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Dear Cupid > Forums > Cupid's Lounge > I'm so tired!

I'm so tired!

, posted over a year ago

Just posting this, as I need all the sweet words and hugs and love and support you here at DC can offer. Feels like I cant talk to the people

close to me.

The next couple of months will be rough.

Today I suffered another great loss. Hoping I will be able to convince the social workers that I can be a competent mother to three little girls, at my age it'll be quite difficult as I'm not considered as an adult yet. If they don't think I'm competent, my three nieces will be put into foster care.

I'm so sorry for posting this, I really needed to get some of this out of my system.

love and hugs to all and thanx for being here with me. You are all great people.

Posted on 1 December 2008 @ 10:10 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Dear Wintry,

I am really sorry to hear what you are going through.

I feel very sad for you.I am sorry I am not able to express it in words.

My sis was 13 when my mom gave me to her.My mom was there.But due to reasons I can't explain My sis was the one who changed nappies,made me learn to talk.My mom fed me and took care of my studies.My sis was the one who I always relied on emotionally.I never got any judgment calls from her.I always could share anything with her.She was the one who explained the birds and bees to me.

Age has nothing to do with being a mom.Let them know of the perils of putting them into foster care.Ask them "can you please assure me there is no wolf lurking behind a sheep's clothing?.How many lil girls get abused in foster care?I am their aunt and I would protect them with their life.you can have periodic checks to see if they are doing well.I am not giving them up".Mean what you say.

Its the time for you to stand strong.Life throws many storms at us.I am sure you are brave enough to weather them.Look at Fate in the eye and say,"I am not going to let you beat me in any way".

My Prayers go with you and for the lovely little girls you shared about with us.

Sweetie.Please keep posting when ever you need a shoulder to lean on.That's what we are here for.

Lots of Love and Hugs and Prayers,Bugs

Posted on 1 December 2008 @ 10:46 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I would think that the foster care system would believe that a loving family member is a first resort. Did they say they would help out with payments? They should as if they keep the girls and put them in foster care, the pay may be more.

Have you spoke to a Lawyer about your rights? What agencies are there? Do they have adoptive agencies through your local government? Local Foster Parents program?

I think the worry is that you take your three neices and cannot provide for them economically and therefore, they may face poverty.

I would ask if they plan to keep the three together as that is HIGHLY important and advocate that you would be able to keep them together. Advocate the importance of family, family history, family roots, family values that strangers cannot offer them. In court cases in Canada, these factors play a major deciding role in favour of family.

Either way you should be at peace as they will have a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, and have access to an education.

Sometimes it is a hard decision to accept that a government agency may provide the necessities better than you may be capable of.

Me, I'm hoping it goes in your favour.

*hugs*

Posted on 1 December 2008 @ 16:30 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Wintry, oh dear, I'm soooo sorry to hear about the new blow you suffered. I hope that you are getting some good legal help (and that you can afford it too) as well as trying to stay level-headed about this. ((((((((hugs))))))))

So you have to start thinking like a proper guardian to the girls. Guidance, support, gentle but firm discipline, loving care, material support for schools and clothes and food and all the things that growing girls need--those are the things you have to have, and to have proof of all these things.

Talk to your school head to see if she/he can serve as a personal recommendation; also all your teachers, your religious advisor, basically all the people who know you well and know that you CAN do this! Get their support lined up and in writing.

I'm hoping that this goes in your favor, and that the girls stay together and as an intact family.

We're all pulling for you here.

(((((hugs again)))))

xxx

Posted on 1 December 2008 @ 18:20 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I haven't had the time to look into it. Although I know that in the case of wanting to seperate the children from the mother, family members do not get the children and the children are split up.

I'm seeing my lawyer after the funeral, I'm able to keep the kids for Christmas and New Year but after that it might all be downhill.

The thing is, money is not a problem. I have financial stability, something my parents made sure of in their wills, and I have a job now that school is finished.But who would favour a 19-year old girl to become the "mother" of three girls, one still a baby?

It's not that I'm not mature enough, I rarely go out to party, and prefer a quiet evening at home. I love them to bits and the thought of having them put into care,terrifies me. They are all I have now, and I'm not giving them up.

I'm hoping for the best, thanks for all of your support, I appreciate it deeply.

As for now, I'm going to try and get some sleep now, which I'll probably not get.

You guys are better than my therapist.

Posted on 1 December 2008 @ 18:32 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Thanks Tisha, that's a great idea. Guess Karma's got it in for me hey? Just wondering what I did to deserve it.

Posted on 1 December 2008 @ 18:35 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Hang in there, Babe. We have your back.

