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He's a millionaire but won't give me money for a deposit, how can I make him regret this?

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Question - (23 May 2008) 20 Answers - (Newest, 9 June 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, *adison83 writes:

I am a 25 year old female who has been involved with a married man for 3 years. We have an okay relationship, I dont ask him for much or expect much from him at. I respect his private life, and know where not to cross the line. He is a millionaire, money was never the isssue with us. I dont ask or expect much from him at all. I've known him for almost 8 years now. He purchases brand new cars all cas because "hes bored" or will buy property with $100,000 cash down. I have been having some financial problems and have been really stressed out over it, crying every day which he has been aware of. I had a deal to get a brand new car but need the deposit of $2000. He ignored me all day, and needless to say I lost the deal. He has nerve to say to me. hes not my boyfriend! I am very angry with him, and want to do something to basically get even or just treat him they way he treated me. To make him mad. I am not going to involve his family, but just looking for advice on ways to threaten him or scare him? Any offerings...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010):

(he buys cars and houses coz hes bored) my guess is that he is sleeping with you because he is bored and coz 'he can' and you let him, just like the cars fulfill his love of cars, you fulfill him in bed, his wife gives him love. He does not see you as his boyfriend and why should he (you act like a mistress)

"I dont ask him for much or expect much from him"

"I dont ask or expect much from him at all"

So why are you asking him for money? getting upset, blaming him. you never gave each other the impression you were anything else.. Ever heard the expression 'hes having his cake and eating it'

I think what you both are doing is shitty.

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A female reader, psychic gypsy Canada +, writes (5 June 2010):

Honey never rely on anyone but you. I know its easier said than done. Read or get the video called "THE SECRET". If you have an open mind within 6months or less your life will change. He's the millionaire not you. If you seek revenge dont Karma will get you, obviously he isnt helping for a reason. If he went broke would you stay, if no is the answer he probably knows that too intuition isnt just a womans gift. Learn what manifesting means and try it. If you take revenge on him it will return to you 3x as bad, if the love is gone go without cruel actions in mind and put all ur energy into finding your soulmate cause he aint the one. WATCH 'THE SECRET' YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE!

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A female reader, Twirly United Kingdom +, writes (24 May 2008):

Twirly agony auntNobody should be obliged to lend you money, whoever they are to you!

If I were you Id find a single millionaire, that way you can marry him and have him and his money all to yourself!

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A female reader, lotus mama808 United States +, writes (24 May 2008):

lotus mama808 agony auntHey girl! Glad you're over it. Hope you meant over this guy. I stand by what I posted earlier. I never assumed you didnt have a job, and my honest intention was to give you good advice, and that was to move forward. Find a guy that loves you and deserves you, wether he is wealthy or not. Sometimes your financial statis can get in the way of a good relationship, but you should be with someone who isnt married (unless you are all about the thrill of eating the forbidden fruit, in which case, we will be seeing another post from you soon about something completely different). Think better of yourself, and the world will reflect that upon you. Aloha!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008):

Thanks for the update, but now I'm feeling bad about all the things I said, please forget them, it wasn't me it was somebody else. (LOL) Thanks for posting, guess you allowed us all the have a good vent too. Thanks for that.... Take care of you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008):

Hmmm. I am not going to add my voice to some...not all of the other judgemental comments here. Seriously hun...where is your self respect though. You are human, after all and seem to like the finer things in life. The path you are on now is just going to take you further and further down the road of lack of self respect. Look at this situation for what it really is. Is it a relationship you are looking for love, or a sugar daddy. You are only in your twenties and you have spent three years of your most eligible years with this clown. There is someone out there who could love you but damned if he can find you if you are tied up in this. I am not sure where these values came from, hun but you are going to end up hurt. I might suggest some counselling..it is ok...you are still young and it is a time of learning. There is a song that I wish you would listen to. It is by Annie Lennox and is called 'Sisters are doing it for themselves' Check it out and think about the message. I think you showed honesty in coming on this forum about this but it might have made you vulnerable. Good luck hun

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A female reader, Madison83 United States +, writes (23 May 2008):

Madison83 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Okay, I am over it. I read the responses and for the record I do have a job. I Very good one indeed. And I wasnt trying to threaten or scare him into giving me money. I guess I was more hurt by his rejection to my situation. I just wanted to make him feel the way he made me feel. I was venting and appreciate all the responses, though some of them weren't very nice, but thank you to those who responded.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008):

KittiKat, now don't go telling lies, you know you don't care if you offend Miss Madison... Indeed you know you want to hurt her and make her cry. Don't worry, about it. I hope she reads this and dose cry. Stupid woman...

