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He's either sleeping or at work, how do I make him see how neglected I feel?

Tagged as: Faded love, Long distance, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm a military wife, I met my husband in highschool and we've been married for 3 years now. He's working a lot more now so most of the time its just my almost 3 year old daughter and I. The continuous work used to bother me, now I don't care. Part of the reason is because he kinda doesn't have a choice. When he is at home, he sleeps until his next shift starts. Needless to say we don't have time to talk or enjoy each others company because, like I said, he's either sleeping or at work. I used to call him just to make sure he was doing ok and on days or nights when he's working I offer to bring him food, and I also make sure he's up with enough time to get ready for work. We don't really have sex anymore, he's says he doesn't enjoy sex with me anymore which is extremely hurtful and upsetting, but I can't force him to so I don't. On the days when he can come home to sleep or see us he decides to stay at work and sleep. We get into arguments about money, and I spend so much of my time taking care of our daughter and him that I don't do anything for myself. I feel like I'm not as important to him as I was before. I really do love him, but I don't know what to do to make him understand how I feel. I've honestly, thought about leaving him, but I don't think that'd make him realize...and I don't think he would care. I've asked him if he wants me around and if he still loves me, he says,"YES". But I don't feel it, I don't get the affection I need or want, I've also thought about cheating on him, for two reasons: to prove a point and because I feel like, if he's not giving me the attention I need or want, I have to get from someone else.

Please help me!!! What should I do?!

View related questions: at work, military, money

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009):

Hi it might be a good idea to get him checked out for depression. Hes tired a lot and not bothering about you or the little one. And he doesnt enjoy sex?

Try asking him to have a check up before doing anything too drastic. Definatley dont cheat on him. That wont help anybody. But you could try telling him you feel like cheating just to get his attention. If youve been soldiering on and coping almost alone he may be used to that routine now not realise just how unhappy you are.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (30 November 2009):

Cheating on him will just make him end this. Things are already bad so hurting him won't make it better.

I think the idea of walking out is the best one. Leave him a long letter explaining how you feel and why you have gone. Make it clear that you love him and want things to change so you can both be happier but he has to agree to try.

There may be some things you are doing that you don't realise drive him mad too. If you both agree to change then it will work out.

Also, I don't know how it works in the American army. In the UK you are only in one job in the army for 3 years and then you move on. Is there any chance of him getting a different job? If he's depressed about work then it's going to make him into a whole different person.

Good Luck!! xx

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