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Does she feel sorry for me or does she actually like me?

Tagged as: Crushes, Health, Social Media<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 September 2019) 8 Answers - (Newest, 22 September 2019)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I found out on facebook that my friend because friends with a female co worker who I’m into. I like her, I’m not sure if she’s only talking to me because she feels sorry for me or she actually likes me. I want to be friends with her on facebook. but I don’t know if she will accept it or not.

what should I do? I suffer from anxiety and depression and have been taken advantage of before in the past, when I’ve trusted people who I thought were genuine.

help please

View related questions: co-worker, facebook

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2019):

Why do you want to be friends on Facebook? I don’t know how to word this more gently… but that is a little sad. If you’re interested than you should try making contact in person. Wanting to get to know a person you know in the real physical world through Facebook is a little childish for your age. And a little creepy. I don’t say this to be mean... I’m telling you so you can avoid any strange situations.

Be up front with this woman without taking action in the shadowy backgrounds and hovering. Especially if you are truly the same OP who likes the new intern at work. Such tactics are a turn off.

And your post is contradictory. You say you like her and are interested, then you get defensive and say you have no romantic interest in her. If this is how you are operating around her—then again, you’ll be coming off as unattractive and perhaps creepy. Be confident and say what you mean and mean what you say. Being confident and being sure of yourself is attractive in a partner as well as friend.

So before you overthink this whole Facebook thing, first figure out what you want (and be honest with yourself) and be open and honest out in the real world. Regardless of whether she is interested back, believe that you have value and respect yourself first and foremost. Don’t be a slave to Facebook and base your self esteem on “likes” and whether people think about you. Don’t get mad or upset if she doesn’t like you back. It happens. Let it go. Have a solid understanding and value of yourself first. Good luck.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (21 September 2019):

Honeypie agony auntShe doesn't know you well enough to "like you, like you" or feel sorry for you.

Keep drama out of the work place as much as you can.

TREAT her like a coworker, with professionalism, courtesy and polite interactions.

Most people will talk to coworkers because THAT is what you do. You talk about the weather, sports, food, movies an (hopefully) about work.

The reason some companies like to do team building (as an example) is to NOT only see how well people can work together but what strengths and weaknesses a team has, as a team and individually. I have worked with people who were all SUPER social at work and outside of work. And I have worked with people where that wasn't the case, I didn't really socialize with people outside of my own team other than the casual hello, how are you? kind of thing, and I didn't socialize with my team outside of work, but we were a very efficient team.

Human are social creatures, we like a little chat here and there, doesn't mean we walk around and judge others.

I think you need to work on NOT overthinking things here. Sometimes people just chat with coworkers to pass the time, curiosity and wanting to be social.

Just be polite and keep the conversations/chats in the small talk area, so not to give out personal "information".

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2019):

I meant to say:

"You both work for the same business; so you may see eachother at work frequently during your workweek."

P.S.

She doesn't have to have any particular interest beyond being polite; and liking you because she thinks you're nice. Not being attracted to you doesn't mean she's not genuine, or feeling sorry for you. If you're going to approach people with preconceived-notions about what they're thinking or how they feel about you; you need to work more on your social-skills. She deserves the benefit of the doubt until she proves otherwise.

If you take her friendliness for what it is, and no more than that, you'll be fine.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2019):

"I suffer from anxiety and depression and have been taken advantage of before in the past, when I’ve trusted people who I thought were genuine."

Then what was the significance of this comment?

People who accept friend-requests on social media are not necessarily genuine. They are sometimes only followers or contacts; often sharing mutual contacts.

People enjoy collecting followers for the sake of numbers, popularity, and to increase the number of "likes" or admirers of their posts and photos. You can't expect them to be "genuine." They can't take advantage of you; unless there is actual interaction and social-activity beyond social media. Meaning she can accept your friend-request; and not want to socialize with you otherwise. It's only allowed through public forum, nothing intimate.

You said you are "into" her. That usually means you're romantically-interested. You both work for the same business; so you may see each at work frequently during your workweek. You see her often enough to be "into" her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2019):

she works in the factory and not in the office.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2019):

I’ve no romantic interest in her.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2019):

Sir, the question is whether you have platonic-interest or romantic-interest in your co-worker?

People may offer you "friendly-acquaintance" from a distance, with no interest in spending real-time or much outside-communication with you.

Often, Facebook-friends are not really friends; they may only be followers, or familiar contacts. You can offer a friendship-request; but it's up to her if she wishes to accept it. It's not to be misconstrued as accepting your romantic-advances. Best you try a more direct and honest approach.

Don't use social-media-friending as a roundabout means of cornering people for a date! You might not like their reaction upon the discovery you were trying to be deceptive or clever!

Don't presume she's interested in you romantically. It seems you're not being totally clear of your intentions. Perhaps you were disappointed in the past, because you didn't make "your" intentions clear.

If she declines your romantic-advances, what kind of reaction can she expect from you? How will you behave at work? Will you make her uncomfortable? I see HR trouble brewing here!

She has a right to maintain a professional-distance. Not everyone wishes to date their co-workers; and it's not really a good-idea for far too many reasons. Especially, if you're likely to have an emotional-reaction like anxiety-attacks or depression; if things don't go as planned.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2019):

Are you the guy who wants to be friends with the student in the office? Cos I think you got your answer before.

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