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He said he doesn't see it working out and doesn't want to waste my time

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 February 2018) 3 Answers - (Newest, 25 February 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I went on a couple dates with a really nice guy. Our chemistry was great and he's got a winning sense of humor that I just really appreciate. Everything was on track and we scheduled a third.

This date wasn't awesome. I guess I was having a rough day and he was stressed on time and the weather sucked. We tried to get into bars and everything was filled to capacity it was just a bummer night. I basically ended it early and I think he was annoyed.

Monday I made it up to him and we met at a bar; I even walked there in the rain. Everything felt back to normal again. I did comment however on the fact that I am in my late 30's and not wanting to waste time on casual stuff because I have before. He actually echoed that he was in similar place.

The next day he texted me that altho he liked me and was attracted to me; he didnt see it working out and didnt want to waste my time, like I said.

I told him thanks and understood.

We actually had tickets for this show tonight so we agreed to just go. HE actually invited me to dinner before tho. Paid for everything and at the movie he was cuddly too. He even kissed me when he dropped me off at home.

I feel sad. I like him a lot I don't see why its not possible. He inspires me I haven't felt that way in along time and Im worried i wont again.

Am I just dumb? Is it possible that he might change his mind?? Or am I wasting MY time now?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2018):

He doesnt like you that way. He was just hoping for a cuddle before he moves on to the next woman. When someone tells you it's not going to work out, trust them. This is what he means. No relationship. Accept it. You dont need to know the details of why, probably its something to do with chemistry or details that are personal to him. You dont need to know why. Just accept it.

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (23 February 2018):

Garbo agony auntIf I was you, I’d definitively go out with him on these additional dates and use the opportunity to probe him why he thinks he’d be wasting your time. The way you stated it, it may mean that you are looking for a quick marriage with skipping the dating part to see compatibilities. Could be other things as well but it seems to me wasting “time” maybe about misalignment of the time frame he sees himself settling in a relationship vs your time frame.

At any rate, definitively probe the matter further and seek ways to compromise in this situation if you could. Obviously, if this gets exhausted and there is no compromise to be gotten, there is nothing you could do further.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (23 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntHe might still hope that you might offer something casual for a night or two. Like he said, HE is attracted to you.

BUT if someone says, I don't see us working out. YOU need to listen and accept it.

While I get that it's annoying when you think you have found someone where YOU can see a future, if he isn't on the same page - you are BOTH wasting your time.

I will also say this. If you could find THIS guy, you can find another good man. Obviously you know what you want.

So time to try again.

Do I think he will change his mind? I can't say but I would kind of see it as an issue if he does. Why? Because then it will seem like he is either playing games or that he "changed" his mind because he has found someone who is a "better fit" than you so he will "settle" for you until he does.

Thus... move on. You haven't known him that long. Let it go.

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