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do I cut her out of my life or try to be mature?

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 March 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 June 2008)
A male , *averick882 writes:

How to let go in an unclear situation.

I was in a relationship with an amazing young lady for a year and a half, I'm now 28 and she's 21. We had a wonderful time-lots of respect and love and freedom to express ourselves. We split up because she does'nt want to settle down for a long time, if ever. And we both have many things in our own lives to srt out apart from each other. But we're still great friends, but I find it hard to let go as every time I see her it reminds me of why I fell in love with her in the first place. And vice-versa! Neither of us have had any relationships in the 2 years we've been apart and we still adore each other. I want to be strong and mature enough to stay friends with her, but maybe cutting contact would help me to move on? Any advice/help people? I hope so. Thankyou.

View related questions: fell in love, move on, split up

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A female reader, cakau United States +, writes (22 June 2008):

cakau agony auntThere's no such thing as "just friends" between a man and a woman..specially if there is a history, unless you are both happily loving someone else. Otherwise, be honest with her and tell you'd love to be able to be just friends but it is making you unhappy and that you need sometime alone in order to move on-- If she freaks out about losing you, then ask her what it means,what is it she wants from you? and in your own honesty answer if you are ready for that. maturity is not about being miserable and sacrificing your peace for someone. Its about knowing how to do the right thing for your own peace of mind, as well as for others. You are FIRST. She will understand

Love and light

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A female reader, smeedle United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2006):

smeedle agony auntEither cut contact all together and move on, or tell her you still have feelings for her and believe she may have some for you, ask her if she feels there is any point in having another go at the relationship and take it from there, if she says no then tell her that keeping in contact is just too painfull and that you want a clean break, wish her a happy life and dont look back.

If she thinks another go at the relationship is a good idea then talk frankly with her about what was not good in the relationship and what you both think was good then move it forward.

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A female reader, BluntBabe +, writes (31 March 2006):

Cutting contact is the only way to move on, plain and simple. If she has decided that she can't be in anything serious with you, then it's not a relationship worth pursuing, even as a friendship--because it doesn't sound like you will be getting over her anytime soon. "Staying friends" with someone after a breakup while you still have feelings for them is NOT the mature thing to do, it's the easy thing to do. You feel like you can't bear to be apart from them, so you do the easy thing and "stay friends," all the while inadvertently torturing yourself. The mature and brave thing to do is to cut off all contact. You can let her know that it has nothing to do with her and that you feel no ill will towards her at all, but that this is something you have to do for yourself.

You sound like you're already a pretty together, mature guy. You deserve to be with someone who will value you enough to make a commitment to you. Let this girl go and you'll be much closer to finding that person. And if this girl is half as amazing as you say she is, she will understand.

Good luck,

Blunt

bluntadvice.blogspot.com

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