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*edAthena

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So am I just being paranoid or is there something wrong with this picture?

Q.   Ok, I need your input..Im not very good at spotting deception. I started seeing this girl, started out real good but then got a little rocky..we broke up, a couple days latter we talked and hashed out our problem..during the conversation, which ...

A.   8 September 2011: A few more thoughts. She was drinking. (That would most definetly explain the change in facts/confusion/etc) And, did the two of you make it clear you were EXCLUSIVE? I still think you are focused on the wrong things. Communication s... (read in full...)

Is this a scam?

Q.   I have an appointment with a Casting Agency, which i applied to to become a Supporting Artist/Extra, but they told me that i have to pay £40 to have some photos taken !. Do you think this is a scam, and should i not bother going to them ?. I have ...

A.   7 September 2011: Legitimate agencies do not charge YOU for pictures or appointments of any kind. They make money FOR you and from you. However, if you are breaking into the entertanment business, seek out your own photographer and develop a portfolio of the type... (read in full...)

So am I just being paranoid or is there something wrong with this picture?

Q.   Ok, I need your input..Im not very good at spotting deception. I started seeing this girl, started out real good but then got a little rocky..we broke up, a couple days latter we talked and hashed out our problem..during the conversation, which ...

A.   7 September 2011: I am focused on this statement you made: before saying good night she asked me "so where does that leave us? where are we?" and I replied "well we just go forward from here and keep in mind that we are friends above all else first, no matter wh... (read in full...)

We only make love once a week now and he always falls asleep so early! What should I do?

Q.   I am married for 6 months now. Ours was an arranged amrriage. we love each other. my husband is very loving and caring. both of us working but whenever we get time with each other during the day, he teases and touches me. but when we get to b...

A.   7 September 2011: It sounds like the two of you have fallen into a pattern and maybe it has become a little boring for the both of you? Talk to your sweet husband and let him know that you want to have a marriage that brings the two of you closer and grows deeper i... (read in full...)

She asked why I like her and I couldnt think of a reason!

Q.   well im in a relationship with a girl for about 4months? we dont really keep track. and she asked me why i liked her, and i couldnt give her a explination, i tried thinking of why i like her but i couldnt think of anything! but something about ...

A.   7 September 2011: There is a saying in French "Je ne sais quoi", literally ‘I don't know what’ or roughly "That certain something". Your girl just wants to know something in more tangible terms. Some girls do this to fish a compliment out of you or to see if you r... (read in full...)

Do ALL men really watch porn??

Q.   I guess I should ask this as a curiousity question, aimed at men preferrably. Now, I have been on this site awhile and asked and answered a few questions. What I always hear on the topic of porn- ALL MEN WATCH PORN. Is this true? Now I will say...

A.   7 September 2011: No, because the odds of 100% of any gender doing the same thing is impossible! :D Sex drives and preferences differ from person to person. Porn has become more acceptable in most cultures and is not the taboo it once was. Sexual preferen... (read in full...)

He gets mad when I don't want sex!

Q.   Hey guys, i'm 15 and basically i've been with my 16 year old boyfriend for 3 and a half months now, and we started having sex 2 months into our relationship. since then we've had it 37 times. I don't know if its right but I feel completely taken for ...

A.   7 September 2011: You already know in your heart what to do. This boy is using you as his personal sex vending machine and is treating you in a very disrespectful manner. He does not value your feelings, your body, or your privacy. Just because your virginity i... (read in full...)

Am I the only person who doesn't like casual sex?

Q.   Firstly, I want to say that to those whose opinions vary from mine- I respect your choice and this is not meant to be 'anti-promiscious' in general, even if I personally am for my life. I am 25 and in my first year of college. I am loving it her...

A.   7 September 2011: No, you are perfectly normal. People come in all shapes, sizes, likes, dislikes, preferences, orientations, kinks, desires, etc... People come sexually wired in different categories too. There are plenty of men and women that are anti-casu... (read in full...)

Am I mental for dating a married man and worrying that he's cheating on me with other women?

Q.   I'm really starting to think I've got issues. I've been with this guy for almost four yrs. About a yr in, I found out he had a gf but stuck around anyway like a total idiot in hopes that something would change and we'd end up being together. Abou...

