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Anyone dealt with infidelity? Never dealt with this... till now...

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 November 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 18 November 2008)
A female United States age 51-59, *ori42 writes:

My husband of 19 years. cheated on me with a "young" woman (probably early 20's) voice recorded in my car! He totlly denies it., told, by other's - alway's will - even my therapist said so. I am a 42 year old pretty - look (told) about 34 years. I know (from recorder) it was pure physical, but wondering if anyone else has been through this and had their marriage saved? We have been together for 23 years total. He seems to truly be trying, I still hurt, but love him so much! Any suggestions?? Wondering if mid-life crisis kind of thing? I know he still love's me and we have had a hard couple years but gets angry if I bring up anything about my "imagination" been told the norm "paranoid, etc" help with any suggestions is much appreciated!! Thank you!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008):

Hello,it is not about what he has done ,try not to be naive here ,you are being lied to and have been lied to in the past ,you will be lied to in the future,how you deal with it from a personal point of view is what ultimately decides your fate,a cheating partner or other people dont help much.we come into the world alone and leave alone we also decide what we want to believe about the world alone,i think it might help you to remember how special you are as an individual,oh and by the way if you have a lover , that helps

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008):

Mid-life crisis is not a reason to cheat its an excuse. There may of course be understandable reasons but the fact he will not admit it tells me he does not respect you. Honesty means respect. Firstly do you want to bother wasting any more time with a man who does not respect you enough to be honest (and plays with your mind by considering you paranoid / imagining it which is just simply abusive) and who you do not trust. If the answer is yes then you need to take charge of the situation - you appear (may be wrong here) to be way too passive. This gives him the opportunity to carry on being dishonest and possibly cheat in the future. Time only will tell whether you could ever trust this man again. Some people can manage it and others its lost for good along with their relationship / marriage. Once you start being really strong and determined and 'take charge' it will provoke a different reaction in him and I hope he admits it. Personally I'd have chucked him out because I am not the type to build trust easily and so I'd have no chance. However only you, with the intricacy of the situation you know what you are prepared to do. One thing that might help you anyway is to start building a contingency plan / fund etc for if you suddenly decide enough is enough. This will make you stronger to make the best decision for you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008):

Your not going to get pass theis if he dosen't admit what he has done. You know his done it, you got the tape to back it up. Honestly, if he still refusing it and refusing to say sorry. What makes you think he won't do it again and just say he hasn't?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008):

Hi, no you are not alone in this scenario. My husband also cheated on me, and apart from finding the evidence of his cheating I even received a phone call from the other woman to tell me all about their affair. He denied it as he said that he had not done anything wrong!! We are busy with counselling, however the trust is gone and eventhough we are both trying to sort out our marriage, I dont see it lasting. {married for 24 years}.

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