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I need to draw a wedge between them...

Tagged as: Dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 November 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2008)
A female India age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi, I'm Peridot. I was in a relationship with this great guy, but now it's somehow falling apart. I don't know how to get him back...

And plus, there's this girl, who is trying to make problems between me and him purposely. She calls him up, chats with him and tries to go out with him, especially when I am around. I cannot understand why she would do this, because I've always treated her like a sister.

The thing is, SN (the guy), says he finds me a bit too much of taking up space. But when I avoid him, ignore him, he comes to talk to me and calls me. If I respond, he withdraws again.

I know how to get him back, that it, until the ignoring stage. After that, i'm lost on how to keep him interested.

As for that girl, I cannot understand how to draw a wedge between him and her. He used to hate her. Then i told him to be nice to her, because college is about to be over soon, and he shouldn't part on bad terms with anybody. And it was like kicking my own good fortune away.

Now, they have become good friends, and I want to draw them apart. SN used to hate her cause he thought she didn't respect him, and now she's showering him with attention purposely, so I cannot use that to draw them away.

He also goes to her whenever there is any problem between us. She says to him, don't tell Peridot we met, she wouldn't like it... How dare she!

And with me, (we're roomies), she behaves very rudely. She doesn't even talk to me, for God's sake! And she tells SN things which make him feel i don't even love him...

I do, and he knows it too...But in between, SN and I had a huge fight, and she made him angrier at me, and made him so against me..!

I really don't know what to do. I need to draw a wedge between these two, and to understand how to keep SN with me, once he comes to me when I ignore him... Please help..?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

Baap re! It sounds like a Hindi movie.

you have been given excellent advice by aunts/uncle on DearCupid.

Your roomie can easily be changed.You need to speak to the hostel warden.Find one of the seniors who are moving out.There's always some one or the other who is moving out.

The tale that your roomie cannot be changed doesn't sound right.

I understand you are feeling hurt.Its very easy to feel betrayed by a friend.

I have a few questions to ask you.

1.If your boyfriend really loved you,why would he be discussing the problems that you guys have ,with her?

If you ask me, from your post he sounds extremely

interested in her

2.Is it worth all the scheming,planning and Mission

"GET HIM BACK" to keep a guy with you who seems like

he wants to test new waters.

3.Have you spoken about this to any one else other than

the four of your close friends?

Now my take on the situation:

you shouldn't say "How dare she?" about your other friend.you should be saying to SN,"How dare you?".He is the one who is not considering your relationship sacred.

No one can make any one against the other.Your relationship was already struggling.She was just the final nail in the coffin.

you cannot make anyone love you.Love is not forced or pressurized.People fall out of love at times.The most graceful thing to do and there by retain your respect is LET HIM GO.

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A female reader, Peridot India +, writes (30 November 2008):

I'm in college, and living in a hostel, so i cnt change my roomie. Plus, i really love the guy. He doesn't have any interest in her. She's the one trying to create problems coz she's jealous. She had a crush on a common friend, but he rejected her, and now, coz SN is another common friend, and the four of us (she, me SN and her crush) are actually in a close friend circle, she doesn't want my love to succeed if hers doesn't... I don't want her to win in this.. Please give me some advice...

Thanks for your answers, support and concern... It really means a lot

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008):

Best is not to get involved. When meddling, you get caught in between and things don't always work out the way we want.

So for now I think you should just "back off", let them sort out themselves. I am sure you have better things to spent your time and energy on then to waste it on them. No matter how difficult, let them be. You deserve better and start thinking and concentrating on more positive things. Replace your mental energy to more important matters. You are wise and intelligent, don't allow them to affect your life.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008):

If I were you I'd leave them to get on with it. They deserve each other. he obviously doesn't regard you as highly as you do him.

If possible, find different accommodation and a new room-mate so that you don't have to put up with her ignorance. Then find yourself a man who will respect you and love you. Leave this one in the mess he's bound to create for himself with your room-mate. Hopefully your EX room-mate!

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A female reader, Teacake United States +, writes (29 November 2008):

Teacake agony auntI've been in a similar situation and the more I tried to show him that she was making trouble, he would side with her. The best thing is to get away from them both and tell him to get back with you when things between them are over and to please not let her gossip about you. Its not only unfair and cruel to talk about people behind their back, but if he was your friend, he would tell her he refuses to gossip.

Let her come off like the gossip and trouble maker she is, her true colors will show soon and you will hold your head high, keep your dignity and get away from both of them.

Anything you do to wedge, will backfire!

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