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I hate my life right now and all I want to do is cry...

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 April 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 3 August 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, *ickichici writes:

I currently hate my life. First my boyfriend of four years breaks up with me and I have to move back home, where my parents who are retired now and are always around. Then the transmission on my car breaks. I can't afford to fix it because my minimum wage job only gives me an average of 8 hours a week. I also cannot go back to school until I find $2000 for last fall plus $3500 for next semester. I barely have the money to pay my bills, let alone go out and have any fun. Not that I could go out since I have no one to go with. The friends that didn't stop talking to me when I got with my ex either live way to far away or never have any money for anything. And on top of it I have to go see some special doctor on my birthday because I've got some blood disorder. My ex says he still loves me and tells people he wants to get back together in the future.

All I want to do is go over there and scream "I want this bullshit to end. Grow up and get over yourself. I want my life back!" Please, I need advice, what do I do? I cannot keep going like this all I ever want to do is cry.

View related questions: get back together, money, my ex

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A male reader, Ed_9987 United States +, writes (3 August 2010):

Ed_9987 agony auntWell, I am coming in on this kinda late, I hope you are not still wanting to cry. I dare say that I know where you are coming from.

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A female reader, Country Woman United Kingdom +, writes (10 April 2009):

Country Woman agony auntStay positive and maybe consider widening your search for a new job, I am sure you have a bus service you could take until you can afford transport.

You sound SO negative and down and whilst you remain in that mind set you will always see the glass half empty and not half full.

My sister who has worked all her life and had company cars with her job was made redundant recently - her fiance also lost his job before Christmas. She has 3 girls - twins of almost 20 who both have bf's and a daughter of 17 who is at college and has a part time job and a bf. They are all pulling together right now and just trying to keep paying the mortgage, she normally buys food for herself and the other 4 in the house plus the bf's each week and used to spend around £150 each week but has had to sign on for income support or jobseekers allowance. Look into everything right now including unemployment benefits as sometimes you might be surprised at what you are entitled to and it all adds up.

Just see each day as a new day and think I will get through this.

BFN

Country Woman

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A female reader, nickichici United States +, writes (10 April 2009):

nickichici is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, truthfully, I don't know why we broke up. I think it was because we moved in together a month after he graduated high school and now he wants to and is experiencing all the things he missed out on. As for college, I am trying to find money but I don't qualify for grants and don't have the credit for another loan. And work is the worst because I live in a small town. I have tons of applications and resumes out there. I literally went to almost every business to find a job, but there are so many people out of work...it just sucks.

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A male reader, andrew loves hali United States +, writes (10 April 2009):

andrew loves hali agony auntwell at points my life sucks ass but you have to take the good with the bad and always remember life goes on.

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A female reader, 00130945 United States +, writes (10 April 2009):

Don't worry your life is usually horrible before something really good happens. Just hang in there. I know it is hard right now, but things will get better. Just try to focus on all of the positive things about your life. You can try writing list of the good things and that will help you be more optimistic. Also, you could try getting loans for school or finding a better paying job. Just focus on one thing at a time. Everyone hates their life sometimes and life can really be hard. Just hang in there and you will be fine.

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A male reader, Guitarist  United Kingdom +, writes (10 April 2009):

Guitarist  agony auntMove to England and i'll look after you. failing that, what was his reason for breaking up with you? have you tried looking for a better job? try and do something to take your mind off things in the mean time, like a hobby. bike riding? sorry i cant help more, need more info as well if thats ok?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009):

I know how you feel, almost as if you are in this hole and keep trying to get out but instead sliding firther and further down it. This sucks I know it believe me. As far as your ex goes he needs to decide what he wants now instead of talking the future with you because thats not fair to you to keep you dangling like that. Can you arrange a student loan for your tuition? Or a federal grant? I know there are a few programs out there, I would call the school and make an appointment with the counselor or whatever department handles that sort of thing and tell them you are struggeling to make ends meet right now and what can they do to help. Also I would be looking for a job that offers more hours or at least a sewrving/bartending job that you can work short hours but still make decent money. You can get through this. I know it sucks but you can do it. You just have to prioritize and handle one thing at a time. Take a deep breath, calm down and try to think rationally. I am positive you will be ok. My PM box is always open if you need anything.

