A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months and we were dating for two months prior to this. Initially I was really happy with how our relationship was, we were really close friends before hand so it just kind of seemed to flow. But in the past month I have found him to be so lazy and distant with communication. We are both at college and therefore really busy but that's no excuse to not bother. He used to bother, now I initiate every meet up and every conversation. What doesn't help is that I am currently dealing with anxiety issues and regular panic attacks. So more than ever I feel like I need someone to be there. Just somebody to ask how I am and show some interest in me. But instead I have to drag conversation out of him and it just feels like he doesn't care. When we do meet up its fine, we chat and laugh and have great sexual chemistry. But we only meet because I organise it. I understand that my anxiety does play a role in how I perceive things but all my friends have said that he doesn't appreciate me as he should. How can I show him that he needs to make an effort? I think I'm apprehensive about confronting him because I want him to be interested because he is interested in me...Not showing interest because I've told him to. Anybody been in a similar position? How do I make him understand that I don't want to be taken for granted? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 January 2016):
 Anxiety and Panic attacks are awful to deal with, I have lived through them, but as much as we need support in these times, it is important that you help yourself, be independent and be strong. You shouldn't rely on him to much.
However after saying that, if he is making no effort at all then really there is nothing you are getting out of this relationship. I am aware you have issues, but that is part of you not all of you.
I think what you should do is not text, not call. Don't make any plans with him for a while, see how long it takes him to talk to you, ask you when you want to meet up ect. Also when you do meet up ask to meet him for coffee or something, somewhere where you have no choice to talk. If you are getting the indication that he is bored then he probably is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2016): I would like to soften my response. I have been both sides of the fence. I have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks. I grew out of them in my teens. I now have a lovely friend who suffers with them. Without sounding mean as he is a lovely, warm and kind man, he exhausts me. Sometimes I dread opening his texts as I am wondering what its going to be now... He struggles with them about twice a month and they come and go. Its like being hit with a hammer emotionally. He panics and goes into overdrive and it stresses me out to the point where I cant face his texts anymore. And this is while I am at work!!! Then I get home and sometimes dread another text. I feel he drains me emotionally. This is a sad situation because hes a great guy. Every woman he meets struggles with his condition. He is getting help but it makes relationships incredibly difficult for him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2016): Sweetie, you have panic attacks! How is he supposed to deal with that? Average people aren't prepared to deal with serious psychological issues. Most people want the ordinary.
My dear, the average everyday guy is prepared to deal with things that they see normally everyday. You deal with panic attacks and anxiety disorder, and he doesn't want that. He wants an ordinary girlfriend.
I think you need to deal with your issues and get a boyfriend once you overcome those issues. Otherwise, he will never have fun and feel that everything centers around your problems.
It's not just about you.
...............................
|
