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I'm feeling insecure. Almost three years datiing and we know each other very well. Have we hit the comfort zone?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 May 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 17 May 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm scared.

This is my first long relationship and I don't know if we've hit a comfort zone or if we're falling apart.

We've been together 2 years and 10 months. He says I love you but not all the time like he used to (every day). It feels like he knows I'm not going anywhere. This comforts me but I mistake it by thinking he doesn't want to talk to me anymore or something.

I just don't know what to expect in a long relationship.

I know he loves me (I truly know it) but my insecurities make me feel different.

How can I fix this? He's had longer relationships so I know he can be committed and that he is. I just don't know what to expect. What happens once you've been together 3 years and basically know everything about each other? Will we break up?

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A female reader, Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (17 May 2015):

Aidan agony auntIf you truly know he loves you then, first off, trust in that. Trust what you feel is true and believe in it, you're most likely right.

Why not talk to him about how you're feeling and these insecurities? By talking it through with your boyfriend he may be able to make you feel better and more secure in the relationship and make you realise you have nothing to worry about.

Knowing and being together with someone for a long while doesn't mean that it's reached its limit! There's so much more to explore and strengthen in a relationship - keep at it if that's what you want.

Be confident with yourself and what you have - from what you've mentioned it seems like you've reached a level of intimacy with someone which many people may or will never achieve, so keep it safe.

But the main advice: talk to your boyfriend. Talk to him about your insecurities, about how you feel and work it out together how you can move along and make you feel more comfortable. This, hopefully, will put all your worries to bed and let you fulfil your relationship for all the years to come.

Hope this has helped!

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A female reader, buubly100 United Kingdom +, writes (17 May 2015):

Hey there,

Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and in all fairness I sometimes have the same thing- I feel like he doesn't say im beautiful anymore and he doesn't say that he loves me as many times as he did.

Weird trick I've learnt is rather than acting hostile and upset, I act the reverse-smiling, showing him affection and then he seems to really step up.

Also encourage him! boys are so silly sometimes, they just need some guidance and don't realise when they have done something wrong- hint at him like "oh I really like it when you say you love me in the morning, it makes my day" or "it makes me feel special when you tell me I'm beautiful" something nice like that.

Also make sure your making the effort too, its all too easy to say that he doesn't say he loves you as much as he did, but do you say it to him as much as you used to?

old trick-but spruce up, wear something pretty, show him you care, with an evening of just you two do something you love together and hopefully it will be reciprocated :)

most importantly enjoy yourself :p lifes too short xx

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