A
female
age
41-50,
*azzie1
writes:I am a single mom of 2 boys ages 16 and 10..I'm 36yrs old and have been dating a man for 6yrs who has a daughter who basically he see's every other weekend!!He's been asking me to have a baby so that we can be a family cuz he feels that he has nothing by me and he does everything for me and I give nothing in return, mind you it has been rocky since we met from lies, and abuse!! Know he is doing what he's supposed to do to treat me better but sometimes he makes me wonder if he's up to no good!! I feel good where I'm at because I get to travel and have alot of freedom but I feel if I don't then were just going to end up breaking up!! I feel if someone loves you they shouldn't give you an ultimatum because a united family shouldn't mean have kids together. I'm so confused cuz I love him but sometimes I can't forget all the stuff he's put me through!! I think he's being selfish cuz he tells me that he has friends that haven't been with their girlfriends for as long as we and they have more accomplished..just don't get it!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2011): So..the idea of "marriage" isn't something the two of you are ready to commit your(selves) to...yet you're entertaining the idea of using a baby to cement your relationship? Sounds kind of selfish to me...
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 I agree with Eddie85.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (13 May 2011):
 If you have invested 6 years into this relationship and aren't happy or still have major doubts, I think you owe it to yourself to figure out why you are sticking around.
It sounds like he is playing the role of provider for you and despite his quirks and downfalls, you enjoy the support he gives you. Sadly, if this is the only thing that is keeping you in this relationship, you are cheating him and most importantly, you are cheating yourself.
Before you start creating children, I think you ought to consider marriage. Does that scare at? If so, having a kid is certainly more serious and now you are potentially going to subject kid to being shuttled around between two parents who weren't right for one another. Also, if your on the fence about having children, you'll wind up resenting that child and it'll come out in the years to come.
At this point, I think you really need to see a therapist or a trusted friend to talk over your feelings and sort out what is fear and what are rational concerns and decide whether you want to invest more time into this relationship.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): If he's been abusive and has caused a lot of drama, why create a permanent tie between the two of you? It's clear you care about him, but if you're even a little apprehensive about the relationship, it's not a good idea to make a whole new life.
Live your own life and spend lots of time with your sons. Don't let this man sway you into doing something that makes you uncomfortable.
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