A
female
age
36-40,
*ubblygirl
writes:What should I do about my boyfriend? So I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now and it has been pretty good. We have good and bad times like any relationship but recently our arguements have upset me. We both have a short temper and acknowledge that but lately it seems like he really cant control himself when he gets mad. He says very hurtful things like "you make me sick", "i can't stand you", "you're such a bitch". I've kept these remarks in my head and get mad at him MUCH easier.He IS very stressed about work right now and we were supposed to move in together but Ive pushed it off cause of this. Ultimately, he's blaming me for his rage instead of taking responsibility. I've told him this needs to stop but I'm at my wits end. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Everybody gets crdeit for their own rage. No matter how hard you try to deflect it to someone else,... the "fact" is that your rage is YOUR rage, and no matter how you try to justify it, NOBODY ELSE "causes" your rage.....
Think of that.... then re-read your submittal and see if it makes any sense.... AND if you have an answer right in front of you....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (16 September 2011):
 I agree with RedAthena that we teach people how to treat us. Do not accept his bad behaviour. Remove yourself from the situation.
Work on your own temper as well, as no one deserves it from you, either.
You've set a precedent here where you can each treat each other badly. It’s escalating.
Take some time apart until he can sort through what is causing him stress and in the future, if you want to be spoken to properly, then ensure that is what you dish out.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (16 September 2011):
 You tell him you will stop dating him unless he gets help and makes immediate changes.
We teach people how to treat us. Remove yourself from his presense unless he can treat you with respect.
His actions are abusive and unacceptable. Tell a trusted friend what is going on.
Does he threaten you with any physical harm?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): You should be careful with this guy - there is obviously resentment on his part towards you and the things he's saying are cruel and uncalled-for. You're right to be cautious about moving in with him. If he can't control his temper before you're even living together, imagine how it will be when you're together all the time and there's nowhere to escape to. It's very difficult to live with people and all the little things that wind you up about him may become big things, and the same for him. So if he is getting really angry now, things are unlikely to get better if you move in together. Stress at work is just an excuse and he has no right or reason to take it out on you. Exercise extreme caution.
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