him out of my life... i stopped answering his texts, defriended him on facebook, blocked him on IM and all sorts of other mediums. It was only then that I was able to heal and focus on myself and realize that he was only hurting me and killing my self esteem. After thinking id never find anyone better... i met someone fantastic several months later and we totally click... it made me realize that what i had before was nothing what a relationship should be like and that im much happier now.

Don't lose hope... things will get better even though we tend to get into the mind set that things will never improve... they will, trust me. Take it one day at a time and know the future is brighter. Best of luck.

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A female reader, cute angel Australia +, writes (20 May 2012):

cute angel agony auntHey I know it must be hard for you to deal with this right now but more u dwell into this,the more its going to pull you in and it will be too late to get out..I think the reason your hurting is she has moved on and to watch your love with someone else hurts..what I can say from experience is let them go,if their belong to you they'l come back if they don't then the two of you were never meant to be together..if you keep doing this to yourself you will never meet new people,you deserve to be loved as well so give urself the chance to fall in lovee all over again,its going to magical..whatever u shared with her I am sure must be nice but now its abt time to lock it all up and throw the key away and start new..new chapter,new page,new you..good luck x

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