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Fighting a lot... Honestly I rather sleep on the lumpy couch than be in the same bed as her.

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 January 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 19 January 2009)
A age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Me and my wife have been fighting a lot lately. We normally fight about my work hours. She says I'm not spreading enough with her. I usually get up at 5:00am and won't get home until 8:00pm (I actually get off at 5:00 but I like to work over time) but I usually go to the bar with my friends and won't be home at 3:00am. When I get home my wife yells at me for not calling her and coming home drunk. That's a massive argument starts up. We're not even sleeping in the bed anymore. Honestly I rather sleep on the lumpy couch than be in the same bed as her. Will this get worse because I can't take it any more?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

So I get let go from my job the other day. so I been hanging at home with my wife. Now the fighting has die down a lot and she a lot happier. She actaully me sleep in the same bed as her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009):

Why are you still married to a woman you obviously don't love or want to be with even as friends? NO ONE normally works the hours you do, saying "I like to work overtime" in the context of a marriage with a wife greatly upset with those long hours, unless he's just not wanting to be at home at all. Couple that with the 'usually out with the guys until 3am' and I have to wonder, What's in this marriage for you - not to mention your neglected and unloved wife. Do you not even care enough for her to just let her go, and find a guy who really *will* uphold all those promises you made to her when you married her?..

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A female reader, lilly123 United Kingdom +, writes (17 January 2009):

lilly123 agony auntok i'd be mad at you aswell if i never saw you because you would rather be out drinking than spending time with me, i mean come on you go to work at 5.00 am then you dont come home till 3 then in the morning. Everyone needs some time with friends to relax and have fun but a women needs to be shown some attention by her man which you are not giving your wife any at all. So you have 2 options first is you can stop going to a bar after work and go suprise her by taking her for a nice meal or something, just spend time with her doing fun things or maybe you dont wont to work it out thats why you do overtime then go drinking because you just dont wont to be around her anymore if this is the case then you need to end it now because at the minute you are just making eachother really unhappy. If you love her and wont to make it work do something about it now before she decides enough is enough and pretty soon she will.

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A male reader, Dusty Dave United Kingdom +, writes (17 January 2009):

Look, you need to cut down on you're hours first, then tackle the other issues, i have given up the drink, i feel alot better and i am very tuned in to this sought of thing, patch things up with you're wife, talk about you're problems openly, you must communicate or you will go down the pan, get out of the booze culture, buy a mountain bike, or get in the forest for long walks, it worked for me, i had time to think and empty my head of bad things, sit down and meditate for a few minutes in a lonely place, start changing you're life, work to live, not live to work, get your wife involved, do things together, start a different culture for you and her, spice things up, be unpredictable, stop being a slave to the system, pull your self together, change, change, change.

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A male reader, Horne United States +, writes (17 January 2009):

Figure out what's more important to you, your wife or your bar. I'm not one to go off on you about drinking, coming home drunk, or treating your wife like she's second to the drink - which it sounds like she is. There's no reason to because unless you change, you probably won't have that wife much longer.

We all have points in life where one thing or another means enough to us to give up the behavior that affects it in a negative way. For a lot of folks, the bar scene is something they just have to eventually get over or always face the prospect of having trouble with relationships, trouble with life in general, trouble with legal issues, trouble with their health, just... trouble. Yeah it is fun. It is a great place to relax with friends and get a good buzz going. But if you're coming home drunk, you're either most likely driving which is putting others in danger, or stumbling out to some other form of transportation which puts you in danger. Shrug. It is what it is dude and what it is not, is a way of life.

I have a hard and fast rule when it comes to my relationship. I love my woman. That means I'm not going to engage in things I know hurt her or hurt our relationship because she means more than a fun night out or a good time that comes and goes. She's never going to have to worry about those things because I simply will not do them.

I didn't start out that way though. It took me a while to get to this point and until I got here, people giving advice just didn't seem to understand. So I'll tell you again, figure out which is more important to you, your wife or your bar. If it's the bar, tell her and save both her and yourself a few more months of fighting before she leaves you.

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