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I want to renew wedding vows as original wedding was tacky but husband refuses.

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Question - (28 July 2022) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 August 2022)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I need advice to see if I’m being unreasonable.

I got engaged in 2019 and was planning to marry in 2021 as I found a beautiful venue that was out of budget but my fiancé and I had planned to work extra hard to save up as we both loved the place.

I had my heart set on so many things and then my fiancés uncle was diagnosed with cancer and my fiancés mum (his sister) pushed us to bringing the wedding forward as she wanted her brother to attend.

My fiancé wasn’t even close to his uncle! But we did it to keep the peace.

Unfortunately as we didn’t have much savings our wedding was on a tight budget and tacky. I hated it. I can’t even look at our wedding album as the day was just so gloomy! The venue was a horrible hall, our food was a cheap buffet and my dress was cheap. We didn’t even have a prior wedding cake.

Just FYI my mother in law did not contribute anything to the wedding.

The whole wedding was doom and gloom as my mother in law spent the entire day crying about her brother and fussing over over him.

What I found extremely strange was that in the 5 years I’d been with my fiancé, I only saw his uncle a handful of times and my fiancés mum never seemed that close to him.

As it happens his uncle is in remission and doing well so in hindsight there was no need for us to have bought the wedding forward.

What is also odd is that my MIL told us that his cancer diagnosis was really bad yet told other members of the family the opposite. I honestly have no idea what she was playing at.

I have told my husband I now want to renew our vows at the venue we had originally planned for. Financially we can now afford it but my husband doesn’t want to. He thinks it’s a waste of time but I need to have better memories of the day that was supposed to be “the happiest day of my life”- I sacrificed my original wedding to accommodate his family and make them happy- now he doesn’t want to make me happy. Am I being unreasonable?

View related questions: cheap, engaged, wedding

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2022):

What a first aunties comments feels true.. I don't understands too, why need those shows! When I get married its just in a court, a very simple and not even a 50 dollars dress wedding outfit, just a simple small japanese restaurant not even a reservation. Just look for it get in and eat, thanks god i don't have so much guest its not even 10 persons. But you know what" my marriage last till death do us part and that's what matters most.... My husband is in heaven now but we have a great married that i am proud of..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2022):

You chose to do this. Just for the record when I got married years ago we had no money at all, I had to wear clothes I had for years, no buffet or meal after, and just a simple ceremony in a hall. The only thing we spent money on was wedding rings - cheap ones. It makes no difference at all to the marriage or your memories if you love each other. You sound spoilt and selfish. And blaming someone who was dying of cancer is tacky. You chose to do it this way. When women make a big thing about the wedding, buffet, clothes, honeymoon, that always tells me they are more into showing off and wanting to be the centre of attention and be spoilt than love and commitments.

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