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Can't understand why I'm accused of coming on too strongly with girls...

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2005) 5 Answers - (Newest, 31 October 2005)
A male , anonymous writes:

Cupid,

I've never really had a problem meeting girls and gaining their interest. My problem is not getting to into them, after meeting them. I want to talk with them so I can learn about them. This goes both with the girls I've met in person and on the net.

Lately I've been told that I'm coming on too strongly. I can't understand this. Apparently I've tried to contact them too much. I don't call them (unless asked), but have sent text mesages and a message if they are on an instant messager. Why is this such a bad thing to these girls? How can I talk with a potential date but not talk to her? I don't feel desprate and I don't feel I need them. Heck the proof is in the ones that I don't talk to any longer. So what is the deal? Thanks.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2005):

It doesn't sound like there is anything wrong with what you're doing, aside from picking the wrong girls to chat to. It sounds like many of them are just "playing a game" with you. Sometimes, some girls like a guy to "be all over them" and the next minute "they don't like it". What does this say about their maturity/emotional levels-not to mention the mixed messages, you are trying to decipher. Try finding a confident, more emotionally mature girl, whom you can talk to on a friendship level and you feel comfortable talking to her, anytime. I suggest you keep making friends with girls in real life and focus on these friendships rather than the internet friends. Nothing wrong with them, but those friendships tend to "wear thin" real fast, pretty quick. What's better than talking with a girl, when you can see her facial expressions, body language and hear her voice. The problem with messengers and e-mail, contact is it's just not personal and likely adds to the "confusion" you are recieving. Just keep being yourself-you sound like a nice person...some girl will recognize your niceness, your friendliness, your openess and she'll appreciate you for "you just being you". Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2005):

some girls feel crowded when you talk to them too much they feel hassled. However, sometimes it's not your fault it's just that some girls only want a quick fling and don't feel the need for you to know everything about them. Why don't you try being cool about it if you really like he girl and the girl likes you, you won't have to ask her questions she will just tell you.

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A female reader, Topps +, writes (31 October 2005):

The previous answer is a good one. Try leaving it a few hours or even a day or 2, before replying to texts/emails whatever. Dont make it look like you are there waiting with nothing else to do except talk to them/her, even if you are..appear busy. If you find the right girl this bit is only temporary as soon you will want to be with each other all the time. It is the weird world of human mating rituals, we are really not all as sophiscated as we like to think. Be cool and chill

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A female reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2005):

xxxsoulsistaxxx agony auntI hate to admit it but I am the same. I will always be more interested in a guy that plays hard to get and doesn't put in too much effort. Us girls are so complicated when it comes to things like that, we just like doing some chasing every now and then!

If a girl thinks you're too intrested or you seem to be coming on too strong, she won't be half as iterested as if you played hard to get. Let her know you're intrested, of course, don't completely ignore her but then step back and watch them fall over each other to get your attention!

You do't think you're coming on too strongly and to be honest, it doesn't sound to me like you are either. But play it cool and just ignore them. If their worth it, they'll come to you. Just remember to respect them though, I'm not condoning disrespectful behaviour, you just need to chill. Good luck and just be yourself. They'll soon come running. xxx

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A female reader, caffeinequeen +, writes (31 October 2005):

Gosh, I wish I met guys like U!

Well, all I can say, is that a majority of girls are so used to guys who never call,who play it distant, that when a guy starts sending out messages,they get all confused, they suspect him to be weird and needy.

I am sure the right girl will like the fact that you send messages, that would be the right girl to go out with.

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