Hi Miss Madison, I bet you didn't expect to get this type of abuse when you wrote to ask for our help, and for this I am sorry. Oldfool is right. Your a mistress and a good millionaire should have taken care of you. But I can't help thinking your not one of those professional mistresses, your just a cheap budget bit on the side. That's why your not getting the money.

If you knew what you were doing he'd be respecting you more and showering you with diamonds and pearls. The fact that you have to ask, shows you haven't got a clue. Mistresses in this situation usually have too much pride to beg for what isn't freely given. They're usually so glamourous, educated and classy that millionaires give them everything just to keep them, and if their not treated right they just move onto the next millionaire in the list. They usually have good education and can get a good job if the mistress thing dosen't work.

Your not doing this right, your not doing it right. Revenge isn't the way, self respect and pride is. You need to stop seeing this man who has no respect for you and is treating you like the eqivalent of a two-bit whore.....

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (23 May 2008):

Jamer70 agony auntIm gonna have to agree with Kittys second post and all her words.

Your having money issues, yet your haggling for a new car. Take the damn bus like others, get a cheap car if you really need it.

Just because hes rich doesnt mean he owes you anything, its his money he earns it, if he wants to buy cars 'cus hes bored its his money, if he buys houses with cash, he can its his money. Well done to him for being well off and being able to spend it well, i would like that. Yet i cant, when adults have tight money issues they conserve their money and spend it wisely, just because your a booty call doesnt mean you should get paid for it.

All over the world people are crying because they are losing their homes(if they have one) people are crying if they cant get medical care, people are crying if they cant buy food. Then you come on here expecting sympathy 'cus u cant buy a new car, get real.

Get your own man(single) get your own money(a job) and move on, dont expect us to help in your extortion plans as no one here will.

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A female reader, Susan Strict United Kingdom +, writes (23 May 2008):

Susan Strict agony auntWhy is he a millionaire? Evidently because he is careful with his money.

Threaten him? Scare him? Well, that's one sure way of losing him.

Why are you with him? Why are you his mistress? Because you love him? It doesn't sound like it.

Step back and take a long hard look at what you are saying and what you are expecting from him.

He's married. He has sex with you. Now you expect him to give you money and you are looking at ways to threaten him if he doesn't.

I'm sure you don't mean it that way, but what does that make you?

Got it?

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A female reader, kittikat United States +, writes (23 May 2008):

kittikat agony auntYes, get rid of this cheap millionaire. You're not a Chinese mistress, even if you came here to visit- You're all American baby

Many cultures respect and revere their mistresses! Shrines are built, Pyramids, military forts! But, you live somewhere in this land called USA. We don't do that. You will undoubtedly suffer simply because our nation was founded on certain principals and moral codes. I don't blame you for having a realationship with a married man, it happens, we're all human. But, the revenged thing is so silly. I know that whoever he is, he hurt you...But, it's never worth it to take a life :-)

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A male reader, oldfool Australia +, writes (23 May 2008):

oldfool agony auntSorry you're in such a relationship. The guy is cheap and money-pinching. He's just using you, and you're letting him.

However, I don't agree with your attempts to get revenge. You don't really have a right to expect any more, given the nature of the relationship. You have to get out of the relationship, that's all there is to it.

By the way, I'm coming from a different cultural background from the other agony aunts. I know Chinese millionaires who keep mistresses. They would regard anyone who was so cheap with his mistresses as your lover as a stingy prick not worthy of keeping one. Anyone with that much money who refused to help a mistress out would be considered as completely shameless -- a person who had no regard for his own 'face'. It's the measure of the man what he would do in a situation like this.

And a Chinese mistress who felt wronged would certainly take measures to make him "lose face". But since you're operating in the context of Western culture, I think you should forget about it. Get rid of this cheap millionaire and find a decent man.

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A female reader, kittikat United States +, writes (23 May 2008):

kittikat agony auntI apologize for my salty language...I am sincerely perturbed by this post. I hope I didn't offend anyone, including the original poster. I just wish that Madison83 would respect the dynamics of life. Nothing comes for free and revenge is never the answer to the pain you feel. A respectful human being works in harmony with others, they don't try to harm. I sincerly hope that her angry rant was just a venting-type situation. An act of revenge may make you feel good for the moment, but it's

bliss" is never worth it.

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A female reader, hannah76 United Kingdom +, writes (23 May 2008):

hannah76 agony auntThe reason he is a millionaire is simply because he doesn't give his money away! If he was to give it to any Tom, Dick and Hannah(?)he would be broke like the rest of us!!! If you want a car, you are going to have to raise the down yourself!! I can't have things in life either so I have to work and save and save if I can!!!!

Sorry!!! Hannah.

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A female reader, kittikat United States +, writes (23 May 2008):

kittikat agony auntOK, I read this again for pure entertainment....

