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He stopped all contact with me. Why could he not at least have told me where it all went wrong?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 December 2009)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I'm 44 and divorced for 5 years. While on vacation in Florida (I live in New York) I met this guy on the first day there and we spent the rest of my vacation together. It was great, we instantly hit if off, we had so much in common, we talked about everything, he told me how much he likes me, never met anyone like me, etc., all in all, I had a wonderful time. However, being that we live in different states, I tried to tell myself the whole time to treat this as a little vacation fling and not have too much hope for anything serious to develop.

Once I got home, he continued calling me every day, telling me how much he misses me, etc. Then he said that he will come to New York to see me and I was thrilled. By that time, of course, I was starting to fall in love with him. He did come few weeks later, we spent a week together, and naturally, it was great. He kept saying what a great person I am and that he is considering moving to NY. After he left, he continued calling every day and texting me until after a while, it just STOPPED, totally out of the blue. I kept calling him, leaving messages and texting him, never getting a reply. Of course at first I thought of million excuses for him (he lost my number, he's in a hospital in a coma, etc.), but finally he did text me for Thanksgiving just to wish me happy holiday, so obviously he does have my number and he's not dead!

After the little text for Thansgiving, haven't heard from him again. I am so broken hearted, I just don't understand what went wrong... and even if he didn't want to continue this relationship for whatever reason, why not call me or at least text me and tell me that??? I dated few men after my divorce, but this never happened to me. Can someone help me understand???? Help!

View related questions: divorce, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all for responding and all your answers were excellent and made me feel a lot better. Yes, he obviously is a COWARD and therefore, not worth my time. Having said that, it still hurts a lot. I should have known better than to let myself fall in love, but he seemed so honest and sincere that I actually started feeling a glimmer of hope for the future. Anyway, I know I have to go on with my life and eventually will get past this, if only it wasn't just so damned hard! (LOL)

Thank you again!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009):

Well, I am glad you had a good time on your vacation and you had a vacation fling, nothing wrong with that, and he really liked you and had fun too or he wouldn't have continued to call you or come to see you.

The red flag that I see here is the speed with wich he was willing to go with this and the idea that he was going to move to New York to be with you. Guys like this are impulsive and they attach quickly, problem with them is that they are probably pretty immature and they can unattach just as fast. Possibly for no reason other than he simply changed his mind about the whole long distance thing, came to his senses and realized he didn't want to leave sunny Florida for NY.

I would just let it go and find someone closer to home to date, someone who is willing to take it slower and build a solid foundation to a relationship. Then you know you actually have something to fall in love with.

I am sorry that you feel badly, but I don't think you need to take this so personally, it really was a vacation fling, something you can remember when you are 90 and sitting in your rocking chair on the porch and telling your one remaing friend....lol!

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (30 November 2009):

Aunty BimBim agony auntOh the cad!

t's not nice to leave you dangling like that, but at least after the Thanksgiving text you know that he is alive and well, somewhere.

As to why he didnt call you to let you know what was going on, obviously he is a coward, and to wish you a happy holiday when he must have known his message would mean the opposite for you, heartless is what that was.

Its hard to do, but you have to put this behind you, put it down to experience, learn whatever lessons you were meant to learn from it and get on with rebuilding your life.

Good luck

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A female reader, pancakes rule Ireland +, writes (30 November 2009):

pancakes rule agony auntHe has probably met somebody else, somebody closer to home. It's sad, but if he's not contacting you, he doesn't want to and doesn't want to tell you either. He's a coward. The Thanksgiving text might have been to every contact on his phone. Don't call him. Just move on. He's not worth it.

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