A.   7 September 2011: Sadly, this sounds more like an obsession than a relationship. You might have answered your own question here with... When I saw that, it really felt as though a knife had been stuck through me. I didn't think it'd hurt this much, especially... (read in full...)

UPDATE What can I say to get a conversation going?

Q.   Hello again, everyone. I posted a question on here on the 5th July this year. Briefly, I was running into a woman on the journey to work every day and did I think she was the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen? Yes! The question I asked was, as ...

A.   6 September 2011: What a wonderful update! Good for you!... (read in full...)

I got badgered into sending nude photos, my dad found out and is now transferring me to another school

Q.   Okay so there was this guy and at first I liked him. He would tell me I was special and make me feel good about myself, and he would act like he liked me too. And to be honest I think he did. He would come to my games and watch and cheer me on. He ...

A.   6 September 2011: Your Dad is only trying to protect you. Talk to him about your feelings. You may not convince him, but the two of you need to talk about what happened. He is your parent and in charge of what he thinks is best for you. He just does not wa... (read in full...)

Why is my mom so upset about the way my husband and I treat each other?

Q.   Hello, I am a 31 year old married woman. You have given me great advice in the past. Here is my problem: This is a little long with background. My father and my husband get along great. My dad usually calls him, son, when he talks to him; ...

A.   6 September 2011: Please send me a snip of your husbands hair so I may clone a copy for myself! I would suspect jealousy for the connection you and your husband have! Your female family members see your submission as a sign of weakness and that he is take adv... (read in full...)

How do you find the inner strength to help people?

Q.   I just want to let everyone know that I have been on this site for at least 4 years and its been the best site from heaven.... I have been troubled by my broken marriage and have a hard time putting things together ....how do you people do it ...ju...

A.   6 September 2011: What a beautiful question! For myself it is because during the hardest times of my life (Health Crises, death of a parent, divorce, parenting issues, etc...) I was given a lot of good advice that I put into practice. I know these people could re... (read in full...)

He waited 23 years to express his disappointment. How many people out there did not have sex on their first wedding night?

Q.   How many people did not have sex on their wedding night and waited until the honeymoon?? Husband was upset that we did not have sex on wedding night. We did have sex as soon as we arrived at the hotel on the honeymoon. when i tried to explain...

A.   6 September 2011: I did'nt either. We were waaaaaaaaaaaaay too tired from the festivities. It was not like the only opportunity we would ever have! :D I read your other post and I think that your husband is just using this complaint as a form of "smoke and mirr... (read in full...)

Have I screwed everything up by sleeping with him early?

Q.   I met a guy at a friend's gathering a few weeks ago. We really hit it off, and he drove me home at the end of the evening. Came in for a few hours - we have some drinks and laughs, swapped numbers, but nothing happened. I text him the following ...

A.   6 September 2011: I think he was attracted to you and an opportunity presented itself that he was happy to have. That does not make him or you a bad person. I do not think it is up to a man to declare his "intentions" with a woman prior to sex. I believe it ... (read in full...)

After 30 years together husband says he never felt intimate with me

Q.   I have been with my husband since I was 16 been with him for 30 years and married for 23. He said that he has never felt intimate with me, is this possible? He first asked for a divorce and now a separation because he feels intimate with wo...

A.   6 September 2011: Ihatewomanbeaters just gave me the most interesting imagery with It's not, "I am going to go into this marriage dragging on the floor being a dead weight and an anchor." Imagine your husband is that anchor tied to your ankle in a deep ocean.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend had masturbated and then couldn't cum when we had sex. Is it ok that I am upset by this?

Q.   My boyfriend recently masturbated in the toilet when I was round his house to porn. Usually porn doesn't bother me but I feel like he chose this over me and suddenly like i'm not hot enough. We went on to have sex later and he didn't cum and just ...

A.   6 September 2011: Sometimes people get anxious prior to sex and masturbation has a calming effect. He did not do this in your presence, you found out about it later. Maybe it made you feel rejected? He may not have conciously rejected you, only met his need bec... (read in full...)

