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I get overprotective and want to contact him, then he pulls away. How do we save this?

Tagged as: Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 October 2005) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 November 2005)
A female , anonymous writes:

I met this guy on Myspace whom I like a lot. At first we hit it off real good. Flirting and all that good stuff until he showed me a bad picture of him. I got turned off which I must say I should NOT have done. Truth is I never stopped liking him from the start.

I told him that I was stupid for what I did and he forgave me and things were going smoothly again. Problem is lately we've been arguing and not getting along which leads to not talking for awhile. I think it's probably that I am being too overprotective and always want to talk to him and he is acting a bit shady and more distant now. He still likes me a lot and gets jealous when guys like me. It's just how do we stop this conflict? He thinks I am pressuring him into meeting me because he is afraid I am going to reject because of his looks (I learned from my mistake FIY). Not sure what to do. Give him time? Wait for him to come to me? I really want to see him and end all this nonsense drama because I seriously like him a lot. Thank you.

View related questions: flirt, jealous, myspace

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005):

Bad picture. Hmmmm, I am feeling that the him you really like is the one you have created by all the talk etc. First of all you were not attracted to him in the pic but you still like the guy you created him to be. He is the guy in the pic honey. You have to let that go. He cannot ever feel like he is going to be ok for you now and the truth is...he is not ok for you. You need to keep searching and not settle for a fantasy that you are trying to reshape into reality. Find a good dating site that focuses on real people, I suggest I am on that one and there are others that are people who are serious about finding their soulmate and contacting members is free. Just start looking and wean yourself off of fantasy man. Good luck to you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2005):

When you say you are being "overprotective" do you mean you keep expressing your remorse for what was said over his picture and you are feeling like you have to appease him..make it up to him in some way? If yes, then you are "sucking up" to him and it makes you look needy. This is likely annoying the heck out of him. He wants to get to know you and enjoy your personality, your strengths, your opinions, your creativity, your interests..he wants to get to know you. He does not want appeasement. You and he got off to a somewhat "shaky" start which likely hurt his feelings and that is totally understandable. You apologized to him over that and as far as he's concerned..the issue is done..and he's looking to just get to know you on a more level playing field. Loosen up, forget the "bad picture" incident and just be you. Now, if you are telling him about other guys, stop-he doesn't need to know that. You want to meet him so I am assuming this is an online relationship. You are giving him the impression, he will not live up to your expectations and he's likely having a hard time telling you that, because he's trying to get to know you but you keep he sounds frustrated with you, girl-causing him some relunctance & insecurity. Relax, have fun, state your thoguhts and feelings in a friendly, nice way. You can tell him "let's meet for a coffee" (public place) so the two of you can begin becoming real life friends. And when you do meet, go into with the clear idea, you making a new friend-nothing more. (don't tell him that!) But just be fun, smile and respect his feelings and pleeease watch what you say. Use some tact and good manners and all will be forgotten. Take care, Dear

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