A
male
age
30-35,
*oe.e
writes:I am a 21 years old guy, am in medical school and i have been dating this girl for 5 months. And i really like her and i know that she really likes me. And i really want to see where this relationship goes. Beside she is my first real girlfriend before i was a one night stand kind of guys, just looking for sex due to fear of emotinal connection, but now with her i feel comfortable and i treat her with much respect that i never gave to anygirl. But since we started dating she always says she is busy and we always reschedule. And back then i was really understanding but now 5 months and we still never meet on the day we planned, ruined some of my surprises, she always appologizes and says wont happpen again but still she is the same. and i know for a fact she is not cheating on me. But now am getting really annoyed and i am frustrated.Should i just break up or should i have convesation about it again, if so what should i say. Am new to serious relationship stuff, so any help will be appreciated. Thanks in advance
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female
reader, MSA  +, writes (15 May 2014):
 The best thing to do is always to sit down with her and have a conversation about it first.. before considering break up.Why is she always rescheduling? Is it due to school? Work? Family situation? You need to find the right balance between understanding and compromise with her situation/schedule and being firm about letting her know that once you've both planned something, that it's important for her to stick to the plan.Best of luck!
A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (15 May 2014):
 Hi Joe e,
It sounds like she may have a secret life that she doesn't want to include you on. I hate to say, is it possible she has other people she is seeing?
To cancel once or twice is understandable as life can get in the way, if it's every time then somethings up. Is it always during the day, or always at certain times?
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A
male
reader, DorianGrayN9ne +, writes (15 May 2014):
 The first step here is definitely to have a conversation about it. Talk to her. That is one of the ultimate secrets to serious relationship stuff. Just by being able to communicate with your partner, you will have gone from rookie to adept in relationships.
Breaking up with her abruptly without having talked to her would be the exact opposite. It would be completely amateur, because you will have failed to give her a chance to know, and therefore fix, what is bothering you; she can't work on it if she doesn't it's a problem.
Talk to her :)
D.G.N9ne
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 May 2014):
 How often are you seeing her?
how often is she breaking plans?
it may be that she is not that into you and you need to move on.... but if she's regularly not seeing you and breaking plans either weekly or every other week... with some weird or lame excuse.. she's just too chicken to break up with you.
part of being in a relationship with someone is being able to talk to them about the issues in the relationship.
have you asked her what's up? what does she say?
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (15 May 2014):
 You need to talk to her. You need to ascertain whether she is making excuses and wants you to take the hint, or if she is genuinely keen to continue and willing to make more effort. If she doesn't have time for a relationship then its not fair on you to constantly mess you around. You cant be a part time boyfriend when it suits her and its not fair to think she is the only one that matters. I had a relationship with a girl who constantly messed me around and when I spoke to her about it she snapped "Im Busy! Ive got important things in my life!" Which made me feel A: not important in her life at all and well down her list of priorities, and B: that she had never stopped to consider that maybe I was busy and maybe I had important things going on too. Your 21 and studying hard. If she keeps cancelling dates then what are you supposed to do? Shrug and say "oh well I didn't have anything better to do?" Im sure you haven't got the time to keep being messed about and I am confident that hearing "im busy" for the umpteenth time doesn't help you feel very valued.She needs to either accept that she has too many other commitments right now and end it, or make the effort to ensure she changes her ways. Hopefully she will see that for this relationship to work she needs to make more effort, be on time, and stick to her plans where possible. She needs to do this for the long term, not a couple of weeks. Let her know tactfully that you feel under valued and that it is frustrating to be on the receiving end of being messed around. We all have problems, delays, things that crop up, etc. but if you are in a proper relationship that should be a fairly high priority. Explain that you don't with to come between her and her other commitments but that you do need to resolve this situation. Best of luck to youMark
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