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I don't want to hurt my boyfriend, but I'm still dreaming of my ex!

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 July 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 September 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

A while back I was going out with a guy for a couple of months and I was really happy. Then suddenly he broke it off with me and I was devastated. I felt like a failure.

I have recently met a really nice guy that I enjoy spending time with. The problem is its been eight months and I still think about my ex. I can't seem to get the same spark with my new man. I don't know what to do because I don't want to leave him because I am happier as part of a couple but I feel really guilty about missing my ex. I just don't know how to sort out my feelings and I am frightened that someone might get hurt,

Any advice on how I can handle this situation?

View related questions: my ex, spark

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006):

Hey, I am in the same position. I am constatntly dreaming of my ex. In fact I have been dreaming of him non-stop for 7 days. I do have someone new in my life now. I do like him he so nice we have a different relationship then my previous relationship. But at the end of the day he is not my ex. Dreams mess with ur mind. I disagree with the comment that a spark comes after you put in effort into a relationship. Thats probably what happens to a guy.. From my point of view If I aint feeling the guy to begin with I am not going to "pump a dry well" until the day I realise hold on I kinda do feel something. Thats a waste of both our time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2006):

I'd be more concerned about your feelings about the ex if you hadn't taken those eight months off from relationships in-between. It's safe to say you are out of the rebound zone now. That said, I think you'll find that "spark" isn't something you start out with always, but something that grows as you get to know someone better and better. It's very easy to look back and nostalgize your past relationships. Try to avoid making direct comparisons between this new boyfriend and the old one, and let the new relationship stand on its own. If you chose well, this new relationship could be every bit as fulfilling as your last one, as long as you're willing to put in the effort.

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