"I dont ask him for much or expect much from him at. I respect his private life, and know where not to cross the line. He is a millionaire, money was never the isssue with us. I dont ask or expect much from him at all. I've known him for almost 8 years now. He purchases brand new cars all cas because "hes bored" or will buy property with $100,000 cash down. I have been having some financial problems and have been really stressed out over it, crying every day which he has been aware of. I had a deal to get a brand new car but need the deposit of $2000"

Aside from the thinking you have a chance with a married man thing...What kind of asshole who has "financial problems" that she's really stressed out about, thinks she deserves a brand new car? Shit, you burn me up. Honey, learn to work from the bottom, most of us have. We have attainable goals and work towards them. WE are human beings. If you are suffering financially, you do what you have to- just to get by. "Get by", meaning feeding yourself and your kids. Putting a roof on your head. Crying your eyes out over not getting a new car pretty much makes you a total douchebag. YOU are the reason that America sucks. There are just too many people like you out there. No appreciation for the struggles that people endured so that you can be a worthless, jobless, uneducated (maybe-but doesn't really matter in this case, cause you're not contributing), meaningless creature who sucks up our resources..Ewww, I just wasted 3 minutes of my time on this worthless piece of shit. Time to go to bed. Loser.

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A female reader, jibbey United States +, writes (23 May 2008):

jibbey agony auntFirst of all, you are involved with a Married man and have the gall to ask him for money??? He is right, he is not your boyfriend, let alone you are not married to him, so he is entitled to his own money and can disperse it as he pleases. You are trying to use him. The others are right, he has worked for his money and you should work for yours too. If you can’t pay a $2000 deposit, why are you even buying a car in the first place? He had every right not to give you his money and there is no reason to retaliate, let alone threaten him. Just because he has lots of money doesn’t mean he has to donate it to whoever asks. Maybe he is buying cars and property because he is bored, but maybe he sees the land and cars as investments. You are both trying to use each other, as he is using you –I’m assuming– to satisfy himself in ways his wife can’t. This doesn’t it make it right for you to ask for money, and it doesn’t make it right for him to cheat on his wife, not to mention you are helping him to cheat on his wife. This isn’t the answer you were looking for, but you are getting mad at him for your selfishness. Get over it.

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A female reader, kittikat United States +, writes (23 May 2008):

kittikat agony auntWow, a piece of ass on the side has the nerve to think she's entitled to his assets!? HA! That's why you're the piece! Why try to get even? You're the one who put yourself in that position. I am laughing because what kind of fucked up individual would seriously expect her married boyfriend to give a shit about what kind of car she drives? He only wants you around to fuck. Seriously. Move on girl, why try to get even? There's no even. He has no commitment to you, no matter what he says-they all say that to feel like they're wanted. Just because you spread your legs, he told you that you were the best thing he could ever imagine, blabbity blah blah, doesn't make you anything more than a chick who sold out. Sorry if you really thought he'd leave his wife for you, you're probably much younger than him and he's having a mid-life crisis (don't get caught up in that psycho shit)- no matter what he says to you in the heat of your lovemaking or fucking, whatever it may be...If he has that much money, I guarantee he'll have to pay a shitload of alimony if he cuts ties with his wife. He probably doesn't want to even deal with that. Sorry girl, you just have to move on. Don't even try to stoop to stalker status.

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A female reader, Aeval Australia +, writes (23 May 2008):

Aeval agony auntYour a sad little person, he is married. Work hard and get your own money like the rest of us. He is not your BF, you are his bit on the side. Women like you give the rest of us a bad name.

I doubt if you left he would even care. Why would he? He has his wife and his perfect multi million dollar life...

Grow up.

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A female reader, lotus mama808 United States +, writes (23 May 2008):

lotus mama808 agony auntYou're asking advice on how to get even with a man that you knew wasnt a sure thing (because he's married), because he wont give you money? Seriously. I've never been handed anything my whole life, work my tail off just to servive. Ugh, anyway, I guess just let him know you feel pretty used, and since you granted him the favor of having sex with you, while he is married, he should grant you the favor of money. No, wait.....that would be prostitution. Uh, I don't know sweetie, this dosnt look like it's going to go over in your favor, either way. What satisfaction would you get from telling his wife whats going on? He still wont give you money. My advice? Get a second job. Here in the US, we are all having financial hardships. Welcome to the club. As for this married man, I'd leave him alone. Sounds like he made it pretty clear he isnt your boyfriend. Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008):

Your millionaire wont give you money.....(LOL) This is a joke I know it... hahahahahahaha....heheheheeheheh....he's married... and he dosen't think your his girlfriend.....(ROFL)

He won't give you his money, why should he, it's his. Go out and get your own money....(LOL )We don't deal with blackmail and extortion on this board. Get over it and leave this man alone.... hehehehehe (LOL)

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