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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: HiI just need a little guidance and avice.My boyfriend of 7 years has (in my eyes, and his) been unfaithfull,We lived together, and after a blazing row we decided it was best i move out back to my mums.I did.We didnt see eachother for atleast a month or so and i went on aholiday to escape the stress with my sister.We text all the time,and he seemed happy id gone on holiday as we had not been away for about 3 years due to him not having time.Anyway, when i came home, i had a gut feeling to check his email (we only had the internet in our house a month or so before i left).I found around 9 girls email addresses whom he had been chatting too, and he was a member of a sex chat site,and had created a myspace page with everything about him, and i wasnt mentioned once, his status was single.I was gutted.I wonder what else there was which i didnt find!I forgave him, and we went away for a week to spend time together and sort things out.He promised me there was nothing else,and hed told me everything.When we got back,i felt refreshed, and happy we had a clean slate.But 3 days after we got back, i was at his on a laptop he had bought wheni left ( takingmy laptop with me). I was horrified to findporn searches on the google toolbar, and sites he was revisiting.Again, gutted, broken, i felt sick. On top of that, he promised mebefore hand that there was nothing else. Obv there was, and i found it due to him being new to computeres and couldnt cover his footprints.He was a liar too!!!Anyway, his excuse was that hed never seen porn (he was a virgin at 25 when we met, im the only woman hes been with). But i just dont buy it.Then, he forgot our 7 year anniversary!!!!Im broken, lost, a mess. And i left.Christmas has been hard to get through. He texts me everyday, and he wants to marry me, move in together, and says hes truley sorry, and that he messed up.He admits its betrayal and unfaithfull, and says he just wants to love me.Thing is, what doi do??? i dont want to miss out on a great happy life if i dont take the chance, but imsohurt and cant get over it. Porn doesnt exactly come with a "how to get over it" manual.I dont know what to do, or what im supposed to do to get over it to move on.I would love marrage ect but how can i trust himI think you get the jist of itPlease help me
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anniversary, his ex, liar, move on, myspace, on holiday, porn, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): I've just been through exactly the same situation, my boyfriend had joined on on-line flirt site, I was absolutely devastated and felt as though he'd cheated on me. Though I know its not technically cheating, he'd broke my heart, my trust, my confidence, and everything I was proud of in our relationship. I decided to forgive him but only if he told me everything, he did and its hard to hear but I know there's nothing going to come out in the future. Your boyfriend sounds truly sorry and realises now what effect his actions have had, I wouldn't worry about the porn, but get him to delete his profile from the other sites in front of you, that helped me to move on. Give him another chance, don't give everything up for some sites that he was silly enough to get drawn into
A
female
reader, tabitha6023  +, writes (11 January 2008):
I've just been through exactly the same situation, my boyfriend had joined on on-line flirt site, I was absolutely devastated and felt as though he'd cheated on me. Though I know its not technically cheating, he'd broke my heart, my trust, my confidence, and everything I was proud of in our relationship. I decided to forgive him but only if he told me everything, he did and its hard to hear but I know there's nothing going to come out in the future. Your boyfriend sounds truly sorry and realises now what effect his actions have had, I wouldn't worry about the porn, but get him to delete his profile from the other sites in front of you, that helped me to move on. Give him another chance, don't give everything up for some sites that he was silly enough to get drawn into
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A
female
reader, AJ jess ^..^ +, writes (6 January 2008):
 Hun i think that you should give him another chance, he may have put single and stuff on his myspace cos he just wanted needless flirting and most guys watch porn, he says he loves you give him another chance but if he cheats on you and you know he has since you got back together, ditch him x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): Look, I as a man love porn. All men do and those that say they don't are the biggest liars of all.
That being said, there is no need to hide it from your partner. Because THEY and not porn are your priority, so if he knows you have a problem with it... he should be letting it go.
I mean, I'm 24 and virgin and Porn is as close to sex as I'm gonna get in the meantime, but he has a woman right there... so unless he's using porn to add some spice to the relationship (and given your complaints, this is no the case) it should be frowned upon.
My main concern is his other shenanigans on the net. Creating and lying on his MYSPACE account, emailing other women without ever telling you.
Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with haveing female friends who you send emails to, but lying about it insinuates he had a reason to hide it. And the only reason a man would hide female friends is if he wants them to be more.
Look.
In the end, only you can make this decision. I would say give him ONE last chance. If he ruins this one, boot the guy because you deserve better... and believe it or not there are men out there capable of actually meaning it when he says I LOVE YOU.
Let us know how it all turns out.
Tristan
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): To be honest, I really wouldn't worry about the porn, it would be the 9 other girls emails, the chat room and the my space page on which he says he is single. You need to sit him down and talk to him seriously about your future together. Good luck xx
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