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I worry myself silly when he goes out to have fun without me! How can I stop being this way?

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Question - (25 October 2006) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 October 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

Hello everyone

CAn you tell me please is it normal to get a sinking feeling in your stomach when your boyfriend says he is going out that night with his friends? I know I will sit at home tonight and worry about what he's up to, and wont be able to sleep unless he texts me to say that he is home. I will keep waking up to see if he has texted me and if he hasnt all kinds of all (cheating) scenarios will come into my mind! What can i tell myself to help myself sleep and stop worrying?

PS We have been together for two years and i have always had this problem. xx

PPS He doesnt mind AT ALL when i go out.

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A female reader, Toria +, writes (26 October 2006):

Toria agony auntHas something happened in the past to make you be untrusting? either with him or in a past relationship.

No amount of worrying is going to stop someone from cheating if they are going to do it they will and until he does anything to confirm what you are worrying about you really need to give him the benefit that he is just enjoying himself with his mates and thats all it is.

Whenever I'm in a relationship I'm exactly the same as you even if the person I'm with has done nothing wrong or anything to make me feel and act that way I think some of us just are more secure than others.

Good luck :o)

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A female reader, pica +, writes (25 October 2006):

Seriously, this is not good for you. You are worrying unnecessarily and putting a strain on yourself and potentially your relationship. As you say you've always had this problem. It doesn't need to be like this. Speak to your doctor about counselling. I had a friend with a similar problem and counselling really helped her address the issues that were causing these feelings. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006):

no, it's not normal. or at least that's not the ideal way of handling it. i'd say that your boyfriend not caring when you go out is how it should be. especially after two years together. because in that time frame, you should have developed trust in each other, and confidence that you're not going to cheat one each other. and it seems to me that he's developed that, but you haven't. maybe you've been cheated on before in past relationships? maybe even he's cheated on you before? who knows what the reason is that you feel this way. there could be millions. but i challenge you to try and figure out where this insecurity came from. because knowing WHY you feel a certain way can really help you to get over it in the future. and ask him to help you. ask him to reassure you sometimes that he'd never do anything to hurt you, and that he's just going to be with his buddies and he loves you. reassurance is always nice to hear. and also, you mentioned that you'll just be sitting at home tonight worrying and waiting on his text message. well that's another problem. get out there and do something yourself. even if your friends aren't available, take a walk, go for a drive, go shopping. ANYTHING but sitting at home. anyway, i hope you don't stay up too late tonight worrying.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006):

me personally i think this is normal as i have been with my husband for five years and married for 2 years, and even now i still get the sinking feeling, but what i do to try and shake the sinking feeling is to invite a few girls round and have a girly night in or if its not possible to get friends to come round which on few occaisions i ahvent been able to just have a girly night in with your self for example a film, bottle of wine maybe some chocolates and do your nails and put on a face mask anything to keep your mind of it

I hope this helps

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