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Does she no longer want to be friends?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 March 2024) 2 Answers - (Newest, 3 April 2024)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I had a little fall out with a friend. I don't know all the details or why she got upset with me though I have a few ideas why. When I first tried to speak with her about it she said to please respect that she needed a break and didn't want to talk about it anymore...but I don't know exactly what 'it is'

That was a few months ago. Since then she will come around me and seem to want to interact and engage with me, sometimes making small talk and almost acting as things are normal except us not talking to each other nearly as much as we used to.

I told her I missed talking with her and our friendship and she just said she hopes I enjoy and have a good weekend with my family.

I'm not trying to read too much into it, but at the same time it makes me wonder if she's still upset or not wanting to be friends by her response...when I want to keep waiting or just do my best to move on. To be honest a part of me was hoping she would say she misses talking with me too (though I know she is great at hiding/not sharing her true feelings) Or, maybe there is hope and I need to just ease back into it and continue to give her space etc

View related questions: a break, move on

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2024):

It's hard to talk about something when you don't know the details. You say that you have a few ideas why, but you don't mention any. Anything serious or is just her pride hurt (which too can be bad)?

The only thing you can do is give her space, but I do find it odd that she didn't say why. She's either ashamed if she's making a big deal out of something that's not important, or she's torturing you, punishing you with "you know why" thing.

When things are still repairable, I talk openly to my friends, e.g. I have a friend who was treating my family home as if it were a hotel. She would stay with us for a couple of weeks at a time, help herself to everything and never actually spent any time with me or my family. Instead, she would go around visiting her friends. Instead of refusing, when she asked to come one time, I told her how my husband and I saw the situation. Thankfully she understood our point of view and we are still very close friends.

However, there are situations where this kind of honest conversation doesn't help. After almost 30 years of friendship, I had to leave behind a childhood friend, because she wasn't really a friend and I was putting up with her narcissistic personality. Like your friend, she had periods of pouting and "needing space" and I had to guess why. The "why" was simple. She wanted me all to herself. Every time I had to turn her down, she'd first do everything she could to manipulate me (including lying through her teeth, using the death of her parents, birth of her child...) and then she would "punish" me. Whet she didn't realize is that for a very long time before I called it quits, I hadn't cared. I tolerated her because of her family and mutual friends. And I was WRONG to do so, because they too didn't care about me. I was just the one they used to take care of their daughter/friend/cousin.

So this is my two-cents. You are in the age bracket when I started to not care about people who don't care about me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2024):

Could you ask her what you did that upset her so much? Maybe write her a letter saying you don't understand what it was exactly that hurt her. Sometimes it's easier to say difficult things by letter, so she may respond in kind. I can't guarantee it will work but maybe worth a try. Did you tell her you're sorry and never meant to hurt her?

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