Posted on 1 December 2008 @ 21:1 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Wow, Hun, You are going through a lot at your young age. I think Tish gave you great advice. If they pay people to be foster parents and they value family, then there should be some support for the idea of giving you financial assistance and support in raising your own nieces! After all, even though you are young, you are a legal adult (as of the change from 21 in 2007) in South Africa. I would talk with lawyers and social workers about trying to make this work as the best possible choice before putting them in a foster home. It's going to be a lot of work, no small feat, but you sound determined and we'll all be here if you need us. XXX

Posted on 1 December 2008 @ 21:26 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

One more thing about Karma. I stopped believing in it as soon as I realized bad things happen to good people. There's no way you can convince me that someone gets cancer or has loved ones die because they somehow deserve it. That's a load of crapola.

There's a funny song from Monty Python, Eric Idle, I believe. It has a line that goes something like, "Life's a load of sh#t, when you look at it..." and sometimes that it so true. But it makes the good things that happen that much sweeter. If you want me to find the lyrics, I will. Maybe on youtube?

xxx

Posted on 1 December 2008 @ 21:47 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

Hunny you have had some amazing advise, My prayers are with you love XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Posted on 2 December 2008 @ 8:59 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Hwy Wintry!How are you holding up?My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love and Hugs,Bugs

Posted on 4 December 2008 @ 16:19 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I'm holding, I have to, for the kids you know.

The funeral was this morning, very small because they are being cremated. It was rough on the kids, they really don't understand. They think Mommy and Daddy will come back, and I can't explain it to them, because their to young to grasp it.

Aurora, the oldest one, she's five, came to me when I was getting dressed and said she didn't like her mommy anymore, because she left her.

She held my hand all through the service and when I cried, she said, don't cry, mommy's coming back.

It's terrible knowing they don't understand.

Well I'm off, seeing my attorney in an hour.

Posted on 8 December 2008 @ 13:27 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Hey Wintry,

My heart goes out to you.My prayers are with you.

Please keep us posted.

Lots of Love and Hugs,

Bugs

Posted on 8 December 2008 @ 15:43 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Hi Wintry, you're in my thoughts today too, I hope you know that you're not alone out there!

Hugs,

Tisha

Posted on 8 December 2008 @ 15:57 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Thanks Bugs and thanks Tisha. Looks like we all have our troubles this festive season.

I'm glad to say I have an amazing attorney, who made sure I have enough reading material to last me through the holidays. Have appointments with Social Services and various agencies and government departments. It might keep me busy, and even help me sleep.

Love and hugs to all.

Posted on 8 December 2008 @ 20:14 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

The only good news about all this bad news is that it focuses the mind in a way that helps you remember what is truly important, and what is crapola.

Keep us posted on your journey through the rapids of social agencies. Or is it the slowids? It's hard to be sure. I have a feeling you'll emerge victorious.

xxxx

Posted on 8 December 2008 @ 20:20 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Wintry, I am only starting to cath up on your problems and I am so sorry, my deeptest simpathy with you for your loss. I have understanding for your problems with social services etc, but if I can be of any assistance, please do not hestitat to cantact me. Yes, the law and the redtape can sometimes be annoying and frustrating but I am sure if your case is presented well you should ot have to much problems. There are lots of things they have to take into considertion in SA these days and due to heavy pressure on social services and the lack of good foster parents etc, I am very positive that you will succeed. Please feel free to contact me, I am willing to help and assist where I can. Give the little ones lots of love and hugs, because that is most important to them. BIG HUG to you.

This poem by Jena cam to mind:

You are not Alone…

As you move forward

through the days ahead

I am here to lean on

no words need to be said.

Reach out to your friends,

Don’t push us away.

For you are not alone

As you face each new day.

I am here for you

If you need anything at all.

No matter what or when

Just give me a call.

I am truly sorry

For the pain you now face.

May God hold you close

In His loving embrace.

Posted on 8 December 2008 @ 21:28 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

You do and give the best you can Sweety and that is all that is required of you EVER.

*Hugs*

Posted on 8 December 2008 @ 21:59 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Wow, I've just gotten back from an appointment with a social worker, and can gladly say it went well. My boyfriend went with me and the kids, and he handled the kids so perfectly.

After an hour of talk and all, I've got a court date set for the 12th of January, and a couple of social workers will be making the rounds throughout the holidays, to evaluate everything.

They went through q's with my bf and did some research on us.

Wow, it's relieving.

Posted on 10 December 2008 @ 10:54 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I am so happy for you. Now, try to relax a little. Get some rest and try to get the little ones settled. Give them lots of tender, loving care. My thoughts and prayers are with yyou. We are here for you. Glad to hear your boyfriend is supporting you.

Lots of HUGS to all of you!

Posted on 10 December 2008 @ 11:36 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I'm glad to hear this Wintry. Hang in there. *hugs*

Posted on 10 December 2008 @ 15:28 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Hey Wintry,

I am sure things are going to work out perfectly.We are all rooting for you here.

Hugs,

Bugs

Posted on 16 December 2008 @ 16:55 (London time) - permalink
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