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I am annoyed of husbands new eating pattern

Tagged as: Health, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 September 2022) 5 Answers - (Newest, 10 September 2022)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid

I have been with my husband for 7 years and we have our ups and downs.

We go out bi weekly once and mostly eat home cooked meals. Not microwave food, actual home cooked meals and for last 6 months we started having salad for lunch and fruits for breakfast.

We both could lose approx 10 pounds but not too overweight

But recently my husband started doing intermediate fasting after talking to a friend. he refuse to eat anything till 12 pm and do not touch any snacks (healthy or otherwise) between meals, it's good and all. But I don't know why but I feel so irritated that he refuse to go out to eat and won't touch even a bit of cookie or a bowl of cereal even once in a while.i am hungry all the time these days, I normally eat less than he eats, but now he eats less than I do. I am unable to cope up with it and I end up eating junk between meals as I am hungry all the time

I know i am not being supportive but I wish he would stop this and start eating healthy and not be so restrictive of food. Please don't judge me, sometimes I think I am jealous that he could pull it off and I am unable to. Thanks for reading

View related questions: jealous, overweight

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2022):

Doctors aren't qualified at all in nutrition. I am a nutritional therapist, took four years to get my degree and a doctor does roughly four HOURS of nutrition study. Which is why I've heard them come out with dangerous rubbish masquerading for advice.

Just because someone is a doctor it does not mean that they know everything about everything!

Go to a nutritionist for advice if you decide to get any.

Giving your body a break by not eating all the time is a great way to help your body cleanse.

If you can eat within a certain fairly small time frame which suits you, your body isn't having to cope with digestion for a large part of the day and it can get on with other things, like cleansing.

If your boyfriend is managing to do this, then good for him. If you find it difficult to join him then don't, but don't try to stop him looking after himself so you can indulge in whatever food without guilt.

I don't ever eat anything sugary and I eat often within a four or six hour time frame, each day. If I had a partner who was against me looking after myself in the way that I saw fit, then they wouldn't be my partner for much longer.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2022):

Not sure why you would waste good time and maybe money on asking a doctor about being on a diet. Most doctors know nothing at all - very very little at most - about such things. You need a naturopathic doctor if you want one who understands and can help and advise on this and there are very few about. Most people now go online and google all this stuff, there are a lot of naturopaths online who give all of this information free on their websites, it sure saves spending a fortune on an hour with them and travelling a long way to meet them.

When my partner became very ill with stomach aches, unable to work, and desperately worried because he needed to work and could not afford to stop when self employed and not earning, his doctor said well we can remove your gall bladder, you have gallstones. No explanations. No options.

Just take it or leave it. I researched it thoroughly and carefully and said to partner if you change your diet and eat less meat, smaller meals, more veg, especially raw etc I think you will be fine. He did this for about a month

and when he returned to the doctor the doctor said he could not understand how come but the gallstones had gone. My partner was now well enough to work and fine, as he was before it happened, so it was agreed not to do any of that. This was eight years ago and he has never had any problem with gallstones or gallbladder since. But probably because I make sure he eats a raw salad each lunch time, cut down on drinking alcohol, smaller portions etc.

And no need to spend a fortune and a lot of time going to see someone.

There are loads of options for improving diet, it depends on who you are, what you want to achieve, what problems you have already.

We have a friend who is very, very overweight, huffing and puffing when he walks, simply cutting down on portions would help him but his diet is full of junk food too.

Only you know what is best for you, some comes from common sense, some knowledge of yourself, some knowledge about food etc.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (6 September 2022):

Honeypie agony auntI do intermittent fasting too.

I basically "skip" breakfast and snacks. I eat at noon and dinner around 6 pm. It works for me. Since my hysterectomy, I'm constantly famished and it is easy to over eat, hence doing intermittent fasting. It has curved my appetite.

My husband still eats breakfast and snacks, and that it's fine by me. I even cook him breakfast most mornings.

It is VERY common for women who have hit menopause or close to menopause to have this hunger (even when they really aren't hungry). So it's something you might want to pay attention to.

If you yourself do not want to do the fasting routine, then perhaps start a food journal. You might come to realize that you are eating out of boredom, to soothe yourself, or other reasons that are not ACTUAL hunger.

You don't HAVE to faste. You could work on portion control if you want to lose a few pounds.

However, being MAD at him for being able to have more self-control than you, is petty. YOU are being petty.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2022):

Please be sure that both you and your husband consult with your doctor before starting any kind of diet plan.

You should only intervene if you see signs that the fasting is making him unhealthy. In any case, he is a grown-man; and doesn't need you to tell him when, how much, or what to eat. Instead of wanting to control him, you should work more on your own self-discipline and self-control. He has no right to tell you what to wear, how to dress, what to eat, how much, or when. That's being a control-freak.

I did my research about fasting years ago; and practice it as part of my faith with prayer. It's an integral part of my Christian faith.

If he hasn't been diagnosed with diabetes 1 or 2, and he eats a healthy diet when he isn't fasting; there is little to worry about. Speak-up if it turns into a eating disorder. Keep an eye on him!

He should make sure he drinks plenty of water or healthy liquids during his fast; you can go weeks without food, but you can only go 3 days max without water!!! He should also get his regular physical-checkups if fasting becomes a part of his lifestyle.

Don't let envy make you petty and discouraging towards your own husband.

Males and females have different metabolisms and muscle mass. You shouldn't be competing with each-other; but encouraging and inspiring each-other. Everyone's willpower varies, and eating habits vary from one person to the next. It's a matter of self-discipline, and being committed to your goals. You've psyched yourself out, and you lack the determination and commitment to your diet. You want him to fail; because you don't want to challenge yourself.

Don't make this about you, or turn this into some kind of problem within your marriage; because that's exactly where this is going. If you're not ready to diet, and you don't feel you can do it now; don't push yourself until you're ready. You should never discourage or deny other people their success; because you can't find it within yourself to pursue and reach your own goals or pursuits.

Let him inspire you; don't be meanspirited, and make what he's doing something against you. You asked everyone not to judge you, but you're asking for advice on how to discourage someone you love from doing something positive for himself. That's worse! There is no basis for jealousy in this.

Jealousy turns in to unmanaged resentment, and built-up resentment causes friction within a relationship. Keep it in-check! You're mature and intelligent enough to know better, my dear.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2022):


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