A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my husband and i have been planning a wedding he refused to tell his parents from the beginning because he was afraid of their response since his mother doesn't like me much. we asked his aunt to tell his dad about the plans and his dad has said the whole family will be away at the time of the wedding and have left no room for talk it is a lie that they will be away my husband thinks it's ok to move the wedding to the date that is convenient for his parents but i want it now a wedding is every woman's wish so why is mine being ruined please help me i've been distressed over this matter I love my husband and i don't want to leave him i just want us to have our wedding on the date we'd planned for what do i do
View related questions:
wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 March 2011):
 I think you would be better just telling them that you have both set a date for the wedding and leave it at that. If you leave it until 6 weeks before hand they might be hurt that you never told them sooner and they might act stubborn and decide not to go. I think the best thing you can do is get your future husband to give them a call and tell them that you have both set a date. Then it is up to them if they are going to show up or not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen i last spoke of the wedding i understood that i musn't be selfish and consider his family. In december his mum and his brother who live in england came home his older also came. His mum wanted to throw one big party on our wedding date, people kept turning her down so it wasn't done. Both my husband and i were hurt because people said they'd be away. Now we've decided to have the wedding in june and insist on only telling his parents 6weeks before the wedding, when we're issuing invites i don't know if he should tell them earlier.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 October 2010):
Good for you in being the bigger person here and not being stubborn like his mother, good luck with the big day
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks you guys I guess I'm just being difficult we'll have to sit down and make new arrangements. Dealing with people you've recently met can be hard I keep trying to justify my selfish reasons because his mother is a selfish bully but I just realised that the happiness of my husband comes first
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsitting down with the parents would work only if he could talk to them but he's afraid of them i appreciate your help thanks and have since decided to forget about the wedding and make other plans for my life without this guy because i don't like his parents as much as it will hurt but am tired of being abused by them
...............................
A
male
reader, The old Man?  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 With this sort of tension between you and his family, do you feel this marriage is in your best interest? It sounds like you have more things to be thinking about other than a wedding date.
I realize that a wedding is every womans dream, but isn't a happy life and marriage something that goes along with that?
You say that they don't like you. Being stubborn and demanding that things go your way isn't making any bonus points with them. Try a little cooperation.
Once you are married, at this pace there is always going to be a new and different set of issues. I hear couples say in reference to one family side or the other,"we don't go to that side". In essence, as one person marries another, they are divorcing their family. Is this be what you will expect your husband to do?
If the situation were reversed, would you like it if he said "I don't care about what your family wants, I want it MY way"?
I'm not beating up on you, I realize that you love this man and want to marry him. The bottom line is, you want to be happy with him for the rest of your lives. However, I think you need to do a little Personal relations work with his family before you tie the knot. Otherwise, you will be back here on a regular basis with questions such as "My husbands family doesn't like me and....what do I do?"
Don't be in such a hurry. If the love between the two of you is real and genuine, it will last so you can work out all the problems and tensions.
A girls wedding day is supposed to be a very happy day that leads to many many more. If you start out with a big gray cloud over your heads, it won't get any better.
Relax, take a deep breath. Envision the wedding day of your dreams and how you would like it to be. Then and ask yourself, "what can I do to be more cooperative and make amends with his family? What can I do to make this dream a reality?" Work with them, not against them.
Remember, you can catch more bees with sugar than you can kerosene.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): I know it sucks, but I think that you should allow the date
to be moved if it does not cause too much inconvenience. Family very important to have at a wedding, plus it would leave no room for them to make an excuse not to attend if you change the date for when they are free.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (2 October 2010):
Is there much of a distance between the date you have organised and the date that his parents can make it? If there is not maybe you could compromise here for your husbands sake, yes it is unfair the way they are treating your special day, but just remember its your future husbands special day as well and am sure he wants to celebrate it with all of his family there, so sit down with your husband and try and come to some agreement, good luck and all the best on your big day.
...............................
|
