A
male
age
30-35,
*philof
writes:hi. well long story short i love my bf to pieces (yeah im gay if ur wonderin lol) and well im out and people r totally fine wiv it, but he's not and its really putting strain on our relationship. I mean i cant even look at him in a way which even a normal friend wud look at another friend? becos he thinks that this will giv people to put 2 and 2 together work out that we're together. which tbh i would love for this to happen.i dont want to have to tell people myself because it wouldnt b fair on him. neither do i want us not to be able to hold hands in public etc. i mean wen we're together alone he's great. i mean he's so loved up but in public or with mates, that's all we can be.. mates.what im askin is is there anything i could do here to "encourage" him to come out. becos i ask him and he jus blanks the subject. i love him to pieces and i want to be able to show more jus than being 1 to 1 with him. how can i bring him out as it were??x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): as already said there's really not alot you can do except wait unti he's ready. In the meantime why not travel a bit futher away from home, just the two of you. This way you'd get the hand holding in public, plus any new friends you guys meet will know you as a couple.
A
female
reader, Heartbroken-xx  +, writes (4 April 2009):
Just support him, until he is ready to make that desicion.
You could also tell him that when he IS ready to come out, then you will be there every step of the way, helping him and supporting him, and you will always stick by him, maybe that will boost his confidence, if he puts his full trust in you.
Also suggest movies about gays or documentarys.. I saw one last month, on how the parents couldnt accept it at first, but then they did eventually, cause they loved there son no matter what, maybe that will reassure him.
I think a good talk will also help, without him avoiding the topic. Other then that, enjoy the time you guys spend alone, I know it must be hard right now, not being able to enjoy your partner in public, but sooner or later, he will come out of the closet, have patience, and remember how you felt before you came out..
Best of luck, xx.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 April 2009):
Sorry hun, but you just have to be there and be supportive of him.
Coming out is a very personal thing. He has everything to lose at the moment and considering how young you are I can see why he just doesn't want to deal with it.
You also haven't considered his family. They may not be incredibly keen on having a gay son so let him come out in his own time and possibly once he has left home.
If you can't be happy with the relationship the way it is then you may have to move on. I understand how horrible it is to feel his little secret, and I know in 2009 sexuality shouldn't be an issue but it still is.
Don't pressure him and just let him do it in his own way and in his own time.
Good Luck!! xx
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