Boyfriend bringing a houseguest to my home

Q.   My boyfriend is visiting from out of the country and will stay for a week. He's done that before, but this time, he is bringing a friend (I live in New York City, he and friend in a small town in France). I work from home, in a small one bedroom ...

A.   6 September 2011: Just speak up lovingly with your bf that you can not accomodate the friend too. Your work and life are demanding and you need your refuge of your place without the pressure of hostessing. "My love, I am sorry and I know this is disspoin... (read in full...)

My girlfriend and the new house

Q.   Hi guys, please let me know what you think about this... recently, I told my gf that I'm working (painting, getting furniture, etc) on the house I bought recently so she did not have to worry about anything when we get married, she would just mov...

A.   5 September 2011: You each have your own plan about what would be best for yourselves. She wants a bigger place, you want to fix up your place the way you like it. You are inviting the other person into your life, but you are not choosing to build a new one toge... (read in full...)

Why will he not collect his stuff now we are over

Q.   Just wondering why my ex will not arrange to take his stuff that he left at mine back. We broke up about 3/4 weeks ago (he split with me)and we did still txt for a bit after we split but I think thats because we had to work together but that is no ...

A.   5 September 2011: You could handle this a few ways. I had to do this with my exhusband. 1-Notify him that 30 days (72 hrs, 2 weeks, whatever) from notice you are no longer responsible for storing his stuff. He is to arrange a pick up date and if he fails to ... (read in full...)

I've uncovered the truth, but he won't say anymore!?!

Q.   I have a huge problem! I started dating this man, he told me that his past wife died, I fell in love, well through time things were not adding up, red flags. Come to find out his wife did not die! He is married. I confronted him and he said he would ...

A.   5 September 2011: He told you a woman DIED to get you to have sex with him. Do you really need more encouragment to end things with this manipulative psychopath? End it and go to no contact mode.... (read in full...)

Confused Signals

Q.   I have a female co-worker who has been displaying some flirtatious behavior toward me when it is just us talking. These include: playing with / stroking her hair, pushing her hair to one side, exposing her neck to me; having pretty good eye ...

A.   5 September 2011: In traditional body language code, she might be displaying "interest" towards you, but I doubt there are any real intentions. She is not available. If that status changes and you are attacted to her, ask her out and proceed to the next level.... (read in full...)

Kinky, how can I get my wife to be more kinky?

Q.   I really want to get my wife to be kinky.... she is just very shy (still) in bed and barely like to do anything outside of penatrating. I would live for her to [do more adventurous acts involving oral sex and anal play]. we do [cunnilingus] ...

A.   2 September 2011: My suggestion: Go to a good bookstore together and head to the relationship section. There are usually several books on sexual intimacy for couples. Some even have game like qualities where you pick a card out of a deck with suggestions for that ... (read in full...)

Am I being immature for being annoyed by finding a male friend of hers asleep on her sofa?

Q.   I am a 51 year old male that have been seeing a gal for a few months. I am not really the jealous type. I work graveyard shift and had been pretty much staying with my girlfriend every day. I came home for lunch at two a.m. to find a male friend of ...

A.   1 September 2011: I think it rubbed you the wrong way, but you do not know the reason why he was there. It was in her place and you obviously have a key. Nothing sneaky or illicit was being hidden from you. This was a friend that crashed on the couch. This ma... (read in full...)

Ex wants to know I stopped contact

Q.   my question is my boyfriend called it off but claimed he still loved me as a friend. he kept calling me but a time came when i completely stopped picking up his calls because i needed to heal from pain. and he started asking his sisters why i wa...

A.   1 September 2011: Ignore him. You are not obligated to give him friendship. You chose the space and distance to heal. Keeping in any contact with him would make him feel better, but might reopen wounds for you. He is an ex and your friendship is not a consolatio... (read in full...)

She says she can't get pregnant and its ok not to use condoms

Q.   She says she can't have baby any more... Hello, the girl who I am going to have sex with told me that she can not have any more babies...she said it is safe for me to cum gallons of sperms inside her, and she doesn't want me to use condoms...sh...

