A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex broke up with me 6 months ago, won't go into detail, but it wasn’t because he didn’t love me, but because he thought at the time we wanted different things. He has just contact me and apologised for being stubborn and said he feels really bad for everything and in hindsight, things didn’t have to end, he said he wants marriage, kids, a house, the lot with me. He said that he has done a lot of thinking and growing up over the past few months (he also hit 30 a few weeks back), and wants to go travelling to “find peace in himself” etc – sounds cliché I know! He said that in 6 months, if we both still have feelings, then you never know what can happen, but said he doesn’t expect me to hang around waiting for him, and if I want to, I should move on. He told me that if I want to go and see him during his travels then I am welcome to share his beach hut!Anyone got any comments or advice on this? I am not over him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): 1/ He does not love you (if he did he wouldn't leave you to go on this trip). 2/ He will change during the 6 months so he won't be the same person you currently know. Having said that say to him 'hey if you are single and I'm single in 6 months time call me - but until then I'm not really interested'.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): I went out with a crazy woman, she's just distraught and lost and doesnt know what she wanted and in the end she wanted to break off to take time off being alone. Some would say, if they come back for you, their yours, if they don't then they weren't yours in the first place. You love them deeply now, and you want them back. Relationships is about being with your partner inspite of the things you don't have, you never ever leave them and turn your back.
I think its all bullshit, people can be selfish parasites, if the guy doesn't know how to appreciate you, you tell him, how you feel bout everything, and if he still insist in going for his stupid trip then tell him to not come back at all. You deserve better. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who wants to think of himself first??
There's no true love, reality is theres heaps of people out there who will feel the same way you do, so why not make your self open to the possibility of meeting the person who will value you and appreciate everything about you.
If he would risk losing you in the first place, that means you never was that important to him in his life. Go out with anyone you want live life, don't bother about it, and when he comes back you can tell him, it was your loss!
Find someone who will be there for you no matter what.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (1 December 2008):
 I think he is being honest with you, which is comendable for a start.
Honey he is taking a chance by going away and leaving you, if he loves you that much. So I would take his advice and live your life while he is away. Go out with other guys if you want, you dont have to sleep with them do you?
If he comes back and you have moved on, then thats tough on him. But certainly dont put your life on hold incase he comes back and tells you he met someone else.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (1 December 2008):
 Love is always a risk. So far what he has said and done seems honest and reasonable. Nothing wrong with thinking things though before making a decision. I think its normal to have time and space apart to think things over - to make sure you aren't rushing into something you might regret later.
Most people rush into a relationship and find later it was too much too soon. From what you say, he sounds like he is thoughtful, mature, and not playing mind games. Also, being respectful of you.
Joining him during his travels could be a wonderful adventure to share with him.
It sounds like he is saying he wants marriage - perhaps you might ask him to be more clear about this since he gave you an option to move on. If he wants a future with you naturally you rather be married and not have to be in the position to move on.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 December 2008):
I think you should go off and live life and do what ever you want to do over the next 6 months... and then when he comes home if you still feel the same way then perhaps get back with him.
He's made you a fair offer.
He's going to go and shag about and travel and get it all out of his system and then when he comes home he'll want a wife and kids and all that stuff.
If you want to do it then do it but don't hang around just waiting for him, go and do something and see if that really is all you want in life.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (1 December 2008):
 Well it seems to me he wants everything his way! You are not over him and he knows this and is using it to his advantage. Keep in touch with him by all means but don't put your life on hold although i know this is not as easy as is sounds when you have feelings for someone.I would think eventually you will move on, without realizing it, time is a great healer and someone will come into your life and things won't look as bleak as they do now and when he eventually decides to grow up you will be holding all the strings, you will be stronger and he will have to suck up to you.Tell him you will take his advice but you won't be putting your life on hold and if you are still available when he returns you can maybe meet up. Don't let him think you are sitting there twiddling your thumbs awaiting his arrival.If you really were the one for him i doubt he would take the chance of leaving you because obviously you will find someone new and when you least expect it.Good luck hope everything turns out for the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): I'm afraid it seems to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it. He doesn't want to get back together now but wants to go off travelling. Ok he says you can visit him but is that really a possibility? It seems to me that he wants to be able to go off and do what he wants and have you waiting for him when he gets back, in spite of the fact that he says he doesn't expect you to wait. I expect he knows that you are not over him and is taking advantage of this. If he wants to get back together for the future that he claims, then why not do it now? What's he waiting for if he claims to have all these big plans? It seems to me that he is saying what he knows you want to hear, while at the same time giving himself enough space to be able to back out of it should he change his mind for whatever reason. Six months is a long time to "wait and see." I'm afraid my advice is try and move on from him. He's not offering you the committment you need and is unfairly keeping you hanging on by saying "who knows what will happen.......". If he's that keen, then ask him if you can go travelling with him and see what he says to that. Then you can take things from there. But my advice is to try and move on because holding out for one person who may or may not stand by his word after six months is really setting yourself up for heartbreak.
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A
female
reader, Lib1 +, writes (1 December 2008):
 Don't do it! I was just ruined by my ex of two years who was saying the same thing he came back 4 months later, laid it on thick. When I began to come around to the thought of him and I together he began fooling around with other women and made it public so I would find out. Then let me know he didnt have time for a relationship but if he still feels the same way for me in two years...Don't accept that crap its not or nothing and don't let them guilt you saying your giving ultimatums. It's the damn truth. The only thing is you have to accept if it doesn't work for the next go around. But don't do this waiting BS. Its all a lie (to you and to himself, its stalling) to keep you around to cater to them emotionally. Its to keep him in your mind so you won't move on. Don't wait around to be hurt because I guarantee thats what will happen. Cut it off!
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