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Her crush on me comes and goes. She flirts with me, but stays with her partner!

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 July 2006) 1 Answers - (Newest, 2 August 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

back about six months ago, i became friends with this girl. and the first time we ever talked, she admitted to me that in the past, she'd had a HUGE crush on me. the crush had lasted for nearly a year, and had confirmed her sexuality, seeing as how she'd never really liked another girl before me. i'd already known she was interested. i could tell. which was the reason i began talking to her in the first place, seeing as how i liked her, too.

but she informed me that she'd just gotten into a relationship less than a month prior to meeting me, and could no longer take things to the next level. which sucked because i really liked her and was very interested. and i think she was pretty bummed, as well, because she never thought we'd ever have a chance at anything. that, and the fact that her current partner had just ended a three year relationship to be with her, probably stopped her from breaking up with her for me. but we still flirted pretty hard, and our relationship was definitely not that of just normal friends. which always confused me because i never knew what she wanted.

as time progressed, my feelings for her faded, and i felt fine with not being with her. but then, one night six months later, we were lying around her house, and she admitted to me that she liked me a lot, and pretty much always had. and she said that she wanted to leave her partner to be with me. we wound up hooking up that night. but the next day, she went to her partners house, and she wrote me an email telling me that she realized how much her partner means to her, and how that can't happen again. i was really hurt, but tried to understand. but now, she's back to flirting with me again, and the other day, we were lying back in her bed, and i felt like she was waiting on me to make a move. this just doesn't seem like the behavior of a girl who truly realized how much her partner means to her. because if she did, wouldn't she stop all this flirtation and interaction? either way, it makes me feel as though she really does want to be with me, but is just too afraid to break things off with her partner. what do you think?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2006):

I have been in this type of situation before, and it is not fun to be strung along like this. Ask yourself if this is really worth it to you. Are you willing to be her yo-yo for a while? It sounds like she is not read to leave her partner and it's not fair on you to be bounced back and forth every other day. I learned, after a long time of being put on and off with the same person, that you have to learn to say "enough is enough!" If she knows that she can always have you on the side, then that's the only place you'll ever be: on the side. It's up to you what you really want to do, so only you can decide. You know what's in your best interest. I hope my advice has been of some help to you. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out okay for you. Stay strong!

~RJGirl

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