A.   1 September 2011: Repeat this little poem... When in doubt Don't be Silly Get that Condom On your Willy! Why take chances that would effect your health or life for the rest of your life? You have no proof that she is sterile or STD free. Would you play Ru... (read in full...)

Devastated! Husband not happy with Pregnancy

Q.   I have two wonderful children and my husband and I love them very much. My husband has two brothers with schizophrenia and he watched in despair as their lives spiralled out of controlled. He always worries that one of our children could have ...

A.   1 September 2011: At least he is seeking the counseling. You may not be able to change his feelings, but he is going to need to accept you are pregnant with HIS child. You need and deserve his support! If he can not give you that, consider counseling for y... (read in full...)

How do I stop other women trying to steal my good looking boyfriends?

Q.   I work with my ex and I have a member of staff that flirts round him and it is making him attracted to her. She is the type of girl that knows how to play it i.e leave them wanting more -as in, she asked him-I know you from somewhere, and it has ...

A.   1 September 2011: Wait, this is an EX? You are upset that another coworker is flirty with someone you used to date? He is not your guy and he may not her guy either. It could be friendly, flirty, flirty banter between coworkers. IF they end up together, well t... (read in full...)

Am I wrong to want to spend every weekend with my boyfriend?

Q.   Hi. Here is my issue. Me and my bf have been togther almost 2 years, and i feel there has always been an issue with his friends being very important to him. He works shifts so sometimes I dont get to see him much at weekends. It's not that he spends ...

A.   1 September 2011: I would have to say yes, you are being high maintenance and unreasonable. You are taking his choice to spend time with others as a personal rejection. He is not rejecting you, those are his friends and they have probably been in his life longer. ... (read in full...)

Mum has outstayed her welcome but she has nowhere else to go!

Q.   my 79 year old mum has got a fear of living on her own and spending nights on her own. she is fit and well for her age, she does not even look 79, she is not like a frail old lady. when i had my baby and got a house of my own and moved out she mo...

A.   1 September 2011: From what you described, your Mom might have an severe anxiety/panic issue. They have meds and therapy for that. Remember-Fear is F-alse E-vidence A-ppearing R-eal Good for you for sticking to your guns. Good luck with your sister. ... (read in full...)

LDR boyfriend is coming, there will be lots of sex but thats not what I want

Q.   Dear Cupid My bf and myself stay in separate places like 8 hrs drive from each other. He visits me like 2 months once , but lately he is very moody and not talking to me much in phone and is getting very irriated very often even for small things...

A.   1 September 2011: Who said you have to have sex? You are never obligated to have sex with someone. If he visits, examine the relationship and see if you want to continue. Make it sex free weekend and see where his focus really is? Why have sex if you do not want... (read in full...)

Mum has outstayed her welcome but she has nowhere else to go!

Q.   my 79 year old mum has got a fear of living on her own and spending nights on her own. she is fit and well for her age, she does not even look 79, she is not like a frail old lady. when i had my baby and got a house of my own and moved out she mo...

A.   31 August 2011: My Mother had to make this choice when I was a teenager. My Grandmother was very much like your Mom and was causing the same issues. Eventually it was my Father that told Grandma that the living arrangments no longer worked for any of us. She... (read in full...)

Not sure wheather to move in together as a family or not

Q.   hi again you great agony aunts and uncles, i am back again for some advice on what to do, me and my man have been together for over 2 years now, its LDR, and recently we have been having the moving in together talk, but we are unsure what to do, we ...

A.   31 August 2011: The kids might not ever be ready. Even siblings related by the same gene pool might not choose to live with one another! :) No matter what the time timing, anytime you bring kids into a new sitation, there are going to be growing pains. Brace ... (read in full...)

G/f gave permission to cheat since she wants to wait till after marriage to have sex

Q.   I pretty much just met the woman of my dreams... except for one thing. She doesn't want to have sex until marriage. She tells me that she is a virgin and wants to stay that way until she is married. The strange thing is, she has told me that I could ...

A.   31 August 2011: You just met her? Relax and give it time. Just date her and see how you feel about having a relationship with her. She has made up her mind about remaining virginal until marriage, but has she told you WHY she has made a chastity vow? I can n... (read in full...)

Why had my boyfriend dumped me?

