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Going to meet his family but I'm not allowed to kiss him!

Tagged as: Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 May 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 14 May 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, *ricadoyle writes:

Ok, I have been dating this guy for 6 months. He asked me to meet his family who live 5 hours away. I said yes. We are going to spend a week with them at the end of the month. Yesterday he told me that we wouldnt be able to sleep in the same room when we got to his paretns house, I thougth it was kinda weird but said ok. Then today he informed me that we couldn't be physical in any way, not even a kiss. When I asked why he said that they were strong old fashion southern baptist, what does that mean??? We are sexually active and he is very adventurous in bed so why cant he even kiss me?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009):

Sounds like they are very strict and he wants to make a good impression so that they like you. Try and go along with it while you are there. Maybe the two of you can sneak off somewhere to canoodle in private! The weather is getting better!

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A female reader, jessica04 United States +, writes (14 May 2009):

jessica04 agony auntSouthern Baptists are very old fashioned and traditional when it comes to premarital sex. Same with dating, or any real physical affection before marriage. It's seen as sinful and promiscuous.

I assume he is not terribly religious? Or at least not as religious as his parents?

He won't kiss you if he respects his parents and cherishes peace during your visit with them. And if you want to be a good, respectful girlfriend, you will follow his lead. I'm not saying I agree with their beliefs, but it is their home,and you do need to respect their values.

Maybe do some reading on southern Baptists before you go, so you know what to expect. There will also likely be no drinking. Sorry.

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A female reader, lover23 United States +, writes (14 May 2009):

well i say you should talk to his parents.you two are a couple.no sleeping with each other or a kiss.well maybe you should get a hotel room.so that way you both can do what you need and you can go to his parents house during day.or maybe you should tell your boyfriend to talk to his parents telling them that were couple and we came to visit you and not sleeping together or nothing physical is just wrong to keep apart from a good couple.i hoped i help.

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A female reader, candyluvsu01 United States +, writes (14 May 2009):

candyluvsu01 agony aunti totaly get where hes comming from....my dad is like that with every guy im with....and he happends to be a strict southern baptist as well. (baptist or any christian for that matter belive that sleeping with someone who isnt your spouse is a very big sin....plus its disrespectful to use PDA....and a bad idea if its your first time meeting the family)

but i also get that it really sucks not to be able to have your man huggin on you and kissin you but then again its only a week...

just count down the days one at a time and it'll be over really soon.....or act like your a teenager again and you have to sneek around and hide things...could be fun who knows

good luck

xoxoxo

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (14 May 2009):

Fatherly Advice agony auntNo dancing either. I can't help but wonder if he is really fooling his parents. I certainly thought something was going on when my daughter moved in with her boyfriend.

Living a lie, misrepresenting the facts for a long period of time is not healthy for the relationship. When you marry you marry the whole family. There will be family get togethers, holidays, weddings, funerals. You need to know if he is planing on carrying on this deception. Then you need to decide if you are up to it.

Apparently your guy is not practicing the family faith, as he has just told you what it is. So he may not intend to go to church, take the kids to church, teach the kids values in the home, etc. All of this needs to be talked about. Soon.

How do you envision you relationship with his mother? If you deceive her it will hurt her. If she finds out you two are active, she may think less of you. I'm not sure what to advise you. The general truth is that people are usually more upset by the lies and deception than by the thing you are hiding.

FA

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