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A male reader, JockoJ United States +, writes (10 April 2009):

Well, a psychologist would say you have clinical depression and most likely put you on drugs. I say your life actually sucks and you have a reason to feel bad.

Here is the thing though. You're young, a lot of stuff is going to happen to you in life. I'm I'm serious, you could easily look back and see the hard times as being great.

I'll tell you what not to do. DO NOT DO SOMETHING STUPID. You're at a point where you might go out with someone, or do something that isn't in your long term interests. No drugs, loser boyfriends, babies, venereal diseases etc.

This is what you can do and you're in the perfect position to do this. Treat your life like an adventure. There are SO many things you can do, just look around you. Hunt for a job, volunteer, meet interesting people, take up a new hobby, utilize the library, make yourself being at home a blessing to your parents and your neighbors etc. Never turn anyone down if they offer to take you somewhere or do something new so long as it isn't harmful to you.

And seriously, keep a journal of all these new adventures. You won't be the same person you are now a year from now if you do this and there is no telling where you'll be or what you'll be doing.

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A female reader, Country Woman United Kingdom +, writes (10 April 2009):

Country Woman agony auntSweetheart life can be shit sometimes and we all feel like curling up in a ball and pulling the covers over us.

I have in the last 2 years, lost my dad who I was very close to lost 3 of my pets, been made bankrupt and in February my house was repossessed. I ended up staying at a friend's boyfriend's rented house with my daughter for 2 weeks and trying to celebrate her 8th birthday. I felt like crap. I had to rely on family to help me move my things out of my house and store them anywhere and this was during heavy snow.

Now I could have felt really sorry for myself and to a degree I did but you pick yourself up and say to hell with this, I make my own future.

So your bf ended your relationship - not you? Were you unhappy with him? If the answer is yes, then thank goodness for that as it has happened for a reason. If not, then you are grieving for your relationship and that is a very normal process, it happens to us all, I took almost 4 years for my almost 20 year relationship when it came to an end.

So re the options for your car, perhaps try and get a second job to pay for the transmission or look for a cheaper alternative car, get a bike of some sort instead, either pedal or scooter which would be cheaper to run and maybe more fun. See if your work place can give you more than 8 hours as you are now not in school for the time being and see if you can earn some extra cash. You could look into buying and selling small items on Ebay or something.

Maybe look into finding out what social events are going on near to you, i.e. a swimming class, a salsa class etc, a new way to meet new people or getting out.

How much financial support does your parents give to you right now or previously for your education? Look into grants or subsidies or maybe look into other colleges nearby or where you can get assistance with your fees. Maybe you are good at a particular subject and could get a scholarship or something, I know that tends to happen more in the US than in the UK.

You could be suffering with some sort of depression so you have two options, go to your doctor and get some mild antidepressants or the other way is to either exercise by creating more adrenaline and that is a natural way to deal with depression or go down the herbal route and it is not too expensive.

Stay strong and positive, it is not the end of the world and you are only 18 - 21 you have your whole life ahead of you. Try being a single 43 year old mum with a weight issue and back problems, you will smile again sweetheart you just have to regain your confidence and believe in yourself. YOU WILL GET THERE. Keep telling yourself that.

BFN

Country Woman

x

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A female reader, Tiger14 United States +, writes (10 April 2009):

Tiger14 agony aunti cant say ive been there..but we all have those days..ive recently been very stressed about bf issues relationships period including ex..i mean i can be here aall day talkin bout my problms..and nothting is easy..you deffinately have somethin im sure you dont want to deal with like going bak to your parents home..but look at it this way there are alot of people out there who have it worse than us..like atleast u have a place to go to when u leave your bf house..you have a car alot of us dont..and you have a job at this crisis many have lost them..so just try to cope with the obsticles life brings us and what doesnt kill you will only make you stronger hang in there ;-) youll be alright

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