Q.   My boyfriend has just dumped me completely out of the blue! We enjoyed a long weekend together and when I said goodbye to him on Monday evening we kissed and arranged to chat in the week. Then he called me today and said ' I just want this ...

A.   31 August 2011: The only person who has the truth why he called it quits is him. :( The way he handled it was pretty cold. Consider yourself lucky that you did not invest a whole lot of time in him. You said since the last break up that the two of you had n... (read in full...)

G/f talks to ex multiple times a day and now wants to stay at ex's house while doing a course!

Q.   Here we go: Dating a correctional officer for 1 1/2 years who is still friends with her ex (also a correctional officer-I am not). She recently moved into an apartment in the city but her in service is closer to her ex's house-it is a week long ...

A.   31 August 2011: The choice is your boyfriends, not yours. Being friends with your ex is one thing, but sharing a residence is just awkward for the new gf. What if you want to come over, spend the night, etc? Your bf has not put up any boundaries betwe... (read in full...)

I found out b/f has been cheating all along. He's going to be deployed. Do I break up with him or wait?

Q.   I few days ago i found out my boyfriend has been seeing another girl. A few nights ago he was in the bathroom and his phone went off. I looked at it and it was a text from a girl i'd never heard of saying "Hey, looking forward to seeing you too x". ...

A.   31 August 2011: He is old enough and brave enough to be in the military and go off to a combat zone. Then he can certainly handle you telling him off. If he wishes to see you before he leaves hug him and tell him to be safe. Then let him know because of his choi... (read in full...)

How do I ask my boyfriend if he sees himself married again?

Q.   I have been dating a great guy for 7 months now. I am 43 and he is 46. I have been divorced for 5 years and he for 10. We really like each other a lot. We have a lot in common. We like each other's kids. We get along well and have good ...

A.   31 August 2011: It may just be too soon to approach the topic of marriage. He suprised you with the "I love you", so he is going at his own pace with what feels right for him. I would suggest that for NOW, let him lead where his heart takes him. So far, he... (read in full...)

Are all woman like this? Or are some more faithful and genuine than my ex?

Q.   I'm just wondering if I'm too trusting or maybe too innocent. I've only been involved in a relationships, on two separate occasions, each time with the same person. In each case she cheated on me with an ex boyfriend. In fact it turns out that s...

A.   31 August 2011: Women and men both cheat. Infidelity does not discriminate. You have just seen some bad relationship examples. Yes, you can find a faithful, monagamous woman:) They DO exist and are happy that men like YOU exist!... (read in full...)

I think my boyfriend is in jail. What do I do?

Q.   I haven't heard from my LDR boyfriend in 12 days. First off I'll tell you a bit about our relationship. We started talking online 5 years ago but we just met and started dating in January of this year. He lives in the US and I live in Canada but we ...

A.   31 August 2011: You are speculating the reasons why he has not been in touch. Since you know his address, send a letter asking him or someone to get in touch with you and let you know he is at least ok. Can you go to his town since it is only 2 hours away? ... (read in full...)

Why am I getting "No" so often? What are the requirements to work as a Lap Dancer?

Q.   Hi, I need some advice as to if I'm just not good enough to get the work I want to do. I hate my job and so am leaving in few weeks and I've decided to lapdance for a while till I figure out what I want to do. I'm degree educated and can talk to p...

A.   31 August 2011: Instead of hoping for feedback as the clubs before your audition what they are looking for. It would depend on their clients that come into the establishment. Have you actually GONE to the clubs to see the type of girls they hire? Go in and chec... (read in full...)

How do I politely tell my man to man up, and how do I tell my future mother-in-law, politely, to stay out of our affairs and not to interfere in our plans?

Q.   Hi everyone. I need some advice on how to deal with a domineering future mother-in-law. I have been in a relationship with my guy for the past 5 years, who just graduated and is now working. It is not my intention to marry now as I am still ...

A.   31 August 2011: Whoa. I was married to a Momma's boy for a LONG time. I have battle wounds from Mother in Law wars. Your man and your possible future MIL are emotionally manipulative. So, what do you say? Just what you shared here, but with more clar... (read in full...)

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